Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Keen As Vegemite

So remember the time I blogged about that Selling Houses Australia show on the Lifestyle Channel which my parents are addicted to?
I just saw an ad on TV for a new season, titled 'Selling Houses Australia - EXTREME'.  This is interesting to me.  Extreme?  I'm having mental images of realtors in purple spandex jumping out of aeroplanes.  Or, you know, houses with glow-in-the-dark wallpaper that shoot lasers from the front door.  Is this realistic?  Probably not, but one thing is for sure, and that's that my parents are gonna have a joint-freaking-heart-attack when they find out.  Things are about to get interesting in the Trew household.  Selling Houses Extreme??  This is gonna be bigger than the time Dad learned how to use predictive text on his mobile phone:

Lets talk about mustard.
I'm confused; first of all, what is it exactly?  With most spreads, I can think about them, I can deduce what they're made of, and I can decide whether or not I wanna eat them:
It's a simple enough process.  Except with mustard...
My second issue is with the phrase 'keen as mustard'.  Because that just does not make sense to me.  Probably the only thing that annoys and confuses me more than this is the way I find it almost IMPOSSIBLE to unstick the first square on a new roll of toilet paper.  Yes, my life is ridiculous.  Regardless, I fail to see how mustard is in any way keen.  It's not.  Proof?  Here is a list I comprised of all mustard's well-known qualities:
  • Yellow
  • Questionable
You may have noticed that 'keen' was not on the list.  This is because mustard is not keen.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying mustard can't be considered keen just because it's nothing but a savoury condiment.  You wanna talk about condiments, let's talk about Vegemite.  Not just because I'm Australian and therefore harbour a secret desire to cover myself in Vegemite and have Hugh Jackman lick it off.  That'd be a fun weekend, but Jackman or no Jackman, eating Vegemite is like getting punched in the mouth by Alf Stewart while you're standing on top of Uluru wearing a flag-print bikini.  It's pretty flippin' Aussie and it's pretty flippin' keen.  And yes, I'm well aware that the fact I've been talking about mustard for two and a half paragraphs is crazy.  I get it.  Crazy.  All I'm saying is if and when I take over the world, changing the phrase 'keen as mustard' is the first thing on my to-do list.  No, make that second.  First is to arrange the whole Hugh Jackman/Vegemite situation.

**UPDATE:  So (as with most things in life that make no sense to me), I've consulted Google Images on the whole 'keen as mustard' issue.  Houston, we have an answer:
Whatever.  Have you ever eaten mustard by itself?  There's no way Hugh Jackman is gonna be down for that.

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