Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Coffee-Addicted Moron

So, okay.  Last night - after work training - I thought it might be fun to drink 5 cups of coffee and watch Sweeney Todd before going to bed.  This confirms three suspicions I have had for a while now:

1) Johnny Depp is pretty fantastic
2) Coffee before bed gives me better dreams
3) I am a fucking idiot

Last night I had a dream where I went op-shopping and found a ton of great stuff.  It was awesome, but as much as I love these dreams, I hate them aswell.  That feeling of waking up and realising that a) You don't have a cupboard full of vintage clothing, b) You don't have the money for a cupboard full of vintage clothing, and c) someone in the apartment below you thinks it's okay to use a powerdrill at 8:30 in the morning...well, it's not pleasant.
So the coffee thing.  Yes, I'm a moron.  But I'm a coffee-addicted moron; I'm a moron who is used to consuming large and potentially unhealthy amounts of caffeine at a time.  So I figured 5 cups - while excessive - probbly wouldn't harm me as much as a regular person.  Right?  Because I'm not a regular person.  Right?  I'm a super-person.  Right?  A super-caffeinated-person.  Right.
I woke up at around 5:30.  Groggy, incoherant, freezing, and 100% certain that something in my stomach was alive and trying to eat its way out.  Honest to God...I have never felt tummy pain like that in my life.  Alright, that is a lie.  I have eaten my own cooking on several occasions, after all.  But seriously?  It was pretty bad.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to vomit, pee, or wake up Alex to call an ambulance.  In the end I decided to forgo all three and just curled into the fetal position to cry.  Damn you, Blend43!  Not for as long as I live shall I ever let you pass my lips again!  Again, that is a lie.  I'm actually drinking some right now.  What can I say?  Coffee-addicted moron.

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