No? Just me?
Well alright then.
Still. Regardless of whether or not it makes me look like the kind of idiot who trolls their own website, this recent one caught my eye:
Now, I don't know who this Scorpio Woperchild is, nor do I recall asking for a review, nor can I fathom the idea that there are people - fully grown, adult people - out there who have enough time to sit and type and cast judgement on the insane rantings of a 20-year-old girl from Australia...but there's no such thing as bad publicity, right? So I took a wander over to Ask And You Shall Recieve, and read my review.
In hindsight, it wasn't such a great idea. And by 'wasn't such a great', what I really mean is 'was a pretty fucking stupid'. The URL of this website alone should have been enough of a clue. Let's just say it's a good thing I already know how much of a moron I am, AND that I have enough self-confidence to ignore the opinions of a man who apparently thinks of himself as a character from Harry Potter. It's also pretty convenient that I'm currently in the market for a new asshole - because Mr 'Scorpio Woperchild' tore me one alright. Check it out:
For starters, Jacki Trew’s delightful little blog is titled "Insanity Now Has a Website" and the URL is JackiIsCrazy.blogspot.com. When you are 15 years old, calling yourself CRAZY or INSANE feels like a logical choice. You feel like you don’t fit in. You feel weird all the time. Maybe you’re moody. Maybe you’re filled with rage. Maybe you are really unpredictable. And yeah, that feels pretty crazy at the time.
But then months pass and soon you realize that this is normal – everyone feels this way – and you are no more crazy than the next very average student treading the halls of your school. And by the time you’re 16 or so, you no longer think it’s cool to call yourself Crazy or Insane.
Insanity Now Has a Website? I don't fucking think so.
He then goes on to berate my constant use of the term 'insanity' and it's many variations - crazy, weird, off-my-fucking-nut, etc etc - my colour scheme, my obsession with reality tv, and the fact that I insist on having autoplay music in my sidebar.
Which is all fine.
Or at least, it WAS. Until this happened:
Talk trash about me all you want, buddy, but bad-mouthing Kylie Minogue? You just lost the respect of not only me, but at least half the gay population of Planet Earth. AND Julia Hirst. Oh, and since you asked so nicely, it's 2010 - the tenth year in a decade during which Kylie staged a comeback, performed on four world tours, beat breast cancer and sold over 68 million records. Basically, Scorpio? If Kylie Minogue had a penis, she would probably be requesting that you suck on it right now.
Now, where was I?
After he'd finished chanelling his intense but inexplicable hate of the world through my blog, and offered to do humanity a service by 'hopping a flight to Sydney, tracking me down and kicking the teeth out of my head', Mr Woperchild seemed to run out of steam. That's when he offered me this tiny gift:
At some point along the way she found a voice. Sure, that voice talks way too much about things I don’t give a rat’s ass about – reality TV, actors over whom she is swooning, being a semi-responsible adult, etc. – but it is still an amusing voice at times. A slightly skewed perspective on her life, which is pretty normal and ordinary, and that skewed perspective takes the boring and mundane and makes it somewhat worth reading about.
Ahhh, that's better. There's nothing like a scathingly backhanded almost-compliment to make you feel good about yourself. I am kidding of course - that last paragraph made me cry into my cereal this morning. But it's not all bad news. Because if you happen to head over to Ask And You Shall Recieve and peruse my little critique yourself, you'll see that the post in specific which Scorpio Woperchild finds amusing? Just happens to be the one about dolphins and the fact that they gang-rape each other. And any freak of the week who could picture that kind of horror and still laugh is obviously not worth listening to.
So thanks for the advice, Scorpio, really. But I think I'm in the same boat as Kylie Minogue now.