Thursday, August 05, 2010

Hire Me!

You guys, Lane Cove is actually insane.
I'm not kidding! It's crazy! And I can't believe it's taken me this long to notice!! I guess it's just one of those things - you never notice that the suburb you live in is like one big out-patient mental hospital until you get a job in a hairdresser on the main street and spend half your days staring through the front window at all the freaks walking past.
Yesterday, for example, I saw a woman sitting outside the cafe next door eating cereal out of a red tupperware container. That in itself is an oddity, but the weirdest part was actually HOW she was eating the cereal, and that was in a manner that I can only describe as furious. It was like she was angry at the cereal. Not just the cereal - it was like she was angry at the WORLD. At one point she accidentally spilled some milk on herself, and I swear to God I thought she was going to turn around and punch the guy behind her in the windpipe. It was mesmerising. I don't know how many phonecalls went unanswered as I stood there with bated breath, just waiting for this woman to pull out a machete and stab everyone within reach. But I'm guessing it was alot.

I'm terrible at my job.

Speaking of being terrible at my job...four or five more weeks and I'm going to have to find something else to be terrible at. And just for the record, I wasn't fired. It's not that I don't love Toni&Guy, it's just that I'm pretty useless at everything I do. And while there are some jobs that it's okay to be useless at, it turns out that 'hairdresser' just isn't one of them. People tend to notice when you accidentally-on-purpose shave the words peace, love, disco into the hair on the back of their head. And by 'notice' what I really mean is 'totally freak out'. But whatever. Aside from that little mishap, and the whole neglecting-work-in-order-to-stare-at-crazy-people-eating-cereal-at-the-cafe-next-door thing, AND the fact that I was late for our last staff meeting because I was watching an episode of The Real Housewives of NYC and didn't want to miss the end, I must have done SOMETHING right, because they're letting me stay until I find a new job. Isn't that nice?
So the downside is that - once again - I'm jobless, broke, have no talents or direction to speak of, I'm almost 100% unqualified and I owe my parents two thousand dollars. But the UPside is...
Aw, crap.
Still. I'm not worried. Well, maybe a little bit. Probably not as worried as I should be. Certainly not as worried as The Navy Man is. But it's all good. After all, if life and the cast of Laguna Beach has taught us anything, it's that even the biggest idiots on the planet are capable of finding a job. Also that I should probably stop basing my major life decisions on a mediocre reality show that ended 4 years ago. But mainly the first thing.

Hire me!

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