so many thanks to ellen and jane for just making my day by showing me that feral feral picture of a cat feetus (however you spell it - im not a freaking scientist) with only one eye, truly, im living a better life due to that
not
im scarred for life
almost as scarred as i am by seeing that bit of Borat with the two naked guys wrestling with each other, and one of them is so fat that you cant even tell hes a guy, actually im pretty sure hes a woman
shes a woman
whatever
um also thanks to miss mitchell for also making my day by giving back my ancient assessment and then proceeding to tell me everything that i did wrong, especially in the opening paragraph of the third question, where my answer read (and i kid you not):
The Ramesside Period in Egypt began after the death of Ahken-Aten, which caused the cult of Aten to be abandoned. After this, features of Egypt which had been removed in the previous dynasty were restored, and the first pharaoh to rule over the new period in Egypt was (insert name here).
Yeah
so pretty much i suck
other than that my day was pretty average, and im now feeling like an absolute blob on account of the fact that i ate two dinners tonight, which im now regretting with the whole cat-feetus-with-one-eye-train-of-thought

now im ewwed out

IM A WOMAN!
BRING ON THE EROTIC CAKES!

a thousand plagues on roseville and their stupid stupid network!!!!!!!
isnt it just the luck that auc is down on the same weekend that i have to finish my freaking ancient assessment?

oh vandy...we hardly knew yee

so today was the very momentous but of course sad day in which we had to sit on vandy for the very last time
because on monday we were supposedly moving into the commonroom (apparently this is no longer true, but today was so sad that im sure none of us could do it again. also we already ate all the food)
anyway the party started at recess and we covered vandy in balloons and streamers and posters and a banner that read "Farewell Vandy" then proceeded to eat our way through about 6kg of food and sing half the Celene Dion album in our best voices :)
also there was a cake shaped like a vagina, in true vandy style, because we know theres no point in having a cake unless everyone else on the planet is insulted by it
so after finishing off the vagina cake in record time (despite Emmy's insinuation that we would be "eating pussy") the party continued on into lunch, where we ate another few kilos of food, sang Kiss Me and some more Celene, took photos, threw food at each other, laughed at the year tens, reminised about times on Vandy, lay on the ground and prentended to vomit everywhere, chased Emmy halfway round the school (sidebar: she did come, but only for like one second = im heartbroken), went crazy and tore up all the posters and balloons
and then finally it was time for our last exit from Vandy, which Ellen, Gemmy, Beff and I had intended to do in style, slowly, while singing "my heart will go on", until our plan was interrupted by a wasp the size of a small cat and we were forced to run screaming towards the locker room

so there
that was it
the last vandy ever
oh vandy...we hardly knew yee

Shower Thoughts #15

um
major breakthrough
...
is Emmy my stalker?

have i found my stalker?

so
had to walk home again this afternoon, which was the first time ive done so since the initial mauling of my leg because of my stalker, who we dont actually know the identity of
except that
we might maybe may know it now!

after that post i wrote about the stalker stalking me and causing me to maul my own leg, i got a comment from some guy named Jimi, who said that he randomly discovered my blog and now comes here and reads it every day
every day
no one reads my blog every day! even my alter-egos dont read my blog every day!
also, "Jimi" says that he thinks "im probably wrong about the stalker thing, but maybe not"
you know what this means dont you?
Jimi
is
my
stalker
and you know what else that means?
that means Jimi is probably reading this right now, and going either:
a) Finally she figured it out; or
b) I feel so violated

but still.
so
is this the end of the seemingly endless quest to find my stalker, or should the journey continue, until everyone in the world becomes so freaked out about me accusing them of stalking me that i retreat to that wood in Wrong Turn, or some equally isolated area?

um
i totally got a new toothbrush today
so excited about using it tonight
......
oh the tension

stalker update

ok
so
um
just a little update on the whole someone-is-stalking-and-or-trying-to-kill-me thing, so when julia and i were on the train on friday morning, this freaky grey-haired, black trench coat and cowboy hat wearing man suddenly loomed into the carriage and started staring at us in this really weird way, like, i dont know, he was trying to memorise our faces so he could find and maul us later
anyway after that we got so scared (escpecially after he started mumbling to himself) so we got off at roseville (by the way, so did he - total stalker) and ran all the way to school so we wouldnt end up dead.
but thats not all
oh no

that afternoon as it were, i had to walk home (yes, again), and as i was walking past that freakish wooded area (you guys know what im talking about), i realised some man
yeah
a man
some man, in a leather coat
yeah
a leather coat
some man in a leather coat was walking behind me
but was he just walking behind me? probably not. definitely not.
no. he was totally following me.
anyway i did what any smart person would do, and i started running
unfortunately i also did what any not smart, totally uncoordinated and unfortunate person would do, and that was to fall off my shoe, trip over it, fly through the air, and end up with half of my leg all mauled

which im sure was of great entertainment to my stalker, mr leathercoat, my sister, who laughed at me when i got home, emmy, who gave me that look she always gives me as if to say 'how did i end up with such a weird stalker?' and pretty much everyone else on the planet
but actually, it actually hurt
so shut up