Sunday, June 05, 2011

Men In Uniform

Me again.  I want to talk about Masterchef for a second.
What is this, a competition for morons?  Obviously I'm kidding, since those people are pretty incredible and I struggle with toasted sandwiches.  But there are times when watching Masterchef that I am genuinely baffled by the contestants lack of knowledge when it comes to the English language.  I don't know; maybe it's the pressure of cooking.  Maybe it's having ten cameras shoved in their face.  But honestly?  There is a basic level on which you'd expect any educated Australian over the age of 9 to be able to communicate.  And this isn't it:

Random Contestant: I hope to cook something good for the judges today, because now that I've gotten to know them, I feel that not cooking good isn't something they're going to appreciate.

Perhaps I am paraphrasing, but basically?  I have heard that sentence (or some version of it) come out of at least seven people's mouths since I started watching the show.  Yes, you are on a program about competitive cooking.  Cooking well is probably what you should hope to achieve.  Congratulations; you have just graduated to 'Complete Dumbass'.

On a more positive note...while I may (jokingly) question the intelligence of the people on Masterchef, there is no doubt that at least some of them are pretty genius in the kitchen.  Did you guys see the 'tinned and frozen food' challenge?  I don't know what that chick's pink sugary foam dessert was made out of, but I wanted to lay down in a bed of it and roll around.  While eating that other dude's Milo chocolate mousse, and making out with Hayden.  Hayden is the only contestant whose name I can be counted on to remember because he is the hottest, and I am as shallow as the wading pool at Macquarie Leisure Centre. 
Actually the only reason I can remember Hayden is because my friend Julia once compared him to a golden retriever, and that is a memory hilarious enough to stick with me forever.  As for the other contestants, try not to be offended by the fact that not only do I not know your names, I will probably never bother to learn them.  For me, part of the fun of shows like Masterchef is inventing my own names for the contestants, based on their cooking style or personal appearance.  Did we learn nothing from The Serial Killer Cooks of My Kitchen Rules?
I am a terrible person.

So Alex and I have recently become obsessed with Channel 9's sub-par Navy-themed TV show Sea Patrol.  By which I of course mean, "I've always been a little obsessed, and now I am forcing Alex to watch it with me".  It's one of those shows I just don't enjoy watching by myself.  Fortunately the abundance of shirtless men that appear means it's never hard for me to find a female watching companion.

Umm...what was I talking about again?
Shirtless men are immensley enjoyable, but the best thing about watching Sea Patrol with Alex is that more than actually listening to/following what's happening on the screen, we prefer to invent our own storylines.  Mostly ones which involve us hooking up with whichever character we happen to be in love with at the time.  Did someone say 'juvenile'?  Thanks for that input.  I am aware that it's lame and childish, but I think having our own house together gives us enough Adult Points to counteract a faux relationship with one of these guys:

Plus, I am a sucker for a man in uniform and always will be.

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