"Love You To Death"
Like any pair of self-respecting sisters, Catherine and I have tried to kill each other on several occasions. The first attempt (that I am aware of) involved a then-5-year-old Catherine feeding me a chocolate biscuit which contained enough crushed peanuts to bring down Mickey Rourke. Assuming, of course, that Mickey Rourke is (like me) allergic to to peanuts. He probably isnt, but since I've already blogged about that particular incident, I'm not going to go on about it.
Over the next few years, Catherine would attempt a number of homicides, all of which shared a common theme of "my little sister is deathly allergic to nuts, and it would be too bloody easy to take advantage".
To be honest, I wasn't so much annoyed by the fact that she was repeatedly trying to end my life as I was disgusted by the unoriginality with which she was going about it. And I'm allowed to say that - because the last big fight I remember involved me throwing a full-sized watermelon at her head.
Now, don't get me wrong. It's not that we don't love each other. Because of course we DO - it's just a different KIND of love. You know, like, less in the way that we actually love each other, and more in the way that it's convenient to know someone you can always borrow money from. I've also never met another person with whom I am so eye-to-eye on the whole Team Edward VS Team Jacob thing. There are some bonds which run even deeper than blood, and I'm fairly certain that's one of them.
We're also united by a penchant for bad movies and mint flavoured icecream, and by the theory that when it comes to the electing of our nation's next leader, it's always best to just vote for whichever candidate has the most amusing surname.
Don't tell our parents.