That Time I Met...Otzi

Jacki: He's fierce, he's fast, he's frozen...its ICEMAN
Otzi: Actually it's otzi
Jacki: Otzi like that library dude?
Otzi: No dumbass, Otzi like me. I own that library dude.
Jacki: Wow...kinky. And can I just say that your appearance makes me want to vomit? Anyway, tell us about yourself Otzi, hows life in the old...alps...
Otzi: Well you know, not so good. It was ok until I died a horrible death from a combination of hypothermia, skull lacerations, and you know, just being myself. Then I was in for 5,000 odd years of being trampled over in the snow until two randoms discovered my mutated corpse. At this point I thought hey, I've been found, maybe I'm in for some tlc now, but no, they proceeded to ignore the fact that im 5000 years old, an important historical artefact, one of the only remnants of my time, and not to mention dead sexy, and got some bearded fatty to rip me from under some boulder, sling me over his shoulder and lug me to the nearest ice station.
Jacki: Wow. Too bad.
Otzi: Shut up. Now, did I mention I dont have a penis? Thats right, no penis for Otzi. I mean, what are the odds. I dont have a vagina either. I mean, I could have at least retained one from my days as an ancient furry tranvestite prostitute, but no, the nads freeze off and im left with what looks like a shrivelled prune glued in between my legs.
Jacki: Um
Otzi: And have you seen my face? I mean, I've seen better things to look at inside the creases on a dead elephants anus.
Jacki: I'm not going to deny that.
Otzi: Yeah. Well I tried to get back into my old career, you know, as a man-whore, but I dont know, for some reason people dont want to be seen naked with 5000 year old skeletons.
Jacki: Hard to believe...
Otzi: Shut up. I know you want me bad.
Jacki: Well I wont deny that either.
Otzi: Maybe the whole whore thing would work better if i had some prositute-y clothes. Where's that Jess chick? Maybe I can borrow her boots...

THE END