So, my parents are currently obsessed with The Lifestyle Channel. At first it was funny, but now it's starting to scare me. They have this show about couples attempting to buy and sell houses...I'm not sure what it's called. Perhaps something along the lines of, Couples Attempting To Buy And Sell Houses. Or maybe Television So Boring You'll Want To Kill Yourself. Either would be appropriate. Anyway, this show is on my parents TV literally 24 hours a day. Not that their TV is turned on for 24 hours a day. But you can bet that when it is, this show will be playing.
I wake up in the morning - it's on TV.
I come home after work at night - it's on TV.
I stumble down for a toasted ham and cheese at 3am - it's on TV.
The second worst part is that it's hosted and narrated by these two British dudes. Normally I'm a huge fan of British people and all they have to offer, but these guys and their snotty accents make me wanna take those ham and cheeses I was just talking about and SHOVE them into my EARS. And the first worst part? Well it was playing this afternoon (of course it was), and I happened to catch one of the hosts talking about a couple who'd sold their family home in 2006 and spent the last 4 years trying to find another one which measured up. And then THIS happened:
Dad: Well if they loved their old family home so much, why did they move in the first place?
Jacki: Because they're dumb as fuck, that's why.
Dad: No, dear, it's okay. (Sighs heavily) She's right.
Is there anything better than the knowledge that - after tolerating two straight decades of poor language - your parents have finally given up on you?
I feel so proud.