Friday, December 21, 2012

The End Of The World As We Know It

I like to think that anyone who knows me well thinks that I'm pretty nice.  A total loon, maybe, but pretty nice.  I try my hardest to be a good girl.  I don't trip people in the street.  If I make fun of you, I'm probably joking.  I would never steal, cheat or lie (unless we're playing a game of Monopoly in which case you should definitely expect it).  And one thing I pride myself on never subjecting another person to, is rubbing it in their face when I am right and they are wrong.  Like, saying 'I told you so.'  I wouldn't pull that crap on anyone.  Ever.  Never.

Except for today.

Wait.  So it wasn't John Cusack who made an apocalyptic prediction three thousand years ago?  Huh.

I'm kidding of course.  I can be dumb, but secondary education and the invention of Wikipedia means there's no way I could be that dumb.  I just didn't want to run the risk of telling the Mayans to 'suck it', in the unlikely event that one of them read it and have me arrested for a hate crime.

Fuck you Mayans.

I believe that when the world does end, it will be one of six ways:  Hurricane, tidal wave, bushfire, super-tornado, zombie apocalypse, or some combination thereof.   
Lucky for me, living in a 2-bedroom apartment on the top story of a building in Coogee means that if/when the world does end, I won't have to worry about it:
Hurricane: Hurricane, schmurricane.  Point one, I'm pretty sure there are no records of any hurricane ever having taken place in Coogee.  Really think the end of the world would change that?  Doubt it.
Tidal Wave: You might think practically living on the beach would make this one the biggest threat of all.  Well, you would think wrong, idiot.  Coogee, while not the number one surfing capital of Sydney, has got to be at least top five.  I may not know how to surf now, but I'm 100% confident that should the occasion arise, my Coogee-genes would totally kick in and allow me to drop in on a 100ft monster.  100ft monster, is that right?  I'm not even sure if 'drop in' is a legitimate surfing term.  But it doesn't matter.  Because I live in Coogee.
Bushfire: I live near the water, I am immune to fire.  Duh.
Super-Tornado:  First of all - as far as I'm concerned, the only difference between 'Hurricane' and 'Super Tornado' are those crazy windy super twisty tubes that come down from the sky like in The Day After Tomorrow.  Second of all - as if that doesn't look like the funnest roller-coaster of all time.  Except you don't have to wear seatbelts.
Zombie Apocalypse:  This is probably the easiest.  Since Fiance bought a Playstation 3 and I bought Black Ops II, the two of us have been playing so much survival in Zombie Mode together that I'm honestly confident I could single-handledly save the world.  I mean, Fiance could be there and all.  But I could probably do it on my own.  Actually, I would probably prefer to do it solo.  There is no bigger confidence booster than single-handedly saving the world.  Plus everyone knows it means never having to pay for your own drinks again.


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