Sunday, March 18, 2012

Go Steve And Helen!!

Alex and I have been watching a lot of Gossip Girl recently.  GG is one of those TV shows I was avid about for the first couple of seasons, and then completely gave up on.  Usually this happens because I have the attention span of an under-developed wombat, and therefore can't be bothered waiting more than 3 years for a leading couple to actually hook up...exactly the problem I had with Bones, which I stopped watching after Brennan rejected Booth's advances for the 3rd time.  Evidentally I'm okay with this kind of behavior when it comes to my own social life - as Boyfriend could tell you - but when it involves two fictional characters who otherwise have no significant impact on any aspect of my existance whatsoever - UNACCEPTABLE.  Everyone knows there are only 3 reasons to watch television these days:1) Sex
2) Music
3) Comedy
2 out of 3 is acceptable, but I'd really rather be hitting the trifecta.  Otherwise there's just no point!  If I wanted to watch the leading lady NOT hooking up with the guy of her dreams, ignoring her professional life and basically running herself off the rails to the point where it actually becomes comical, I wouldn't have to turn on the TV.  I'd just remember my own life between the ages of 17 and 21. 
Anyway, Gossip Girl.  It kind of annoys me the way none of the characters can be bothered pronouncing any name with more than 2 syllables - preferring instead to just refer to each other as V, or J, or S, or whatever-the-hell first letter their name starts with.  Can you say obnoxious?  Plus the way they all swap sexual partners can't be hygenic on any level.  But the first three or four seasons were surprisingly entertaining, especially the second time around.  And not just for me - I even convinced Boyfriend to spend one morning watching it with me in bed.  Mainly with the promise that a threesome occures somewhere around episode 60, but still.  I'm pretty sure he was into it anyway:
Speaking of TV, I'm loving the way My Kitchen Rules is going at the moment.  Most recent to compete in the Sudden Death Cook-Off were early favourites Steve and Helen, and Simon and Meg who I dislike based on principle seeings as they're the only team from New Zealand.  IF IT'S NOT RACIST TO ROOT FOR THE WALLABIES OVER THE ALL BLACKS, THEN THIS ISN'T RACIST EITHER.  I missed most of the episode, but tuned in just in time to see the presentation of dessert.  Helen and Steve went with a classic orange cake trifle and in my eyes, won it immediately.  Alcohol, custard, mess - what's not to love about trifle?  Simon and Meg on the other hand, decided to try individual devils food cakes, which they struggled to even get out of the tins.  This appears to be a theme with them, at least if the episode last Sunday (where they made individual white chocolate mud cakes...which they also struggled to get out of the tins) is any indication.  They of course blamed the tins, using the excuse that they were not non-stick as described.  I used the excuse that Simon and Meg are fucking idiots who do not know how to cook. 
About 45 nail-bitingly tense seconds later they DID get their cakes on the plate, and - to my utter dismay - the judges actually enjoyed them.  What kind of professional chef ARE you, Karen Martini?  Don't you know Meg forgot to spray those tins with olive oil??  Regardless, the prize of the night still went to Helen and Steve who had apparently done something incredible with squid ink during the entree.

I was elated.  This was definitely the most ideal outcome, especially considering I'd promised to put my foot through the TV if Steve and Helen had not been the team to progress to the next stage of the competition.  Great for New Zealand, not so great for me and my foot.  Or, I suppose, the TV.  Go Steve and Helen!!

In other news, last night was the night of my 22nd birthday party/bucks night extraordinairre.  I don't wanna give away too much seeings as I'll probably do a longer post on it later - when I'm not still half drunk and battling with the combo of Red Bull and meatball sub that I just put in my stomach.  But it was more awesome than the penthouse suite at Caesar's Palace Las Vegas.  I'm assuming.  I've personally never stayed in the penthouse suite at Caesar's Palace Las Vegas, but I heard it's only kind of incredible.  My 22nd birthday party/bucks night, on the other hand, was completely off the chain.  It was so far from the chain, we couldn't even see the chain.  The chain was merely a speck in the distance.  I think it was actually staying in the penthouse suite at Caesar's Palace Las Vegas.
Anyway, like I said I'm not going into it too much right now.  But here are a few highlights to tide you over:

Me: Sorry if I'm making you feel awkward.
Yoni: Oh, trust me, you can't.  It's impossible to make me feel awkward.
Me: Oh really?
Yoni: Yeah.
Me: Oh really?
Yoni: Yeah.
Me: I talk to my parents about anal sex sometimes.
Yoni: (silence)

Me: Where were you guys?
Boyfriend: At Showgirls.
Me: Oh, did you get a lapdance?
Boyfriend: No.
Me: Oh my God, because you really love me?
Boyfriend: ...I ran out of money.

Elle: So anyway, as I was saying -
(Random Irish guy sits down)
Random Irish Guy: Oh hello! Mind if I sit down here?
Elle: I guess not.
Random Irish Guy: Oh that's lovely.  Tell me, I don't mean to be forward, but are any of you girls looking for love?
Elle: Umm..
Me: Nope.
Gem: No.
Elle: Kat is!
Kat: (Shaking head)
Random Irish Guy: Oh, you know, I don't mean to be forward.  I'm actually involved myself.  But, you know, it is St Patricks Day, so...
Random Irish Guy: Okay, I'll just go. (Gets up and leaves)
(Again, silence)
Me: Was that guy a leprechaun?

Boyfriend: Hey man, we're going to Lane Cove, can you take us?
Cabbie: Not going that way.  Sorry.
Boyfriend: Alright, thanks anyway.
Me: Please?  Can't you please take us? (Trying to smile nicely)
Cabbie: I'm sorry darling, I ca -

More later.

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