girls week out

since miss shanahan agreed to be my best friend/life partner, i compiled a list of things that we should (AND WILL) do together:

• go to schoolies week together and stay in the star city penthouse suite
• buy at least ONE completely matching outfit
• attend a marriage counselling session
• get our names tattooed on each others butts
• dance naked around a maypole
• declare our love for each other from on top of a mountain
• get jobs together (preferably in a lingerie store)
• have a 24 hour lets-pay-out-Jess-Morton session
• stalk each other for a whole week as a personal joke
• teach a history class together and be loved by all of them!!!

the jacki test

how jacki are you? take our test and find out!!

Question one: The name tag on the font of your school diary reads:
a) Your full name, neat and tidy, in black biro
b) a scrawl which resembles half of your first name
c) corb-dog

Question two: You have been known to stalk teachers...true or false?
a) false!
b) who told you that?
c) honey, they dont call me "creepy eyes" for nothin!

Question three: If someone were to pay you, say, eight dollars, would you ever drink paint?
a) how dumb do you think i am?
b) ill pay you to let me drink it

Question four: Its better to be...
a) rich with unhappiness
b) poor with happiness
c) naked with custard

Question five: If tv has taught us anything, it is that:
a) you cant believe everything you hear
b) it is normal for at least three of your friends to die per week

Question six: Have you ever taken advantage of anyone?
a) isnt that illegal?
b) no, seriously, isnt it?
c) pfft, miss shanahan practically begged me to

Question seven: I'm not really much of a musical person...
a) why not?
b) ill musical your person

Question eight: Has your own mother ever payed you out?
a) like, no. We're practically best friends
b) this one time. Actually, no.
c) she keeps score

Question nine: You were upset when you got out of the shower because...
a) someone had used up all the shampoo
b) it was slippery and you fell
c) you found an old uterus in the soap dish

Question ten: Which of the following makes the most sense?
a) the subatomic particle of etc etc...
b) iron helps us play!
c) man, they were the suckiest sucks that ever sucked! did i tell you how much they sucked? it was gay. gay gay gay. dude!

Question eleven: Danced in front of the mirror with no clothes?
a) ew
b) maybe once, when i was drunk
c) clothes?

Question twelve: Life motto?
a) If it werent for the last minute, nothing would get done
b) an apple a day keeps the doctor away
c) you just heat it, then eat it!

Question thirteen: Did you ever...oh never mind
a) yes
b) yes
c) yes

Question fourteen: Your favourite part of school is...
a) lunch.
b) english. man those naps are good.
c) toilets

Question fifteen: At the end of your ideal date, you...
a) get a kiss from your crush
b) polish your new engagement ring
c) drop miss shanahan home


SCORING!!!
Mostly A's
Dont worry, you're safe:
Mostly B's
Halfway there, you sexy wench.
Mostly C's
Zip up your jacki suit

the love test

ok so right now im in dt blogging (again)
miss shanahan if ur reading this right now (which you probably will be because ill probably make you) i love you
so im on The Spark doing random tests, so here are my results:
according to The Spark i am...
38% lazy
20% vice presidential
23% greedy
and have an iq of....oh i cant be bothered to finish this test

emmy is my bitch

well i just called miss shanahan my bitch
she loves it baby

the wait is over

the wait is over, its finally here:
the letter i wrote to miss shanahan during modern when i was supposed to be writing a diary entry that stated the activities of the Haganah.
Enjoy:

This is not as gay

Diary Entry - 9th March 1950
Dear Diary,
Today I found out that the term "underground organisation" doesn't actually mean that we live under the ground.
I have to say, I'm a little dissapointed. But whatever. I still have other things to keep me busy, like today, my teacher in the ways of the Haganah, Miss Hanashan, made me research The Haganah. She said I had to know more about it before I could enter the exclusive club in the Haganah, which she probably only made up so she could laugh at me and tell me to shut up whenever I asked her a question. Whatever. She never has to know that I cry myself to sleep
every night because of the way she tells me to shut up.
Anyway, I found out lots of stuff which took up lots of valuable brain space, like that the Haganah started in 1920, in particular by activists in Jerusalem and
Tel-Aviv, who formed commitees, got some weapons, and recruited volunteers. I bet Miss Hanashan really wants to take over the world. Thats probably why she started her exclusive little clique in the Haganah. I wonder if shes the only member.
I also found out that in the riots of 1929, the Haganah proved to be quite successful. Probably because Miss Hanashan was there. I secretly admire her, and the way she streaks her hair. I bet she only told us that her little sister did it incase we didnt like it, and she needed someone to blame it on. But she doesnt have to worry. We really do like it. Well, I would like it more if she didnt tell me to shut up all the time. But I bet she doesnt even mean it. She probably only tells me to shut up so that she doesnt make everyone else in the class jealous, because she really likes me the best.
Apparently in the Arab Revolt (which was in 1936 -1939), the Haganah organised special squads. They were specially trained to attack people. The Haganah was officially illegal by this time. Illegal? My mum so wouldnt be happy if she could see me right now. I bet she would be happier if the Haganah people lived under the ground.
Seriously, that would be so much cooler. I read about this place where people live under ground. It was so cool.
I wonder if Miss Hanashan lives under the ground. Probably. And if she doesnt, I bet she wishes she does.
During the time when Israel became a state, David ben-Gurion (what a cool dude) decided that Israel wasnt allowed to have any armed militia (ok, maybe not so cool after all). But the Israel Defence Forces were formed on the 26th of May (2 months after my friends birthday), 1948 (wait, like 52 years before she was actually born. Whatever), and the Haganah became the official defence force of Israel. Yeah baby! They could not have chosen a cooler defence group. And not just because Miss Hanashan is part of it.
I wonder if Miss Hanashan knows its my birthday tomorrow. Maybe as my birthday present she wont tell me to shut up. Ah, the high road. I wonder if she will put herself into a big cardboard cake and do a dance for our whole Haganah class.
Wow. I just found out that KFC supports the Klu Klux Klan. Miss Hanashan told me. She is so learned.
She knows like everything. Maybe thats why she tells me to shut up all the time. Probably. Whatever.

I only have 15 minutes left to write this diary entry. Miss Hanashan just told me. I wonder if she will read this to find out how much I found out about the Haganah. Probably not. Or if she does, she will just write "shut up" on the top in red pen as her comment.
Well, now I have to finish this diary entry and go do some more work for Miss Hanashan before she tells me to shut up again.
Dont tell anyone I secretly crave her shut ups.
Until next time my sweet diary friend.
Jacki

shower thoughts #2

you think you know someone, and then one day you wake up dead because they killed you.

my mum keeps coming in and im not supposed to be on msn, so i keep opening a word document each time she comes into the room and typing the same sentance over and over again ahaha i cant believe shes buying it

mystery unsolved

so me and julia just realised that we have no idea what corpretts first name is
so we were trying to think, hmm, what could it be?
so i said to julia i said "its either something really manly like clint, or really un-manly, like jean"

so then julia looks in the school diary and found out his name starts with J
curious, very curious
so here is your mission: im going to list all the possible names he could have, u vote for which one it is and if i ever find out, ill tell yall.

• jean
• justin
• janoni
• jeckland
• jub
• jocky
• jessheadface

is it just me, or does my baby photo kind of look like ryan atwood?

ok, i just found out that today when i was at home (freaking out and trying to finish my modern assessmant, the whole thing of which got DELETED OFF MY COMPUTER i swear i have not nearly died so many times in 2 days, this is getting ridiculous), miss shanahan read my, ah hem, diary entry on the haganah, shall we call it? out to the whole class, much to their amusement

for those who dont have the privelage of being in our modern class, ill post it asap

heres a little something i scored off hotmail:
add it to ur blog


1 MINUTE AGO: watching home and away
1 HOUR AGO: woo! netball! yeah!
1 DAY AGO: i finished my modern assessmant!!!
1 YEAR AGO: i was a lowly 15 yr old
I LOVE: life
I HATE: hating
I FEAR: cockroaches and rubber gloves
I FEEL: acoustic
I HIDE: behind huge sunglasses
I'VE DRIVEN: you crazy
I MISS: kiera + bubs
I NEED: to stop doing quizzes like this one
FIRSTS...
screename: jacki
piercing: ears
credit card: not yet :P
enemy: none! maybe mrs buckwalter?
big car ride: cousins wedding
LASTS...
movie seen: bringing down the house
food consumed: candy cane
phone call: madi
CD played: music of the finn brothers
drink drank: water
SHORT ANSWER:
I AM: random
I WANT: to want nothing
I ALWAYS: act before i think
I DANCE: whenever theres music
I SING: like i wish i could
I CRY: on rare occasions
I WRITE: if i must
I WIN: worlds biggest dork
I LOSE: my keys
I CONFUSE: people when i try to explain home and away
I SHOULD: change my voicemail
IN THE LAST 2 DAYS HAVE YOU...
CRIED: no
HELPED SOMEONE: yeah
GOTTEN SICK: nope
GONE TO THE MOVIES: nup
SAID I LOVE YOU: yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: to miss shanahan lol
HAD A SERIOUS TALK: come on, its me
FAVORITES...
NUMBER: 3
COLOR(S): pink and yellow
DAYS: saturdays and fridays
MONTH: december and march
SONG(S): penny and me
SEASON: summer
WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT? moine
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? purple
WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR UNDIES RIGHT NOW? pink and green polkadots
DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? a doggie called oscar and a kitty called nala
WHAT'S YOUR DAD AND MOM'S MIDDLE NAME? anthony and no name
WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BED SHEETS? yellow
HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW? 8 dollars and 25 cents

how annoying

ok so here i am in dt with ellen and we are both boring ourselves to death because in case u didnt know, writing a project proposal is possibly the most boring thing on earth

this morning one of those really annoying things happened at the train station, where you're walking one way, and some other random is walking the oppposite way like really quickly, and you're not anywhere near each other, until THEY decide to change their path and totally get in YOUR way and then make a huge deal out of it by going "pfft, sigh, how rude" etc etc, even when it totally wasnt your fault

ohmigosh its so annoying
and i was like hey buddy, we were totally fine until YOU decided to be a complete buttface and get in MY way so really you should be apologizing to me.
its so annoying.

anyway you guys have to know that you're lucky im here typing to you at all because last night i was almost killed.

by a spider.
like 2 weeks ago i saw it right above our dining room table, and i said to my mum, i said "mum, please get rid of that spider" and she said "no, it wont bother you" and my dad said "actually its moved quite far since this morning, when it was at the front of the house"
IT MOVED FROM THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE TO THE LIVING ROOM IN ONE DAY???
that is so scary so i told everyone if you dont move it right now, i will probably wake up in like 2 days and it will be right above my head and i will die.
but of course everyone ignored me because i am jacki, and they all assumed it was crazy talk.
two weeks later i wake up at like 1 o clock in the morning or something to find THE SPIDER, THATS RIGHT THE VERY SAME SPIDER right above my head TRYING TO KILL ME
it practicly climbed down my throat and tried to choke me to death.

so of course i had to do something about it.
seeings as most people kill spiders with shoes, i tried to do that, but of course i couldnt actually hit it with the shoe for fear that it would jump over the shoe and onto my hand, so i resorted to cowering in the opposite corner of the room and using a combination of spraying deoderant and throwing action figures in the general direction.
20 minutes later when the spider was still alive, probably plotting to kill me/take over the world (starting with my room) i decided that i only had one thing left to resort to.
i had to go and get mummy.

and of course she was angry because a) it was one o clock in the morning and b) the spider was only about the size of a 50 cent coin (so sue me, i dont like them), but, i had to remind her, this situation would never have come about if SHE AND THE REST OF THEM had just listened to me in the very beginning.

so there
be thankful i am still alive

back to dt
jacki

its official. ive always been this much of a dork.

me trying to score a little more bath time 

cathe 

me trying to pose and looking like a total idiot 

matching stripes 

catherine and baby jacki. shes probably plotting my death or something. p.s check out my HOT pink fluffy pants!! 

baby catherine 

i was looking thru an old foto album today and saw all these pictures of us as little kids, and it reminded me of a simpler times
so enjoy, ill post some soon

in other words...

heres the lyrics to forever young after i attacked them with a thesaurus:

let's boogie in fashion (Lets dance in style)
let's boogie for a time (Lets dance for a while)
cloud nine can remain we're only examining the skies (Heaven can wait we're only watching the sky)
eager for the greatest but charged with the nastiest (Hoping for the best but expecting the worst)
are you gonna slump the blast or not (are you going to drop the bomb or not)
let us expire juvenile or let us exist everlastingly (let us die young or let us live forever)
dont have the authority but we never say by no means (dont have the power but we never say never)
meeting in the sandpit (sitting in the sandpit)
being is a petite expedition (life is a short trip)
music's for the gloomy chap (musics for the sad man)
can you envision when this competition is dashed (can you imagine when this race is run)
rotate our yellow faces into the sun (turn our golden faces into the sun)
admiring our influential, getting in melody (praising our leaders, getting in tune)
the music's played by the nutty male (the musics played by the mad man)
eternally immature, i want to be eternally immature (forever young, i want to be forever young)
do you truly want to survive without end, (do you really want to live forever)
eternally, eternally (forever, forever)
eternally immature, i want to be eternally immature (forever young, i want to be forever young)
do you really want to survive without end, (do you really want to live forever)
eternally, eternally (forever, forever)

guess who at ages 3 and 4? 

i miss holidays
so much more crazy crap goes on, like

• our christmas dinner at crows nest when we walked through that really creepy ally at like 10pm and then sat in the park and at 25 dollars worth of food from gloria jeans
• when me and madi hid in julias bed for 2 hours waiting for her to come home from the hairdressers so we could throw her a suprise welcome back from vietnam party
• that time that we all went over to jacks for a movie marathon from 11 till 11, and someone spilt coke all over the rug and we thought barb was going to kill us
• that same time at jacks, when robbie and jack told us we had to come walk the dog with them, and we could only stay at the house if we cleaned up, so we promised them we'd clean up but we ended up sitting around and talking and eating, and then robbie and jack came back and cleaned up for us
• that time at lord howe when me and julia sat in her room for like an hour taking pictures of ourselves pretending to be other people
• singing love song dedications on new years eve at two in the morning

only five weeks till the next holidays booyah baby

we love pat 

me trying to look as cool as mel playing the guitar and kind of resembling a cowboy 

mel pulling off the sexy/cool/female-jack-johnson/guitar playing look  

clare, janey, beff, ellen, han n me 

me, han, janey, ellen, beff, kc, some random 

julia n jacki on the bus to camp 

me and jj at our party 

crazy people at our party 

thats it baby

well, i did it
it took me 6 hours straight, but i finished the essay sections of both my history assessmants

booyah

happy birthday to me

just dropped in for a quick chat before home and away
how are we all?
good day today because it was the best day of the year, also known as my birthday
wait make that second best day, becoz i like christmas better
anyway i had four parties today, one in tutor group, one in our group, one in modern and one at netball
so i feel loved
i also got three obviously heartfelt messages from jj, boo and jack.
woops i gtg, dinner and home and away (obviously at the same time because its my birthday so i get special privelages)
xoxoxo
jac

shower thoughts #1

i was thinking today, i probably do the best thinking i do in the shower
seriously
what better a time is there to think? no place i know
so today in the shower i was thinking about people getting their arms cut off and sewn back on again
and im thinking...what if they totally messed it up and sewed your arms back on the wrong way around?
like, how annoying would that be? You'd have to like stand backwards to pick anything up. And how hard would it be to type? Or write? Or cook dinner?
stay tuned for more totally-relevent-to-your-life shower thoughts!

ok all you crazy ladies out there OHMIGOSH get excited because this blog is back baby
even more back then arnold schwartznegger was that time he came back in terminator
so saddle up your booties because its back and its better than ever and it has a new template

this is the hottest blog right now if it were any hotter i could fry your breakfast on it
today was pretty boring apart from the fact that it was the SECOND BEST DAY OF THE YEAR EVER, WELL SO FAR ANYWAY

so i had modern which TOTALLY ROCKED because it is modern and modern totally rocks, and i was supposed to be writing a diary entry pretending i was part of the Haganah, some Jewish organisation, but i pretty much wrote a letter to miss shanahan saying that we all loved her and lots of other crazy crap and she gave me chocolate and only told me to shut up twice so that was ok
AND we didnt have maths today which was so totally cool.
and miss mitchell chased me down the hallway to tell me happy birthday for tomorrow because she wont be at school and its her birthday too! ohmigosh so cool

and then english was really boring BUT i didnt fall asleep so yay!! first time in the year!!

ohmigosh and so cool i have FOUR parties tomorrow for my birthday WOOHOO yeah party down people

miss shanahan so rocks