Friday, March 30, 2012

Soap Operas, Annoying Chicks, Macaroons and Vampires

Lets talk about TV.

One of the best things about finishing work at 4pm on a Thursday is that by the time I get to the gym and hop on the treadmill, The Bold and The Beautiful is juuuust about starting.  While an addict of Home and Away since the age of 9, I've never actually shown any interest in this brand of American soap opera.  My friend Julia used to watch Passions in high school and always raved about it, but it's never been my thing.  I never even bothered to tune in because I dismissed it as lame, over the top and idiotic.  As of today, I think this is the biggest Life Fail I have ever committed.  What?


Have you guys watched this show before?  I'm prone to hyperbole but I swear to god there is no exaggeration when I say The Bold and The Beautiful is probably...I don't want to undersell this...probably the greatest thing that has ever been invented, in the universe, ever.  Well, second best to toasted cheese sandwiches.  But apart from those, GREATEST INVENTION EVER.

I'm kidding of course.  This show is insane.  And - unlike Charlie Sheen, Home and Away, and the amount of alcohol in these new Smirnoff Double Blacks With Guarana that I've recently discovered - not insane in a good way.  Here is a summary of everything I saw in the first 5 minutes:
  • Some dude proposing to another dude's wife
  • The wife saying yes
  • The husband seeing a vision of the whole thing via tea leaves
There are no words.  In all honesty, I would have changed channel straight away if it wasn't for this guy:

Speaking of TV and insanity, Those Two Chicks I Can't Stand won the grand final of My Kitchen Rules on Tuesday evening.  There are no words to describe how upset this makes me. Except these ones: 
A Little Bit
If I'm honest - as much as I love My Kitchen Rules - I kind of stopped caring after Steve and Helen were kicked off.  First of all, Steve was like a Greek version of my Dad.  And secondly, they were the ones who made THIS:

Eliminate a team like that and you will lose all credibility in my eyes.  Do you hear me, French Judge?  Jacki Trew thinks you made a poor life decision!!!

So the MKR final ended up being between The Annoying Chicks and The Hot Dudes.  Seeings as it was the final and I had to pick one, I ended up going for The Hot Dudes (mainly because they're hot, and they're dudes - it's not rocket science), but I'm not surprised that they lost.  Their desert had macaroons in it.  Macaroons.  Hello?  The bright colours are pretty and I'm sure they're delicious, but the first and only thing I've ever noticed about these biscuits is that if you turn one on its side, it TOTALLY looks like a vagina.  This is the main reason I have never eaten one.
What else?
So I watched the latest movie in the Twilight series the other day.  OH MY GOD HOW HAVE I NOT TALKED ABOUT THIS YET?  I'm guessing most people have seen this movie by now, so I'm probably not breaking any new ground with this statement, but I don't care.  I'm gonna put it out there anyway.  
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 might be...the worst movie I have ever seen in my life.  

Okay, exaggeration.  It's bad, but it's not THAT bad.  It's terrible, but it's not THAT terrible.  It's corny, but it's not THAT corny.  I'm being pretty generous by the way.  Just in case you're one of the tens of people living on Earth who HASN'T seen this movie, I implore you - don't.  Don't see it.  You don't need to see it, you don't want to see it.  It is bad, and terrible, and corny.  The only reason I can say with complete honesty that it's NOT the worst movie I've seen in my life is because I am an idiot who actively searches for and watches bad movies.  Don't believe me?

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