so i just got done watching australia's next top model and im so enraged by the fact that jordan got out and alice didnt that i decided to draft a letter of concern to Fox 8.
so this is it.
To the wonderful people at Fox 8,
Over the years, I've come to love the services that Fox 8 provides. Not just the weekend morning Simpsons, or the new years day Simple Life marathon. Not just the break-free Lost on sunday nights, or the re-runs of America's Next Top Model. Not just the fact that you air Prison Break, which stars my future husband. I really do love Fox 8.
However.
I have some concerns with the most recent showing of Australia's Next Top Model, and particularly some of the judges decisions regarding contestant Alice.
It has recently come to my attention that Alice is the worlds biggest mole.
I mean come on.
Who cries about getting sunburnt and then peeling? WELCOME TO AUSTRALIA ALICE. WE HAVE SUN HERE. And the "I'm so angry that I have to go swimming when my swimming costume is still damp from the last time I went swimming, during which I also complained over the fact that I was getting my swimming costume wet, and I spend too much of my time whining about having wet swimming costumes that I will forget to dry it, and then next time I go swimming I will complain about how it is still wet, and the circle of whinging will continue for ever and ever and ever until Jacki Trew's head explodes" thing is also quite infuriating.
So, in conclusion, I suggest that you, at Fox 8, provide me and all my friends with tickets to the live season final of Australia's Next Top Model so that we can live out our lifelong dreams of throwing poo at Alice as she walks down the runway.
Yours sincerely
Jacki Trew
p.s Thankyou for firing Erica Heynatz.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
"it rhymes with carolina!"
so today was a pretty awesome day
first off, i got my l's
yes its true.
after almost 15 months of constant nagging, insults, teasing and general annoyance from pretty much everyone over the fact that ive been too lazy to go out and get my l's, i finally got them.
and let me tell you, it wasnt easy. besides the whole 'having to know the road rules' thing, there was the fact that the universe is against me getting my l's.
the first time i went to get them, they wouldnt even let me take the test because i didnt 'have enough id', even though i gave them my school card, a bank statement, an eftpos card and both of my parents signiatures saying i am who i say i am. they suck.
the second time i went to get them, i failed, which im pretty sure is the fault of the rta, not myself, since the rta is gay, and somehow managed to find out which questions i hadn't studied, and then put ALL of those questions in my test.
anyway today when i went to get them, i was pretty certain i was going to pass, you know, because of the whole "third times a charm" thing, except that i forgot i had to go, left school late, missed my train, and had to run all the way from the station to the rta (which is no mean feat let me tell you), so that i could get there on time, which, by the way, i didnt, which gave the old guy behind the counter another reason to hate me, because its common knowledge that all old people hate me on account of the fact that they are old and i am not.
anyway. after i got them, the day got conciderably better because jessiebear decided to drive us all to chookas for hot chips and coke during our free, then we came back, ate them in front of everyone (which always feels good), and then spent the rest of the day reading vogue in the common room, burning popcorn, annoying miss shanahan and beth in the library by reading "where did i come from" out loud, not going to dt, being allowed to not go to dt, and getting bought chocolate by the awesome lauren kelton.
yep. and next top model is on.
i die with happiness
first off, i got my l's
yes its true.
after almost 15 months of constant nagging, insults, teasing and general annoyance from pretty much everyone over the fact that ive been too lazy to go out and get my l's, i finally got them.
and let me tell you, it wasnt easy. besides the whole 'having to know the road rules' thing, there was the fact that the universe is against me getting my l's.
the first time i went to get them, they wouldnt even let me take the test because i didnt 'have enough id', even though i gave them my school card, a bank statement, an eftpos card and both of my parents signiatures saying i am who i say i am. they suck.
the second time i went to get them, i failed, which im pretty sure is the fault of the rta, not myself, since the rta is gay, and somehow managed to find out which questions i hadn't studied, and then put ALL of those questions in my test.
anyway today when i went to get them, i was pretty certain i was going to pass, you know, because of the whole "third times a charm" thing, except that i forgot i had to go, left school late, missed my train, and had to run all the way from the station to the rta (which is no mean feat let me tell you), so that i could get there on time, which, by the way, i didnt, which gave the old guy behind the counter another reason to hate me, because its common knowledge that all old people hate me on account of the fact that they are old and i am not.
anyway. after i got them, the day got conciderably better because jessiebear decided to drive us all to chookas for hot chips and coke during our free, then we came back, ate them in front of everyone (which always feels good), and then spent the rest of the day reading vogue in the common room, burning popcorn, annoying miss shanahan and beth in the library by reading "where did i come from" out loud, not going to dt, being allowed to not go to dt, and getting bought chocolate by the awesome lauren kelton.
yep. and next top model is on.
i die with happiness
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
ladies and gentlemen
...
the impossible has happened.
the unachievable has been achieved.
the unobtainable has been obtained.
the unrealisable has been realised.
the unfeasible has been...feasibled?
whatever. the important thing is WEDNESDAY HAS BEEN SAVED.
by a little thing i like to call frousse raspberry mist frozen yoghurt.
which my mum introduced me to tonight, a little while after i posted my rant about how much of a suck this day is.
this isnt any ordinary yoghurt. oh no. it is THE ULTIMATE YOGHURT. which is frozen.
and frozen is always better.
always.
and not only is it frozen, it is the only thing in the universe which holds the ability to save wednesdays from suck-dom.
i clap my hands with glee, for wednesdays are back!!!
...
the impossible has happened.
the unachievable has been achieved.
the unobtainable has been obtained.
the unrealisable has been realised.
the unfeasible has been...feasibled?
whatever. the important thing is WEDNESDAY HAS BEEN SAVED.
by a little thing i like to call frousse raspberry mist frozen yoghurt.
which my mum introduced me to tonight, a little while after i posted my rant about how much of a suck this day is.
this isnt any ordinary yoghurt. oh no. it is THE ULTIMATE YOGHURT. which is frozen.
and frozen is always better.
always.
and not only is it frozen, it is the only thing in the universe which holds the ability to save wednesdays from suck-dom.
i clap my hands with glee, for wednesdays are back!!!
the ultimate suck
so today was in such strong contrast to last wednesday that if i tried, i could probably sit down and write a kick-ass A-grade english paper about it, although after typing that, i realise that this hypothetical paper would probably be neither kick-ass nor A-grade since nobody who has anything to do with the english department will ever be interested in anything i have to say, especially if it involves miss shanahan or prison break.
nevertheless i shall still proceed to explain the utter suckiness of my day, because (hopefully) nobody who reads this is a member of the english department, although i do have lingering suspicions that mrs fletcher reads it to cure her insatiable "jacki cravings".
whatever.
first of all, i had to wake up early to go to history extension, which, on any normal wednesday, would have been pretty ok, on account of the fact that it is wednesday, and no matter how early it is, no wednesday morning can ever get me down because it is common knowledge that i consider wednesdays the best days ever, except for THIS wednesday i already had a feeling that it was going to be a suck day (more about that later), so when i woke up, even though i should have been filled with joy and happiness because it was wednesday, the best day ever, i was filled with doubt and self-loathing, because it was wednesday, the worst day ever.
YOU HEARD ME
wednesday. a bad day.
i didnt even think that was possible.
anyway the suckiness continued because for the first three periods of the day i couldnt think about anything apart from how much i dislike alice from australia's next top model on account of the fact that she is a giant giant mole.
anyway, after that, we had ancient, which i thought may have had a chance of salvaging the day, but oh no, since miss mitchell was in some weird i-feel-like-torturing-jacki mood, and made me sit in some random assigned seat like 10,000km away from everyone else, and then proceeded to point out that i hadnt done yesterdays homework EVEN THOUGH I WAS AWAY YESTERDAY and therefore had no way of knowing that i even had ancient homework.
i mean come on.
anyway, after lunch (which wasnt even that good, thanks mum) i thought that maybe, maybe, maybe, since we had modern in 6th period, miss shanahan might feel it in her heart to realise my suffering and finally admit her undying love for me to cheer me up, but oh was i wrong, since not only did she laugh in my face after i explained how much of a sucky day i was having, but she then proceeded to laugh in my face about how she has the entirety of prison break season 2 on dvd, and how she COULD burn it for me and give it to me, but she wont, because, in her words...
emmy: it would be like some a currant affair program. "teacher gives student illegal drugs"
jacki: call me crazy but i dont think a dvd lies in the same area as illegal drugs
emmy: whatever. their pirated. thats so illegal
jacki: ive done too much illegal stuff to care at this point
emmy: they'd come after me!
jacki: i have like $1000 worth of pirated music on my computer and nobody's come after me yet!
emmy: whatever. end of discussion.
i mean how unfair is that!?
anyway, and i havent even got to the worst possible part of this wednesday yet.
yes. thats right.
it gets worse.
of course everybody knows that one of the best parts about wednesday is the fact that prison break AND heroes are on.
well guess what?
NEITHER ARE ON TONIGHT
thats right. thanks alot channel 7, for moving heroes to thursday, and then NOT PUTTING PRISON BREAK ON AND NOT EVEN EXPLAINING WHY
so now i have to sit in a stupor and sulk over the fact that im watching some homosexual johnny depp movie instead of prison break starring wentworth miller, my future husband.
and also try to imagine ways to torture whoever decided to not put prison break on tonight.
so there you have it. pretty much an essay on why this day has sucked.
i can only hope that in the four hours i have left of tonight, something happens to at least salvage the day, so that i may retain my faith in the wonder, the beauty and the awesomeness of wednesdays.
nevertheless i shall still proceed to explain the utter suckiness of my day, because (hopefully) nobody who reads this is a member of the english department, although i do have lingering suspicions that mrs fletcher reads it to cure her insatiable "jacki cravings".
whatever.
first of all, i had to wake up early to go to history extension, which, on any normal wednesday, would have been pretty ok, on account of the fact that it is wednesday, and no matter how early it is, no wednesday morning can ever get me down because it is common knowledge that i consider wednesdays the best days ever, except for THIS wednesday i already had a feeling that it was going to be a suck day (more about that later), so when i woke up, even though i should have been filled with joy and happiness because it was wednesday, the best day ever, i was filled with doubt and self-loathing, because it was wednesday, the worst day ever.
YOU HEARD ME
wednesday. a bad day.
i didnt even think that was possible.
anyway the suckiness continued because for the first three periods of the day i couldnt think about anything apart from how much i dislike alice from australia's next top model on account of the fact that she is a giant giant mole.
anyway, after that, we had ancient, which i thought may have had a chance of salvaging the day, but oh no, since miss mitchell was in some weird i-feel-like-torturing-jacki mood, and made me sit in some random assigned seat like 10,000km away from everyone else, and then proceeded to point out that i hadnt done yesterdays homework EVEN THOUGH I WAS AWAY YESTERDAY and therefore had no way of knowing that i even had ancient homework.
i mean come on.
anyway, after lunch (which wasnt even that good, thanks mum) i thought that maybe, maybe, maybe, since we had modern in 6th period, miss shanahan might feel it in her heart to realise my suffering and finally admit her undying love for me to cheer me up, but oh was i wrong, since not only did she laugh in my face after i explained how much of a sucky day i was having, but she then proceeded to laugh in my face about how she has the entirety of prison break season 2 on dvd, and how she COULD burn it for me and give it to me, but she wont, because, in her words...
emmy: it would be like some a currant affair program. "teacher gives student illegal drugs"
jacki: call me crazy but i dont think a dvd lies in the same area as illegal drugs
emmy: whatever. their pirated. thats so illegal
jacki: ive done too much illegal stuff to care at this point
emmy: they'd come after me!
jacki: i have like $1000 worth of pirated music on my computer and nobody's come after me yet!
emmy: whatever. end of discussion.
i mean how unfair is that!?
anyway, and i havent even got to the worst possible part of this wednesday yet.
yes. thats right.
it gets worse.
of course everybody knows that one of the best parts about wednesday is the fact that prison break AND heroes are on.
well guess what?
NEITHER ARE ON TONIGHT
thats right. thanks alot channel 7, for moving heroes to thursday, and then NOT PUTTING PRISON BREAK ON AND NOT EVEN EXPLAINING WHY
so now i have to sit in a stupor and sulk over the fact that im watching some homosexual johnny depp movie instead of prison break starring wentworth miller, my future husband.
and also try to imagine ways to torture whoever decided to not put prison break on tonight.
so there you have it. pretty much an essay on why this day has sucked.
i can only hope that in the four hours i have left of tonight, something happens to at least salvage the day, so that i may retain my faith in the wonder, the beauty and the awesomeness of wednesdays.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
so i think roseville has this problem, because they havent yet realised that it is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE that i should have to endure getting back ALL OF MY EXAMS EXCEPT FOR ONE in the THREE DAYS directly following the actual exam period
do they not understand?
can they not fathom?
theyre exams
AND I SUCK AT EXAMS
i need time to bathe my exam-inflicted wounds, but ohhhh no, no, no, here at roseville, we dont give you time to heal, we just shove your failed exam down your throat and hope your parents dont sue us.
seriously
even miss mitchell, the woman who is infamous for handing back exams so late that she actually has to blow dust off the top to see what the exam was even about, managed to give me my sucky mark in ancient, which was, by the way, in 5th period on a friday, and really put a damper on the whole i-have-modern-next-and-i-havent-seen-miss-shanahan-for-like-10-years-and-i-cant-wait-t0-start-annoying-her-again thing
which sucked.
so i kind of lost my train of thought there but basically emmy rocks, exams suck, and as far as im concerned the next episode of prison break couldnt come fast enough
do they not understand?
can they not fathom?
theyre exams
AND I SUCK AT EXAMS
i need time to bathe my exam-inflicted wounds, but ohhhh no, no, no, here at roseville, we dont give you time to heal, we just shove your failed exam down your throat and hope your parents dont sue us.
seriously
even miss mitchell, the woman who is infamous for handing back exams so late that she actually has to blow dust off the top to see what the exam was even about, managed to give me my sucky mark in ancient, which was, by the way, in 5th period on a friday, and really put a damper on the whole i-have-modern-next-and-i-havent-seen-miss-shanahan-for-like-10-years-and-i-cant-wait-t0-start-annoying-her-again thing
which sucked.
so i kind of lost my train of thought there but basically emmy rocks, exams suck, and as far as im concerned the next episode of prison break couldnt come fast enough
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
ohh prison break
that show makes me so very very very happy
*basks in the light of prison break*
ok
so apart from coming on to vent my love about prison break, which i can only do on my blog, and sometimes with emmy, except pretty much never with emmy because with her i run the risk of hearing things about prison break that i dont want to know, even though im pretty sure theyre not true, like the time she told me that lincoln died even though clearly, without lincoln there would be no story, because there would be no old man to make fun of.
what was i saying?
oh yes
so apart from coming on to vert my love about prison break, i also remembered that i forgot to say that ONCE AGAIN it has been proved that lane cove is THE ULTIMATE SUBURB
ok
ok
so
my mum needed to get a skirt for martins bangin 50th, so we went to lane cove since according to my mum its "the only place i can find normal clothes for old people like me"
...
that strange woman
..
anyway, so she was buying her skirt and i was standing next to her and noticed these pens on the counter, and since they were covered in sparkles and i have the attention span of a 6 year old boy, obviously there was a connection, and i started playing with them, and then the lady goes "you can take one of those"
what
wait
what
and dont think that i hadnt noticed the $10 price tag on those pens
yeah thats right baby. 10 bucks. and the lady gave it to me
to me
for FREE
so there you have it. lane cove is the ultimate suburb, and that lady is the ultimate lady.
that, and the fact that sarah and michael totally hooked up on prison break (during which i was picturing my head on sarahs body), has made this day, the most ultimate day in jacki history
at least until next wednesday
that show makes me so very very very happy
*basks in the light of prison break*
ok
so apart from coming on to vent my love about prison break, which i can only do on my blog, and sometimes with emmy, except pretty much never with emmy because with her i run the risk of hearing things about prison break that i dont want to know, even though im pretty sure theyre not true, like the time she told me that lincoln died even though clearly, without lincoln there would be no story, because there would be no old man to make fun of.
what was i saying?
oh yes
so apart from coming on to vert my love about prison break, i also remembered that i forgot to say that ONCE AGAIN it has been proved that lane cove is THE ULTIMATE SUBURB
ok
ok
so
my mum needed to get a skirt for martins bangin 50th, so we went to lane cove since according to my mum its "the only place i can find normal clothes for old people like me"
...
that strange woman
..
anyway, so she was buying her skirt and i was standing next to her and noticed these pens on the counter, and since they were covered in sparkles and i have the attention span of a 6 year old boy, obviously there was a connection, and i started playing with them, and then the lady goes "you can take one of those"
what
wait
what
and dont think that i hadnt noticed the $10 price tag on those pens
yeah thats right baby. 10 bucks. and the lady gave it to me
to me
for FREE
so there you have it. lane cove is the ultimate suburb, and that lady is the ultimate lady.
that, and the fact that sarah and michael totally hooked up on prison break (during which i was picturing my head on sarahs body), has made this day, the most ultimate day in jacki history
at least until next wednesday
the best day ever
ok so today
is
the best day
ever
first of all, i have no more exams, which means that for at least the next 60 seconds i can relax not having to think about any major works or assessments or the trials or that modern source analysis oral which i have no idea about but am pretty sure im going to fail.
so that was pretty much awesome.
anyway the day started out well because its wednesday and everyone knows that wednesdays are my absolute favourite days on account of the fact that they are the most awesome days ever, and then it got even better because despite the fact that i had to get up at like 630 to go to extension history, and we had to sit there in a panic when we discovered that t-watty was going to give our exams back, I DIDNT FAIL
what is this, you say?
jacki didnt fail extension history?
it must be some mistake!
but no my friends, it seems that t-watty has had some seizure in the middle of reading my essay and i guess he missed all the crap i put in there, so i passed!
weeeeeeee
as if that wasnt good enough, we had an excursion today to macquarie where i got to do two of my favourite things: hoard free stuff and annoy my sister.
anyway when we got back from the excursion it was only lunchtime but i got to go home because i had a double free after lunch (i told you wednesdays are awesome), and tonight heroes AND the most awesome episode of prison break (as if all the episodes arent awesome, expecially when wentworth miller is partially naked) is on and i am so excited i may die and last night Paloma got voted out from australia's next top model AND my mum bought cinnamon donuts and i got my eyebrows done and EVERYTHING IS JUST SO EXCELLENT I MAY DIE
yes
yes
so basically today has been so ultimately awesome that the goodness couldnt even be shrouded by the fact that we had to have some heinous injection today which im going to stop typing about RIGHT NOW because it ISNT awesome or cool or ultimate or super-duper and therefore CANNOT be included in my post about the best, most awesome, coolest, most super-duper, ultimat-est, best, best, most great, great, great, awesome, hunky-dory, its-all-that, bees-knees, the-bomb, wiggedy-wiggest, most freaking awesome day i have ever had
and its not even over yet
more after prison break (oh baby oh baby)
is
the best day
ever
first of all, i have no more exams, which means that for at least the next 60 seconds i can relax not having to think about any major works or assessments or the trials or that modern source analysis oral which i have no idea about but am pretty sure im going to fail.
so that was pretty much awesome.
anyway the day started out well because its wednesday and everyone knows that wednesdays are my absolute favourite days on account of the fact that they are the most awesome days ever, and then it got even better because despite the fact that i had to get up at like 630 to go to extension history, and we had to sit there in a panic when we discovered that t-watty was going to give our exams back, I DIDNT FAIL
what is this, you say?
jacki didnt fail extension history?
it must be some mistake!
but no my friends, it seems that t-watty has had some seizure in the middle of reading my essay and i guess he missed all the crap i put in there, so i passed!
weeeeeeee
as if that wasnt good enough, we had an excursion today to macquarie where i got to do two of my favourite things: hoard free stuff and annoy my sister.
anyway when we got back from the excursion it was only lunchtime but i got to go home because i had a double free after lunch (i told you wednesdays are awesome), and tonight heroes AND the most awesome episode of prison break (as if all the episodes arent awesome, expecially when wentworth miller is partially naked) is on and i am so excited i may die and last night Paloma got voted out from australia's next top model AND my mum bought cinnamon donuts and i got my eyebrows done and EVERYTHING IS JUST SO EXCELLENT I MAY DIE
yes
yes
so basically today has been so ultimately awesome that the goodness couldnt even be shrouded by the fact that we had to have some heinous injection today which im going to stop typing about RIGHT NOW because it ISNT awesome or cool or ultimate or super-duper and therefore CANNOT be included in my post about the best, most awesome, coolest, most super-duper, ultimat-est, best, best, most great, great, great, awesome, hunky-dory, its-all-that, bees-knees, the-bomb, wiggedy-wiggest, most freaking awesome day i have ever had
and its not even over yet
more after prison break (oh baby oh baby)
Sunday, May 13, 2007
one-legged pajama pant
ok so basically i woke up this morning and thought to myself, what the hell, why is one of my legs cold and the other not cold?
and so i took a chance and looked down, and low and behold, one of my pajama pant legs is gone.
like actually gone.
vanished.
vamoosed.
accio'd by harry potter.
i have no idea.
and since i was pretty sure i had 2 pajamas legs when i went to bed last night, i decided to investigate.
so after about 6 minutes of exploring my bed, i not only found the missing pajama leg, but also 3 pins, half a packet of strawberry bubblegum, a yellow pencil, my ipod sock, and something which looked supiciously like the bottom of a stiletto heel.
...
what the
anyway where was i?
oh yes. so anyway, eventually i came to the conclusion that i am such an intensely rough sleeper that the small-ish rip that i had in my pajama pants must have ripped so much during the night because of my tossing and turning that the entire leg got torn off.
either that, or i was mauled by a she-bear in the middle of the night.
...
which, knowing my luck, is probably actually what went down
and so i took a chance and looked down, and low and behold, one of my pajama pant legs is gone.
like actually gone.
vanished.
vamoosed.
accio'd by harry potter.
i have no idea.
and since i was pretty sure i had 2 pajamas legs when i went to bed last night, i decided to investigate.
so after about 6 minutes of exploring my bed, i not only found the missing pajama leg, but also 3 pins, half a packet of strawberry bubblegum, a yellow pencil, my ipod sock, and something which looked supiciously like the bottom of a stiletto heel.
...
what the
anyway where was i?
oh yes. so anyway, eventually i came to the conclusion that i am such an intensely rough sleeper that the small-ish rip that i had in my pajama pants must have ripped so much during the night because of my tossing and turning that the entire leg got torn off.
either that, or i was mauled by a she-bear in the middle of the night.
...
which, knowing my luck, is probably actually what went down
Friday, May 11, 2007
Shower Thoughts# 21
ok i changed my mind
..
the most annoying thing in the world is not the fact that while most people had only 1 exam left, i had 4, or the fact that Wentworth Miller hasnt proposed to me yet.
Its that feeling when you hop out of the shower feeling petal smooth and daisy fresh, and then you realise you missed a huge patch on the back of your calf when you were shaving your legs.
..
the most annoying thing in the world is not the fact that while most people had only 1 exam left, i had 4, or the fact that Wentworth Miller hasnt proposed to me yet.
Its that feeling when you hop out of the shower feeling petal smooth and daisy fresh, and then you realise you missed a huge patch on the back of your calf when you were shaving your legs.
Ode to RSI/Severe Tendonitis
for bethy!
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and bite us?
You attacked poor Bethy's hand
Wont you go back to RSI land?
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and smite us?
You attacked poor Bethy's arm
It was worse than Ferrari Farm (major vandy in-joke)
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and fight us?
You attacked poor Bethy's fingers
The smell of you, it always lingers
Oh RSI/Severe Tendonitis
Why'd you have to come and light us? (on fire)
Get away from Bethy now
Or you'll get mauled by a she-cow
(ok that last verse was kind of sucky but give me a break, finding things that rhyme with tendonitis? not that easy my friends. not that easy)
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
i fail!
you know whats really sad is that while, today, after our dt/art exam, most people were running around screaming "just one more exam to go! one more! one more!" and then probably happily planning out their four day weekend in their mind, i was huddled in the corner eating my own hair over the fact that i have not one exam left, not two left, but four.
four.
four.
oh, whats that you said? two? three?
NO.
FOUR.
and its not as if theyre the bludgy exams (which arent really 'bludgy' exams, i just like to call them that so i feel better about not studying for them).
oh no.
lets check out the line up:
four.
four.
oh, whats that you said? two? three?
NO.
FOUR.
and its not as if theyre the bludgy exams (which arent really 'bludgy' exams, i just like to call them that so i feel better about not studying for them).
oh no.
lets check out the line up:
- tomorrow: english extension creative writing...which i suppose would be bearable if i was actually talented in the area of creative writing, which i am not. or if i had bothered to look at the criteria they gave us, which i havent. or if i wasnt a total idiot. which i am
- friday: modern...honestly if i sat for three hundred and eleven years and read about nothing but modern and spoke about nothing but modern and thought about nothing but modern, i would probably still fail dismally.
- monday: history extension...let me put it this way: probably the only subject that i suck more at than modern.
- tuesday: english extension viva voce...which will probably be less of an actual viva voce, and more of 6 minutes of mrs fletcher and mrs betts tearing whats left of their hair (after teaching me for 2 years) out because of my utter lack of knowledge about anything remotely connected to anything.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
so i came home to be a good girl and do some study for dt tomorrow, which im pretty sure im going to fail, but hey, its worth a shot, and i sat down to try and write something about some crap like the smart car which nobody gives a crap about so why are we even studying it, i have no idea, and then i found that i cant write anything because of 675,000 pages i had to write today in the english exam so pretty much english can suck my white ass.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Pussycat Dolls: the search for the next prostitute
can i just take this opportunity to point out how retarded that pussycat dolls reality series is.
first of all, the first person to get eliminated was eliminated because, according to the judges, she "danced too much like a whore", "was too sexy", and "looked like a stripper". In THAT SAME EPISODE, those SAME JUDGES locked each of the contestants into a confined glass box, and made them dance in burlesque lingerie in front of a whole restaurant full of people.
then, in the most recent episode, contestants wore what amounted to little more than a pair of fishnet stockings and lacey nipple warmers, and pole danced to "hey big spender".
second of all, the contestants are being judged on their ability to sing and dance. Now im no big music producer, but doesnt it seem a little unfair to judge the next pussycat doll on abilities that the current pussycat dolls dont actually possess? Can the pussycat dolls sing? Can the pussycat dolls dance? No. no they cant. they just stand in a row, dirty dance in lingerie and occasionally murmur something like "five dollars an hour".
but yes. yes. i do watch it every week.
shut up! if i didnt, you wouldnt be able to read about how sucky it is.
first of all, the first person to get eliminated was eliminated because, according to the judges, she "danced too much like a whore", "was too sexy", and "looked like a stripper". In THAT SAME EPISODE, those SAME JUDGES locked each of the contestants into a confined glass box, and made them dance in burlesque lingerie in front of a whole restaurant full of people.
then, in the most recent episode, contestants wore what amounted to little more than a pair of fishnet stockings and lacey nipple warmers, and pole danced to "hey big spender".
second of all, the contestants are being judged on their ability to sing and dance. Now im no big music producer, but doesnt it seem a little unfair to judge the next pussycat doll on abilities that the current pussycat dolls dont actually possess? Can the pussycat dolls sing? Can the pussycat dolls dance? No. no they cant. they just stand in a row, dirty dance in lingerie and occasionally murmur something like "five dollars an hour".
but yes. yes. i do watch it every week.
shut up! if i didnt, you wouldnt be able to read about how sucky it is.
the mystical 5 cents
so this afternoon me krobby and julia julia decided to go for afternoon tea at the forum, which was a great idea until we actually got there and realised we had practically no money between all of us.
luckily jess was the one who drove us there, and since she loves paying for me, she gave us her spare cash. combined with whatever we could find in the bottoms of our pockets, we managed to scrounge $2.43 each, which we used to buy some chips from oporto and drinks from coles.
so me and kiera were in charge of getting the chips, and julia was in charge of getting the drinks.
let me just say at this point how much oporto sucks. large chips? I THINK NOT! there was barely enough for a newborn child to chow down on, let alone three roseville girls.
anyway after sitting and whinging about the lack of chips for about 10 minutes we decided to try and spend our change on some sort of 'dessert'.
we ended up back in coles, walking up and down the aisles, where one of us would point out something that we could share, then the other two would proceed to insult that person for their choice.
you know something i learned this afternoon is that its pretty hard to choose something to buy when you dont even know how much money you have. let me explain.
when we first walked into coles, we had counted $1.20 in change, and were making our choice accordingly, when kiera realised that 5 cents had gone missing, and we only had $1.15.
so then we spent another 10 minutes choosing something else, only to realise that no, we did have $1.20.
then, on the way to the checkout, kiera decided that it was possible that she had miscounted, and suggested that we stop and count again. No, now we only had $1.15.
Then kiera had to go, so me and julia went to pick out what we wanted, during which we counted our money again (just incase), and low and behold, there it was, $1.20. We headed to the checkout, and were about to happily enjoy our purchase when the checkout chick pointed out that we only had $1.15.
What?
How is this even possible!?
how? how!?
its like the universes way of mocking the fact that i will probably end up in prison within 12 minutes of leaving school and going into the real world because i have no idea about taxes/bank statements/working in general.
whatever man.
luckily jess was the one who drove us there, and since she loves paying for me, she gave us her spare cash. combined with whatever we could find in the bottoms of our pockets, we managed to scrounge $2.43 each, which we used to buy some chips from oporto and drinks from coles.
so me and kiera were in charge of getting the chips, and julia was in charge of getting the drinks.
let me just say at this point how much oporto sucks. large chips? I THINK NOT! there was barely enough for a newborn child to chow down on, let alone three roseville girls.
anyway after sitting and whinging about the lack of chips for about 10 minutes we decided to try and spend our change on some sort of 'dessert'.
we ended up back in coles, walking up and down the aisles, where one of us would point out something that we could share, then the other two would proceed to insult that person for their choice.
you know something i learned this afternoon is that its pretty hard to choose something to buy when you dont even know how much money you have. let me explain.
when we first walked into coles, we had counted $1.20 in change, and were making our choice accordingly, when kiera realised that 5 cents had gone missing, and we only had $1.15.
so then we spent another 10 minutes choosing something else, only to realise that no, we did have $1.20.
then, on the way to the checkout, kiera decided that it was possible that she had miscounted, and suggested that we stop and count again. No, now we only had $1.15.
Then kiera had to go, so me and julia went to pick out what we wanted, during which we counted our money again (just incase), and low and behold, there it was, $1.20. We headed to the checkout, and were about to happily enjoy our purchase when the checkout chick pointed out that we only had $1.15.
What?
How is this even possible!?
how? how!?
its like the universes way of mocking the fact that i will probably end up in prison within 12 minutes of leaving school and going into the real world because i have no idea about taxes/bank statements/working in general.
whatever man.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
top ten
inspired by Vandy's conversation today at recess, I give you...
Jacki's list of top ten...pre-teen fashion disasters
10. Jelly Sandals
9. Flared Glitter Jeans
8. Frilly Socks
7. Pedal Pushers
6. The One-Shoulder Top
5. Tops with real flowers on them
4. "Peasant" clothing
3. Anything snakeskin
2. One word - Midriff
and the number one fashion mistake of our pre-teen years
1. Those velvet pants that Lauren's mum made her. (Thats Lauren Smith, of 12 T 6. Berowra pride)
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
why catherine trew should go die in a hole
ok so the reason i was falling asleep for pretty much all of today is because last night my darling sister decided to ignore me for pretty much the whole evening, and then start paying attention to me just as i was going to bed (which was nice and early by the way, so that i could be petal fresh for extension history the next morning).
so it was about 11, and i was climbing into my warm inviting bed and had just settled down to continue the couragous adventures of harry potter when this thing jumps onto me and the following conversation ensued:
jacki: what the hell?
catherine: im bored. lets talk.
jacki: no, i have extension history tomorrow and im already failing dismally
catherine: ew extension history, ew, why do you even do that
jacki: im going to sleep now
catherine: no! wait! five minutes, please?
jacki: five minutes. thats it.
(five minutes later)
jacki: ok thats it, get out.
catherine: no!
jacki: come on catherine.
catherine: no!
jacki: get out of my bed or i'll rip your face off
catherine: just five more minutes, please?
jacki: ok five minutes, then im putting my foot down.
(thirty-five minutes later)
catherine: so whatever happened to putting your foot down?
jacki: shut up
(twenty minutes later)
jacki: (sitting up) ok catherine, time to go.
catherine: never! (pushing me back down)
jacki: ow!
catherine: how could that possibly have hurt?
jacki: I hit my head on harry potter!
catherine: what the hell are you doing reading harry potter
jacki: shut up, he's the coolest!
catherine: whatever
..anyway the harry-potter-is-cool-no-he-isnt-um-yes-he-is conversation eventually led to the why-is-that-girl-who-plays-hermione-such-a-bad-actor conversation, which led to the when-will-sarah-and-michael-hook-up-on-prison-break conversation, which led to the oh-mi-gosh-its-only-tuesday-night-and-im-already-dead conversation, which led to the what-the-hell-are-you-still-doing-in-my-bedroom conversation, and by the time i fell asleep it was time to wake up and go to history extension.
and that is why my sister is now decomposing under our house.
so it was about 11, and i was climbing into my warm inviting bed and had just settled down to continue the couragous adventures of harry potter when this thing jumps onto me and the following conversation ensued:
jacki: what the hell?
catherine: im bored. lets talk.
jacki: no, i have extension history tomorrow and im already failing dismally
catherine: ew extension history, ew, why do you even do that
jacki: im going to sleep now
catherine: no! wait! five minutes, please?
jacki: five minutes. thats it.
(five minutes later)
jacki: ok thats it, get out.
catherine: no!
jacki: come on catherine.
catherine: no!
jacki: get out of my bed or i'll rip your face off
catherine: just five more minutes, please?
jacki: ok five minutes, then im putting my foot down.
(thirty-five minutes later)
catherine: so whatever happened to putting your foot down?
jacki: shut up
(twenty minutes later)
jacki: (sitting up) ok catherine, time to go.
catherine: never! (pushing me back down)
jacki: ow!
catherine: how could that possibly have hurt?
jacki: I hit my head on harry potter!
catherine: what the hell are you doing reading harry potter
jacki: shut up, he's the coolest!
catherine: whatever
..anyway the harry-potter-is-cool-no-he-isnt-um-yes-he-is conversation eventually led to the why-is-that-girl-who-plays-hermione-such-a-bad-actor conversation, which led to the when-will-sarah-and-michael-hook-up-on-prison-break conversation, which led to the oh-mi-gosh-its-only-tuesday-night-and-im-already-dead conversation, which led to the what-the-hell-are-you-still-doing-in-my-bedroom conversation, and by the time i fell asleep it was time to wake up and go to history extension.
and that is why my sister is now decomposing under our house.
Monday, April 30, 2007
the invisible man, ivan milat, and myself
so i just finished watching supernatural, and suprise suprise, i had no clue what was going on most of the time, probably because i kept leaving the tv to get food and whatnot.
I mean can you blame me? If im going to watch people get mauled to death by freakish chainsaw-weilding ghosts, im going to do it with some food dammit.
anyway.
the main reason i came to blog is because i totally forgot to blog about my dream last night.
pfft. dream.
more like NIGHTMARE.
wow.
that was so dramatic.
anyway, gather round children and i will tell you a tale.
So in my dream/nightmare, i was a girl (like i am in real life), and i was Kate from Lost. thats right. Does anyone even watch Lost anymore except me? Probably not. Oh well. Anyway, so I was Kate, and these two guys, also from Lost (Jack and Sawyer for anyone who is actually still following me here), were with me, and basically it was our job to find these freakish people who were hiding in this building that we were in, which was like a newpaper office or something, I dono, it was some big room filled with lifts and people and paper and computers and lots of talking talking talking.
Anyway we were working our way around the building, and eventually we discovered that there were three people that we had to do something to, and they were this man who could turn invisible (lets call him The Invisible Man), this lady who could split herself in two, so there were like two of her (lets call her Double Lady), and Ivan Milat (lets call him Ivan Milat). Anyway, I dont even know what we had to do, because I was just as clueless in this dream as i am in real life, possibly even more so, so basically i was just following Jack and Sawyer around and trying to distract myself from the fact that Ivan Milat had worked his way into my nightmares.
Anyway suddenly we were in this lift, and it was going down to the bottom level of St Leonards train station (which we were now in by the way. keep up), and The Invisible Man was in the lift with us, only nobody could see him, because he had turned himself invisible. But we could see him.
How did that work?
Anyway back to the dream, suddenly me and Jack and Sawyer had this piece of paper, I don't know what it was because I was only Kate and obviously Jack and Sawyer are much more capable of handling pieces of paper than me, but apparently The Invisible Man and Double Lady and Ivan Milat had to get it off us. So we got out of the lift and Jack and Sawyer are all "run!", and i was all like "i dont think i will", so for some weird reason i decided to lie down on the platform.
Anyway The Invisible Man grabbed me and threw me on the train tracks so that i was lying in the small space just between where the trains went, and Jack and Sawyer didnt even notice so they kept running (thanks guys), anyway and then a train started coming and i was like "dude this will probably hurt", and the train was about to run over me when i woke up.
so either i have a subconcious fear of trains or ivan milat is coming to get me.
but probably both.
the end!
I mean can you blame me? If im going to watch people get mauled to death by freakish chainsaw-weilding ghosts, im going to do it with some food dammit.
anyway.
the main reason i came to blog is because i totally forgot to blog about my dream last night.
pfft. dream.
more like NIGHTMARE.
wow.
that was so dramatic.
anyway, gather round children and i will tell you a tale.
So in my dream/nightmare, i was a girl (like i am in real life), and i was Kate from Lost. thats right. Does anyone even watch Lost anymore except me? Probably not. Oh well. Anyway, so I was Kate, and these two guys, also from Lost (Jack and Sawyer for anyone who is actually still following me here), were with me, and basically it was our job to find these freakish people who were hiding in this building that we were in, which was like a newpaper office or something, I dono, it was some big room filled with lifts and people and paper and computers and lots of talking talking talking.
Anyway we were working our way around the building, and eventually we discovered that there were three people that we had to do something to, and they were this man who could turn invisible (lets call him The Invisible Man), this lady who could split herself in two, so there were like two of her (lets call her Double Lady), and Ivan Milat (lets call him Ivan Milat). Anyway, I dont even know what we had to do, because I was just as clueless in this dream as i am in real life, possibly even more so, so basically i was just following Jack and Sawyer around and trying to distract myself from the fact that Ivan Milat had worked his way into my nightmares.
Anyway suddenly we were in this lift, and it was going down to the bottom level of St Leonards train station (which we were now in by the way. keep up), and The Invisible Man was in the lift with us, only nobody could see him, because he had turned himself invisible. But we could see him.
How did that work?
Anyway back to the dream, suddenly me and Jack and Sawyer had this piece of paper, I don't know what it was because I was only Kate and obviously Jack and Sawyer are much more capable of handling pieces of paper than me, but apparently The Invisible Man and Double Lady and Ivan Milat had to get it off us. So we got out of the lift and Jack and Sawyer are all "run!", and i was all like "i dont think i will", so for some weird reason i decided to lie down on the platform.
Anyway The Invisible Man grabbed me and threw me on the train tracks so that i was lying in the small space just between where the trains went, and Jack and Sawyer didnt even notice so they kept running (thanks guys), anyway and then a train started coming and i was like "dude this will probably hurt", and the train was about to run over me when i woke up.
so either i have a subconcious fear of trains or ivan milat is coming to get me.
but probably both.
the end!
wikipedia the worlds biggest suck
ok you know what?
i decided the most annoying thing in the world is when you spend your whole ancient lesson writing a wikipedia page about how you are pretty much the coolest person ever, and then you realise that you have no idea where it is or what the title is or how to edit it, and the only thing you do realise is that wikipedia is a giant gay gypsy and should just go die in a hole on the side of the road, even though it wasnt alive in the first place.
which is hardly the point.
maybe the guy who invented alice-bot can make a wikipedia-bot so i can bully it until it cries.
those robots are so annoying. stab.
stab stab.
one day im going to go on a roadtrip to where ever alice bot is and stab her. he. it.
and also the person who invented alice bot. ill stab them too. after they make the wikipedia-bot, which i am also going to stab.
ok so as i was writing this, my mum came in and read it over my shoulder and goes...
"are you alright?"
and im like yes.
and shes like.
"well, its just a bit weird isnt it?" (pointing to the screen).
fools. fools all.
and you know what else is the most annoying thing in the world is that i have this new computer with some Vista thing on it, so the internet layout is all different so i may as well be staring at a poo with a toothpick sticking out of it, because i have no clue how to do anything.
damn it Vista! you'll pay. with your body.
i decided the most annoying thing in the world is when you spend your whole ancient lesson writing a wikipedia page about how you are pretty much the coolest person ever, and then you realise that you have no idea where it is or what the title is or how to edit it, and the only thing you do realise is that wikipedia is a giant gay gypsy and should just go die in a hole on the side of the road, even though it wasnt alive in the first place.
which is hardly the point.
maybe the guy who invented alice-bot can make a wikipedia-bot so i can bully it until it cries.
those robots are so annoying. stab.
stab stab.
one day im going to go on a roadtrip to where ever alice bot is and stab her. he. it.
and also the person who invented alice bot. ill stab them too. after they make the wikipedia-bot, which i am also going to stab.
ok so as i was writing this, my mum came in and read it over my shoulder and goes...
"are you alright?"
and im like yes.
and shes like.
"well, its just a bit weird isnt it?" (pointing to the screen).
fools. fools all.
and you know what else is the most annoying thing in the world is that i have this new computer with some Vista thing on it, so the internet layout is all different so i may as well be staring at a poo with a toothpick sticking out of it, because i have no clue how to do anything.
damn it Vista! you'll pay. with your body.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Shower Thoughts #20
shut up avril lavigne
you know why? because you're a mole.
and also
that song girlfriend sucks hairy balls
hairy hairy balls.
in a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
coz i can, coz i can do it better
theres no other, so whens it gonna sink in
shes so stupid
what the hell were you thinking?
AVRIL LAVIGNE (or however you spell it)
you suck!
first of all,
why would any man dump his girlfriend for some girl who insults his relationship choices?
why?
why why why?
and second of all, YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED!!!
what reason do you have for runnning around and stealing the only men left for everyone else who isnt a giant mole? what reason avril? huh? huh? why so quiet peppy?
ugh
ive been harbouring this rage toward avril lavigne for a very long time.
you know why? because you're a mole.
and also
that song girlfriend sucks hairy balls
hairy hairy balls.
in a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
coz i can, coz i can do it better
theres no other, so whens it gonna sink in
shes so stupid
what the hell were you thinking?
AVRIL LAVIGNE (or however you spell it)
you suck!
first of all,
why would any man dump his girlfriend for some girl who insults his relationship choices?
why?
why why why?
and second of all, YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED!!!
what reason do you have for runnning around and stealing the only men left for everyone else who isnt a giant mole? what reason avril? huh? huh? why so quiet peppy?
ugh
ive been harbouring this rage toward avril lavigne for a very long time.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
anzac day
anzac day today, and in the true spirit of mateship, loyalty, courage and all that stuff, catherine and i had another argument which i thought i should tell you about
(standing at the lane cove anzac day service)
jacki: (whispering) Hey, who are the people that march in this parade?
catherine: Like the boy scouts?
jacki: No, i mean like, usually there are old people
catherine: Yeah, its the people that fought in the war
jacki: But havent they all died? It was like world war one
catherine: (laughing) World war two idiot!
jacki: (confused) No, anzac day is world war one
catherine: No it isnt (still laughs)
jacki: Yes it is, its about Gallipoli. You look like the biggest fool now.
catherine: Yeah...
jacki: Which was world war one! I think I would know! I've been trying to prevent my head from exploding because of it, for the last two weeks!
catherine: What?
jacki: Modern
catherine: No, Im saying that the world war two people are marching for the world war one people
jacki: What?
catherine: Because they're all dead!
jacki: I know! IM the one that said that!
catherine: No you didnt!
jacki: What?!
catherine: You suck!
jacki: Mum, is anzac day world war one or two?
mum: Well it celebrates both, but it started in world war one
jacki and catherine: HA!
jacki: What are you ha-ing at, I won!
catherine: No you didnt, I did!
jacki: No, I was saying that anzac day is originally world war one
catherine: No, you were saying that all the world war one people were dead!
jacki: I thught you said I didnt say that!
catherine: Whatever. I was saying that the world war two people march for them
jacki: No you werent!! You were saying that anzac day started in world war two!!
catherine: Whatever. you lose.
jacki: No i dont!!
...
OHMIGOSH..
fool
(standing at the lane cove anzac day service)
jacki: (whispering) Hey, who are the people that march in this parade?
catherine: Like the boy scouts?
jacki: No, i mean like, usually there are old people
catherine: Yeah, its the people that fought in the war
jacki: But havent they all died? It was like world war one
catherine: (laughing) World war two idiot!
jacki: (confused) No, anzac day is world war one
catherine: No it isnt (still laughs)
jacki: Yes it is, its about Gallipoli. You look like the biggest fool now.
catherine: Yeah...
jacki: Which was world war one! I think I would know! I've been trying to prevent my head from exploding because of it, for the last two weeks!
catherine: What?
jacki: Modern
catherine: No, Im saying that the world war two people are marching for the world war one people
jacki: What?
catherine: Because they're all dead!
jacki: I know! IM the one that said that!
catherine: No you didnt!
jacki: What?!
catherine: You suck!
jacki: Mum, is anzac day world war one or two?
mum: Well it celebrates both, but it started in world war one
jacki and catherine: HA!
jacki: What are you ha-ing at, I won!
catherine: No you didnt, I did!
jacki: No, I was saying that anzac day is originally world war one
catherine: No, you were saying that all the world war one people were dead!
jacki: I thught you said I didnt say that!
catherine: Whatever. I was saying that the world war two people march for them
jacki: No you werent!! You were saying that anzac day started in world war two!!
catherine: Whatever. you lose.
jacki: No i dont!!
...
OHMIGOSH..
fool
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Ode to Gemma
Gemma is cool
She totally rules
She never drools
She goes to my school
Gemma is wack
No hair on her back
She likes a good snack
And gives a good dack
Gemma is hot
She doesnt smoke pot
Her blood doesnt clot
I love her alot
Gemma is fun
She bakes in the sun
She isnt a nun
Like steel is her bun
Gemma can dance
Dance in her pants
Listen to my rants
Marry a prince named Lance
Gemma is hot.
xoxo
annoyances
ok so today i woke at 12, refreshed and ready to get ready and catch the bus to school where we were planning on having a lovely afternoon of studying modern, so i could stop failing so terribly and actually begin to understand something in modern, a long shot i know, but hey, it was worth a shot
anyway id just gotten dressed and put on mascara and everything and i was actually having a good hair day, something which happens so infrequently that i cant remember the last time it happened since im pretty sure i was still in my mothers womb, and then the fone rings.
...
you heard me right
the fone
it rang.
so i frolicked downstairs in a fit of excitement about the fact that i was about to make the journey to school to do some modern (weird i know, but i find myself having cravings sometimes, i think its because our class is so sexy), answering the fone in my most ladylike voice, and low and behold, fund myself talking to miss shanahan, who explained that we would NOT be doing any modern today because she had synesitis and was forced to go home.
wait.
what?
(it took me a moment to get over the fact that SHE was actually calling ME. i always thought it would be the other way around, should i somehow, someday manage to get my hands on her phone number. i also always thought that beth and casey would be with me, and we would be putting on a male voice, and giggling uncontrollably.)
anyway
so yes
not only do i now know officially nothing about what i am supposed to know about for the modern exam, im also annoyed because i saw NOBODY today which means that NOBODY shared my good hair day, and i probably wont have another one for another 17 years.
death.
DEATH!
anyway id just gotten dressed and put on mascara and everything and i was actually having a good hair day, something which happens so infrequently that i cant remember the last time it happened since im pretty sure i was still in my mothers womb, and then the fone rings.
...
you heard me right
the fone
it rang.
so i frolicked downstairs in a fit of excitement about the fact that i was about to make the journey to school to do some modern (weird i know, but i find myself having cravings sometimes, i think its because our class is so sexy), answering the fone in my most ladylike voice, and low and behold, fund myself talking to miss shanahan, who explained that we would NOT be doing any modern today because she had synesitis and was forced to go home.
wait.
what?
(it took me a moment to get over the fact that SHE was actually calling ME. i always thought it would be the other way around, should i somehow, someday manage to get my hands on her phone number. i also always thought that beth and casey would be with me, and we would be putting on a male voice, and giggling uncontrollably.)
anyway
so yes
not only do i now know officially nothing about what i am supposed to know about for the modern exam, im also annoyed because i saw NOBODY today which means that NOBODY shared my good hair day, and i probably wont have another one for another 17 years.
death.
DEATH!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
so philosophical
just something ive been pondering for a while...
what is the opposite of bald?
and i know what you're thinking.
well you're wrong.
its not hairy
its NOT.
hairy alludes to the fact that you have hair all over your body, not just on your head. if someone has a full head of hair, you dont say to them "hey, your head is really hairy."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
and when someone doesnt have a really hairy body, like any normal person, you dont say to them "hey your body is really bald."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
so what is it? what is it? where did it come from?
i thought every word had to have an opposite! well there goes my faith in the english language! not that ive had any since the first time i failed an english assessment.
but still.
whatever.
...
...
hairful?
what is the opposite of bald?
and i know what you're thinking.
well you're wrong.
its not hairy
its NOT.
hairy alludes to the fact that you have hair all over your body, not just on your head. if someone has a full head of hair, you dont say to them "hey, your head is really hairy."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
and when someone doesnt have a really hairy body, like any normal person, you dont say to them "hey your body is really bald."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
so what is it? what is it? where did it come from?
i thought every word had to have an opposite! well there goes my faith in the english language! not that ive had any since the first time i failed an english assessment.
but still.
whatever.
...
...
hairful?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
why wholemeal bread sucks ass
umm
so today i had finished studying, being my studious self, so i went downstairs to get some lunch.
you heard me. lunch
so anyway i decided to have some toast. lovely toast. how delightful.
well actually NO it was not so delightful on account of the fact that as soon as i pushed the toaster-button-thingie down, i realised
GASP
no!
IT WAS WHOLEMEAL BREAD!!
how can this be? why would this be? my mum KNOWS i hate wholemeal bread, why would she possibly have any reason to buy wholemeal bread and tie the bag with the same blue tie as she does the white bread, and put it in the same place in the pantry she doesnt the white bread!!!
WHYYYYY
so anyway after i got over the initial shock of the fact that i almost consumed wholemeal bread, i found that lucky little me, there was still one piece of white bread left in the white bread bag in the pantry, so i could still have the wonderful wonderful whitebread-toast-ish lunch i had dreamed of.
so i took the piece of white bread and lovingly put it in the toaster, and was about to push down the toaster-button-thingie when i recieved another shock...
...
ok...
THERE WAS MOULD ALONG THE TOP OF THE BREAD
my piece of bread
MY PIECE OF BREAD
the ONLY PIECE OF WHITE BREAD LEFT IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND IT HAS MOULD ON IT AND THE ONLY THING THAT MAYBE EVEN COMES CLOSE TO DISGUSTING ME AS MUCH AS WHOLEMEAL BREAD IS MOULD.
what is this? some kind of sick joke? natures way of forcing me to be healthy? well it wont work i tell you! i have to stand strong! defend myself against salad and wholemeal and, gasp, dare i say it...low gi!
sigh.
so anyway i had to resort to eating some other crappy lunch which was so crappy that i cant even remember what it was.
and now i have to go to the shops because im still craving for white bread and if i dont have any in the next ten seconds i will probably die.
so there you have it.
death to wholemeal
so today i had finished studying, being my studious self, so i went downstairs to get some lunch.
you heard me. lunch
so anyway i decided to have some toast. lovely toast. how delightful.
well actually NO it was not so delightful on account of the fact that as soon as i pushed the toaster-button-thingie down, i realised
GASP
no!
IT WAS WHOLEMEAL BREAD!!
how can this be? why would this be? my mum KNOWS i hate wholemeal bread, why would she possibly have any reason to buy wholemeal bread and tie the bag with the same blue tie as she does the white bread, and put it in the same place in the pantry she doesnt the white bread!!!
WHYYYYY
so anyway after i got over the initial shock of the fact that i almost consumed wholemeal bread, i found that lucky little me, there was still one piece of white bread left in the white bread bag in the pantry, so i could still have the wonderful wonderful whitebread-toast-ish lunch i had dreamed of.
so i took the piece of white bread and lovingly put it in the toaster, and was about to push down the toaster-button-thingie when i recieved another shock...
...
ok...
THERE WAS MOULD ALONG THE TOP OF THE BREAD
my piece of bread
MY PIECE OF BREAD
the ONLY PIECE OF WHITE BREAD LEFT IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND IT HAS MOULD ON IT AND THE ONLY THING THAT MAYBE EVEN COMES CLOSE TO DISGUSTING ME AS MUCH AS WHOLEMEAL BREAD IS MOULD.
what is this? some kind of sick joke? natures way of forcing me to be healthy? well it wont work i tell you! i have to stand strong! defend myself against salad and wholemeal and, gasp, dare i say it...low gi!
sigh.
so anyway i had to resort to eating some other crappy lunch which was so crappy that i cant even remember what it was.
and now i have to go to the shops because im still craving for white bread and if i dont have any in the next ten seconds i will probably die.
so there you have it.
death to wholemeal
Sunday, April 15, 2007
old people
yet more proof that old people have pretty much no clue (no offense jimi)
the following conversation took place today in the car:
jacki: (commenting on the weather) Its so hot! Milk was a bad choice!
mum: What was a bad choice?
jacki: Milk
mum: ....What?
jacki: Milk. Milk was a bad choice.
mum: What does that mean?
jacki: Nothing, its just a joke from a movie.
mum: oh ok...So whats wrong with the milk?
jacki: Nothing mum, its just a joke.
mum: I dont understand
jacki: Mum! its just a joke from a movie! I was just commenting on the heat!
mum: Do i need to get more milk?
jacki: OH MY GOSH!
mum: Well, you said -
jacki: Ok just forget i said anything!
see? see what i mean??!!!
totally clueless.
the following conversation took place today in the car:
jacki: (commenting on the weather) Its so hot! Milk was a bad choice!
mum: What was a bad choice?
jacki: Milk
mum: ....What?
jacki: Milk. Milk was a bad choice.
mum: What does that mean?
jacki: Nothing, its just a joke from a movie.
mum: oh ok...So whats wrong with the milk?
jacki: Nothing mum, its just a joke.
mum: I dont understand
jacki: Mum! its just a joke from a movie! I was just commenting on the heat!
mum: Do i need to get more milk?
jacki: OH MY GOSH!
mum: Well, you said -
jacki: Ok just forget i said anything!
see? see what i mean??!!!
totally clueless.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
abe
so, this being the holidays and all, what i should have done today would probably involve lots of sun and shopping, laughter and fun, general good-times-being-had kind of thing, you know, except that because we're now in year 12 and actually have to start listening and learning in school (where did that come from?), i had to somehow figure out how to get in 6 hours of study as well as going to school from 10 til 3 to attend the 'dt day'.
ew
ew
ew
needless to say i barely made 2 hours of study, and spent the entire time at school weeping over the fact that i have to individually hand stitch three hundred and twenty five million beads onto my dress, at the same time as trying to figure out a way to stab myself in the heart with my needle just hard enough so that i never have to so much as look at another bead again, but not hard enough that i actually die.
the highlight of the day was probably my weekly perve on wentworth miller during prison break. I dont understand why people dont think that manly man beast of a manly man isnt hot. so his nose is a little crooked.
so what?
so is mine.
we'll match.
probably more disturbing is the fact that some people find the old old old man who plays his brother more hot.
more hot i tell you
the man catherine and i have nicknamed 'abe'.
abe.
abe.
as in old.
because you know, all old people are called abe.
i really dont see why they have to make hot hot hot wentworth miller the character with the whole body suit tattoo freakish thing, thus forcing him to wear long sleeved tops at all times, when ew ew ew abe is the one running around with his shirt half undone the whole time
THE WHOLE TIME
why why why would they do that to me?
and as if he wouldnt find that annoying. you're trying to run away from the police half naked, for crying out loud.
and also YOU'RE HURTING MY EYES.
...
im pretty sure he shaves his chest anyway, so i should just smack his bottom. or rather, get someone else to do it for me since touching anything that old and saggy would make me projectile vomit myself into another universe.
well i hope youve all enjoyed another rant about pretty much nothing, just me, and my pointless arguments and observations that never get anyone anywhere.
why are you reading this! go study!
ew
ew
ew
needless to say i barely made 2 hours of study, and spent the entire time at school weeping over the fact that i have to individually hand stitch three hundred and twenty five million beads onto my dress, at the same time as trying to figure out a way to stab myself in the heart with my needle just hard enough so that i never have to so much as look at another bead again, but not hard enough that i actually die.
the highlight of the day was probably my weekly perve on wentworth miller during prison break. I dont understand why people dont think that manly man beast of a manly man isnt hot. so his nose is a little crooked.
so what?
so is mine.
we'll match.
probably more disturbing is the fact that some people find the old old old man who plays his brother more hot.
more hot i tell you
the man catherine and i have nicknamed 'abe'.
abe.
abe.
as in old.
because you know, all old people are called abe.
i really dont see why they have to make hot hot hot wentworth miller the character with the whole body suit tattoo freakish thing, thus forcing him to wear long sleeved tops at all times, when ew ew ew abe is the one running around with his shirt half undone the whole time
THE WHOLE TIME
why why why would they do that to me?
and as if he wouldnt find that annoying. you're trying to run away from the police half naked, for crying out loud.
and also YOU'RE HURTING MY EYES.
...
im pretty sure he shaves his chest anyway, so i should just smack his bottom. or rather, get someone else to do it for me since touching anything that old and saggy would make me projectile vomit myself into another universe.
well i hope youve all enjoyed another rant about pretty much nothing, just me, and my pointless arguments and observations that never get anyone anywhere.
why are you reading this! go study!
Monday, April 02, 2007
shut up
so apparently i got home and saw on the news that there was a tsunami warning for most of today?
ok
wait
WHAT?
THERE WAS A TSUNAMI WARNING FOR MOST OF TODAY?
today
TODAY
FOR SYDNEY
TSUNAMI
WARNING
TODAY
SYDNEY
while we were at school
oh dont bother to tell the children. the future generations. the future leaders of this country. the future wifes of ewan mcgregor and hugh jackman.
future wife of ewan and hugh. whatever
so anyway i was so annoyed about that that i didnt even realise what i should actually be really annoyed about which is the fact that IT IS SO FREAKING HARD TO TYPE TSUNAMI.
which i just realised like 3 minutes ago when i was talking to gemma and telling her about the tsunami warning.
and which i confirmed 2 seconds ago when i tried to type 'tsunami warning' and it took me like 4 tries to get it right.
ok
WHO INVENTED THE WORD TSUNAMI?
because whoever it is, im going to smack your bottom so hard it will cause a tsa...a tsom...a sudfb...a tidal wave.
in sydney
and we will be notified WHEN THE WARNING IS ACTUALLY STILL IN PLACE.
and the teenage mutant ninja turtles will save us all.
and maybe that guy from 300 too. he seems kind of ripped.
in an old man kind of way.
whatever. whats really important is that jimi, if you're there, harness all that stalking energy you put towards me, and direct it all towards finding out who invented the word tsunami, and then bringing them to me so that i can slap them silly.
ok
wait
WHAT?
THERE WAS A TSUNAMI WARNING FOR MOST OF TODAY?
today
TODAY
FOR SYDNEY
TSUNAMI
WARNING
TODAY
SYDNEY
while we were at school
oh dont bother to tell the children. the future generations. the future leaders of this country. the future wifes of ewan mcgregor and hugh jackman.
future wife of ewan and hugh. whatever
so anyway i was so annoyed about that that i didnt even realise what i should actually be really annoyed about which is the fact that IT IS SO FREAKING HARD TO TYPE TSUNAMI.
which i just realised like 3 minutes ago when i was talking to gemma and telling her about the tsunami warning.
and which i confirmed 2 seconds ago when i tried to type 'tsunami warning' and it took me like 4 tries to get it right.
ok
WHO INVENTED THE WORD TSUNAMI?
because whoever it is, im going to smack your bottom so hard it will cause a tsa...a tsom...a sudfb...a tidal wave.
in sydney
and we will be notified WHEN THE WARNING IS ACTUALLY STILL IN PLACE.
and the teenage mutant ninja turtles will save us all.
and maybe that guy from 300 too. he seems kind of ripped.
in an old man kind of way.
whatever. whats really important is that jimi, if you're there, harness all that stalking energy you put towards me, and direct it all towards finding out who invented the word tsunami, and then bringing them to me so that i can slap them silly.
Friday, March 30, 2007
notes on a Dame
So anyway, we just got back from seeing Notes on a scandel with me juju sair and laurenzo, and I have to say, even though I did have my doubts, it was pretty good.
First the previews, which are always good (says Lauren). I mean what other time do you get to suss out the other movies, and divide them into which ones you’ll see excitedly, which ones you’ll see grudgingly, and which ones you will just continually mock for the rest of your life.
And then the movie. Probably the best moments were
a) laughing with Julia at all the old people around us who were laughing at the lame grown-up jokes
b) laughing at myself after coming to the sad realisation that I was seeing a movie popular with really old people
And Judi Dench. I mean who doesn’t love a good Judi Dench movie? if theres anyone out there, I don’t know about them. And if I did, then you wouldn’t, because I would have already slapped them to death.
So anyway the movie pretty much confirmed my suspicions that Judi Dench and Mrs Fletcher are the same person. So first I decided that im going to give Mrs Fletcher the nickname ‘Dame’, and then I decided that I’ll never be able to look at Dame the same way again, on account of the fact that when she was transformed into her alter ego, Judi Dench, she was playing this freak-o character who like stalks people until they end up in jail.
So pretty much the next time Dame transforms into her alter ago, she is coming after one of us. Not me.
Ill already be dead since she’ll probably organise my assassination as soon as she catches wind that im calling her Dame.
Yeah.
Assassination.
She can do that you know.
She’s Judi Dench.
First the previews, which are always good (says Lauren). I mean what other time do you get to suss out the other movies, and divide them into which ones you’ll see excitedly, which ones you’ll see grudgingly, and which ones you will just continually mock for the rest of your life.
And then the movie. Probably the best moments were
a) laughing with Julia at all the old people around us who were laughing at the lame grown-up jokes
b) laughing at myself after coming to the sad realisation that I was seeing a movie popular with really old people
And Judi Dench. I mean who doesn’t love a good Judi Dench movie? if theres anyone out there, I don’t know about them. And if I did, then you wouldn’t, because I would have already slapped them to death.
So anyway the movie pretty much confirmed my suspicions that Judi Dench and Mrs Fletcher are the same person. So first I decided that im going to give Mrs Fletcher the nickname ‘Dame’, and then I decided that I’ll never be able to look at Dame the same way again, on account of the fact that when she was transformed into her alter ego, Judi Dench, she was playing this freak-o character who like stalks people until they end up in jail.
So pretty much the next time Dame transforms into her alter ago, she is coming after one of us. Not me.
Ill already be dead since she’ll probably organise my assassination as soon as she catches wind that im calling her Dame.
Yeah.
Assassination.
She can do that you know.
She’s Judi Dench.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
ok so i have this theory
and no, before you say anything, this isnt one of my normal theories that everyone makes fun of, like that theory i have that the end toilet in the year seven bathroom changes every time i go into it, or that theory i have that the voice over lady at the train station is Gretel Killeen, or that theory i have that Gollum lives in my roof space.
its real i tell you
ok
brace yourselves
the history staff...
is trying to kill me.
and i swear it. and not just the normal kind of trying to kill you, you know like the way teachers try to kill their students with homework and assessments and dirty looks.
they are actually coming after me.
like with a knife.
well maybe not a knife. yet.
so it goes like this..first i had a theory that...oh wait a second. just got to the keychange in this song im listening to.
dude
oh dude
that was freaking awesome
ok now where was i?
oh yeah
theyre trying to get me. like i dont know. one day you'll all get to school and i would have been bashed to death with postmodernist articles or something. im pretty sure they could just concentrate the rage that miss shanahan feels toward me and put it into a bottle, then throw it at me like a grenade.
and im not being paranoid either! you havent seen the way t-watty glares formidably in my direction. Oh sure its all fun and games when im making fun of him for bearing resemblance to P Diddy, but he'll get his own on me one day.
...
ironic that i do five units of history when the whole history department is trying to oust me.
and no, before you say anything, this isnt one of my normal theories that everyone makes fun of, like that theory i have that the end toilet in the year seven bathroom changes every time i go into it, or that theory i have that the voice over lady at the train station is Gretel Killeen, or that theory i have that Gollum lives in my roof space.
its real i tell you
ok
brace yourselves
the history staff...
is trying to kill me.
and i swear it. and not just the normal kind of trying to kill you, you know like the way teachers try to kill their students with homework and assessments and dirty looks.
they are actually coming after me.
like with a knife.
well maybe not a knife. yet.
so it goes like this..first i had a theory that...oh wait a second. just got to the keychange in this song im listening to.
dude
oh dude
that was freaking awesome
ok now where was i?
oh yeah
theyre trying to get me. like i dont know. one day you'll all get to school and i would have been bashed to death with postmodernist articles or something. im pretty sure they could just concentrate the rage that miss shanahan feels toward me and put it into a bottle, then throw it at me like a grenade.
and im not being paranoid either! you havent seen the way t-watty glares formidably in my direction. Oh sure its all fun and games when im making fun of him for bearing resemblance to P Diddy, but he'll get his own on me one day.
...
ironic that i do five units of history when the whole history department is trying to oust me.
Monday, March 26, 2007
jimi?
ok i am officially curious
jimi
who ARE you?
besides being the only person on the planet who could possibly be more stalkerish than me (ill take you on buddy), where did you come from??
its like one day, you just appeared, fully formed, from underneath a moist stone.
please
enlighten us
or at least me
i dont know if anyone else is high enough to read this crap
jimi
who ARE you?
besides being the only person on the planet who could possibly be more stalkerish than me (ill take you on buddy), where did you come from??
its like one day, you just appeared, fully formed, from underneath a moist stone.
please
enlighten us
or at least me
i dont know if anyone else is high enough to read this crap
Sunday, March 25, 2007
333rd post!!!
three hundred and thirty third post
lets make it a good one
so i woke up today with the intention of doing some work but ended up doing nothing all day but watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls, eating mint m'n'ms and imagining multiple ways of removing my cats head from her body after she practically shaved my skin off with her claws.
which, ironically, happened as i was trying to clip her nails for her, since, being the loving mother that i am, i didnt want her to develop some heinous hangnail or ingrown toe or whatever other feral diseases you can obtain for having claws that are too long and too dangerous and get used too often to rip jacki's bikinis to shreds.
sigh
so anyway, after i gave up trying to be loving towards my beast of a kitten, i travelled downstairs, where, low and behold, my dad is sitting under his desk trying to connect his new computer to the internet. without much success.
needless to say, he hasnt got any internet, and now our home phones arent working.
probably the highlight of the day was when i shaved my legs. that was pretty good. theres just nothing like the feeling of a freshly shaven leg. unless that leg belongs to a man.
shudder.
lets make it a good one
so i woke up today with the intention of doing some work but ended up doing nothing all day but watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls, eating mint m'n'ms and imagining multiple ways of removing my cats head from her body after she practically shaved my skin off with her claws.
which, ironically, happened as i was trying to clip her nails for her, since, being the loving mother that i am, i didnt want her to develop some heinous hangnail or ingrown toe or whatever other feral diseases you can obtain for having claws that are too long and too dangerous and get used too often to rip jacki's bikinis to shreds.
sigh
so anyway, after i gave up trying to be loving towards my beast of a kitten, i travelled downstairs, where, low and behold, my dad is sitting under his desk trying to connect his new computer to the internet. without much success.
needless to say, he hasnt got any internet, and now our home phones arent working.
probably the highlight of the day was when i shaved my legs. that was pretty good. theres just nothing like the feeling of a freshly shaven leg. unless that leg belongs to a man.
shudder.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Hollie - a dedication
ok hollie since you were so thoroughly dissapointed with my last post and how much i didnt talk about you in it, i present to you..
Hollie - A Dedication
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
with hair so blonde
my memories of you
are always so fond.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
with eyes so blue
your physical appearance
is nothing like poo.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
of tutor group six
we always go crazy
...
...
just for kicks.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
your wrongs equal zero
you never drink beer-o
you're always so cheer-o
Hollie Tinworth..my hero
exam timetable came out today
ew
do they have this thing, where they type all the requirements into the computer (like maths extension and english extension cannot be on at the same time, music 1 and ancient history cannot be on at the same time, modern history and general maths cannot be on at the same time etc etc), and then add onto the end "Jacki Trew must be thoroughly distrought with her exam timetable?"
i swear
i swear
like every timetable ive ever had in my entire existance has been horrible. horrible. terrible. a travesty to all timetables in existance everywhere.
if timetables were people, and people didnt exist because there was no such thing as people, there were just timetables, the Roseville College timetable would be the outcast of timetables. seriously. People would look at it and say, theyd say "why would we want to be friends with someone so heinous, someone so unjust, someone so blatantly unforgiving and concerned only with causing everyone around them pain".
Maybe im being a bit too dramatic about this
who am i kidding. theres nothing to be but dramatic about this!!
sigh.
ok
enough about timetables. or people. or timetables acting as people
pimetoples?
ew
do they have this thing, where they type all the requirements into the computer (like maths extension and english extension cannot be on at the same time, music 1 and ancient history cannot be on at the same time, modern history and general maths cannot be on at the same time etc etc), and then add onto the end "Jacki Trew must be thoroughly distrought with her exam timetable?"
i swear
i swear
like every timetable ive ever had in my entire existance has been horrible. horrible. terrible. a travesty to all timetables in existance everywhere.
if timetables were people, and people didnt exist because there was no such thing as people, there were just timetables, the Roseville College timetable would be the outcast of timetables. seriously. People would look at it and say, theyd say "why would we want to be friends with someone so heinous, someone so unjust, someone so blatantly unforgiving and concerned only with causing everyone around them pain".
Maybe im being a bit too dramatic about this
who am i kidding. theres nothing to be but dramatic about this!!
sigh.
ok
enough about timetables. or people. or timetables acting as people
pimetoples?
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
im back. and ive got back.
since you all seem to be suffering terribly from a lack of blog (or maybe i just want an excuse to rant madly at everyone in the world over the internet), here it is. a new blog.
hopefully to be followed by more new blogs, unless i stab my computer to death as a result of the stress of modern/ancient/maths assessments, a dt major work, arab-israeli conflict summary sheets, or simply the fact that blogger has changed all around and it took me like four hours to figure out just how to write a freaking post.
ok. enough rant.
what am i talking about. theres never enough rant.
anyway to catch up, im pretty much writing this just for ellen and hollie (there you go hollie, i mentioned you on my blog, clearly this means i love you and will probably end up writing a sonnet about you in my old age) so i can publicly declare how awesome Batman is.
Batman. oh Batman.
Batman, aka Mrs Collins, is truly awesome. My hero. We had weekly high-fives, which rapidly became daily high-fives because i just couldnt get enough of her. She gestures wildly and laughs at my lame jokes and tells me and ellen to "stop doing nothing in dt!!" and im pretty sure she'll end up killing me out of frustration one of these days. She and Miss Mitchell ("mitch") together are such a wonderful wonderful combination that they almost make up for the fact that miss shanahan hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.
except im pretty sure she only pretends to hate me because shes so jealous that there are other teachers who want to be the first ones to have a student (namely me), recieve a silver merit award composed of merits only from them.
well. rant pretty much over. i guess ill be back soon for more rant, probably about something insane, inappropriate and time-wasting like merits or home and away or that whole "why-do-so-many-people-love-george-clooney-i-simply-dont-understand-it" thing.
until then!!
hopefully to be followed by more new blogs, unless i stab my computer to death as a result of the stress of modern/ancient/maths assessments, a dt major work, arab-israeli conflict summary sheets, or simply the fact that blogger has changed all around and it took me like four hours to figure out just how to write a freaking post.
ok. enough rant.
what am i talking about. theres never enough rant.
anyway to catch up, im pretty much writing this just for ellen and hollie (there you go hollie, i mentioned you on my blog, clearly this means i love you and will probably end up writing a sonnet about you in my old age) so i can publicly declare how awesome Batman is.
Batman. oh Batman.
Batman, aka Mrs Collins, is truly awesome. My hero. We had weekly high-fives, which rapidly became daily high-fives because i just couldnt get enough of her. She gestures wildly and laughs at my lame jokes and tells me and ellen to "stop doing nothing in dt!!" and im pretty sure she'll end up killing me out of frustration one of these days. She and Miss Mitchell ("mitch") together are such a wonderful wonderful combination that they almost make up for the fact that miss shanahan hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.
except im pretty sure she only pretends to hate me because shes so jealous that there are other teachers who want to be the first ones to have a student (namely me), recieve a silver merit award composed of merits only from them.
well. rant pretty much over. i guess ill be back soon for more rant, probably about something insane, inappropriate and time-wasting like merits or home and away or that whole "why-do-so-many-people-love-george-clooney-i-simply-dont-understand-it" thing.
until then!!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
back get off the rack
so ohmigosh today me and julia got back from
lord howe which was p0ssibly the best holiday of my life on account of the fact that me and julia met eric bana because he was staying in the same hotel as us, and his kids like loved us (klaus and sophia, we love you too), so we hung out with him for like a week and it was the coolest moment of my life
also he wore a red speedo and bent over in front of me and his ass was like a cm away from my face
i died
more later
jack xx
lord howe which was p0ssibly the best holiday of my life on account of the fact that me and julia met eric bana because he was staying in the same hotel as us, and his kids like loved us (klaus and sophia, we love you too), so we hung out with him for like a week and it was the coolest moment of my life
also he wore a red speedo and bent over in front of me and his ass was like a cm away from my face
i died
more later
jack xx
Sunday, January 07, 2007
valuable life lessons id rather not have learnt #1
just a tip:
dont sit on an open toilet seat with freshly moisturised thighs
dont sit on an open toilet seat with freshly moisturised thighs
hot day! hot day!
well finally it actually felt like summer today, after about a dillion years of us having to endure it technically being summer, but actually being like 2 degrees
which sucked hairy balls
it was a good day
despite the fact that i was woken up at about 630 this morning by the huge crashing noise coming from my computer as it fell to the floor out of my bed (sidecar: how did my computer get into my bed?)
anyway it was too early to figure that one out, so i waited until 12 before rolling out of bed and into the pool and spent the rest of my day doing what any normal person should spend the perfect summer day doing; getting sunburnt, eating and naming all our pool toys after various characters on Gilmore Girls.
oh yes
i love summer
which sucked hairy balls
it was a good day
despite the fact that i was woken up at about 630 this morning by the huge crashing noise coming from my computer as it fell to the floor out of my bed (sidecar: how did my computer get into my bed?)
anyway it was too early to figure that one out, so i waited until 12 before rolling out of bed and into the pool and spent the rest of my day doing what any normal person should spend the perfect summer day doing; getting sunburnt, eating and naming all our pool toys after various characters on Gilmore Girls.
oh yes
i love summer
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
catherine and i argue again
so just now i was talking to my crazy sister, and she tells me that last night she had a dream that the whole of sydney harbour froze, and people could go iceskating on the harbour, and she and her friends got a boat and put a blade-thingie on the bottom of the boat and went 'ice-sailing'
..
well obviously that was the most retarded thing i have ever heard in my life, because well, who ever heard of ice-sailing, i mean come on, shut up
because obviously when she said to me 'and me and my friends put a blade on the bottom of a boat and went ice-sailing', i invisioned this retarded looking boat with one giant blade in the middle on the bottom, and well of course everyone knows that would be retarded because if the boat stopped moving for like one second, then it would tip over to the side
so when i told my dear sister this, she replied that yes, maybe the boat would tip over, but its not as if it would completely turn upside down because it would get stopped by the ice
..as if there is nothing wrong with what she just said
so then i said, i said catherine, i said, so what if the boat tips over to the side, how the hell is it supposed to get moving again? and she said, well the wind would push it of course
and im like
what the hell
you would have to like, prop the boat up with a stick on one side, and also make sure it didnt fall over to the other side, and wait until there was a strong enough gust of wind to make it start moving again, and the odds of that actually happening, or it happening and then actually working, are like a dillion to one
anyway, then she proceeded to explain that when she said the boat had a blade on the bottom of it, she actually meant that it had two blades on the bottom so that the boat could balance on the ice
and the following argument ensued:
me: well if thats what you meant, why didnt you just say that there were two blades?
catherine: i thought that you would just assume
me: why would i assume, if you said 'there is a blade on the bottom of the boat'. a blade. one. singular
catherine: yeah, but its like iceskating. you dont have one blade, you have two blades
me: thats because you have two feet
catherine: yeah but you dont iceskate on one foot
me: some people do
catherine: no they dont!
me: yes they do!
catherine: no they dont!
me: anyway even if you have two feet, you still only have one blade on each foot
catherine: so what?
me: so, the boot is like the boat. and you only have one blade on each boot, so you should only have one blade on each boat. unless you have two boats, there is no way you could have two blades, so you would only ever need one blade because its not as if people sail with one foot on each boat, they just have one boat. if they had two boots, they would have two blades. and the boot is like the boat. so if you had two boats, you would have two blades. but you dont. you only have one boat. so you only have one blade
catherine: (pause) yeah, but people dont iceskate on one foot
me: ARGHHH
anyway i feel like my point came off fairly well, and once again, catherine lost
..
well obviously that was the most retarded thing i have ever heard in my life, because well, who ever heard of ice-sailing, i mean come on, shut up
because obviously when she said to me 'and me and my friends put a blade on the bottom of a boat and went ice-sailing', i invisioned this retarded looking boat with one giant blade in the middle on the bottom, and well of course everyone knows that would be retarded because if the boat stopped moving for like one second, then it would tip over to the side
so when i told my dear sister this, she replied that yes, maybe the boat would tip over, but its not as if it would completely turn upside down because it would get stopped by the ice
..as if there is nothing wrong with what she just said
so then i said, i said catherine, i said, so what if the boat tips over to the side, how the hell is it supposed to get moving again? and she said, well the wind would push it of course
and im like
what the hell
you would have to like, prop the boat up with a stick on one side, and also make sure it didnt fall over to the other side, and wait until there was a strong enough gust of wind to make it start moving again, and the odds of that actually happening, or it happening and then actually working, are like a dillion to one
anyway, then she proceeded to explain that when she said the boat had a blade on the bottom of it, she actually meant that it had two blades on the bottom so that the boat could balance on the ice
and the following argument ensued:
me: well if thats what you meant, why didnt you just say that there were two blades?
catherine: i thought that you would just assume
me: why would i assume, if you said 'there is a blade on the bottom of the boat'. a blade. one. singular
catherine: yeah, but its like iceskating. you dont have one blade, you have two blades
me: thats because you have two feet
catherine: yeah but you dont iceskate on one foot
me: some people do
catherine: no they dont!
me: yes they do!
catherine: no they dont!
me: anyway even if you have two feet, you still only have one blade on each foot
catherine: so what?
me: so, the boot is like the boat. and you only have one blade on each boot, so you should only have one blade on each boat. unless you have two boats, there is no way you could have two blades, so you would only ever need one blade because its not as if people sail with one foot on each boat, they just have one boat. if they had two boots, they would have two blades. and the boot is like the boat. so if you had two boats, you would have two blades. but you dont. you only have one boat. so you only have one blade
catherine: (pause) yeah, but people dont iceskate on one foot
me: ARGHHH
anyway i feel like my point came off fairly well, and once again, catherine lost
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
attacked AGAIN
so anyway, today i was putting up the christmas tree, which is pretty much the highlight of my year since i always do it by myself coz the rest of my family are such buttbags that theyre always 'out' or 'busy' when it comes to putting up the christmas tree (like i care, they would just get in my way and mess the whole thing up anyway)
anyway what was i saying?
oh yeah so i was putting up the christmas tree, and i had just put all the tinsel on and turned around to get the box of decorations, and what was on the lid of the box?
WHAT WAS ON THE LID OF THE BOX?
...
ONLY LIKE THE MOST GIANT SPIDER IN THE HISTORY OF SPIDERS THAT ARE GIANT AND TRY TO ATTACK ME AND SUCCEED!
so anyway of course i screamed and then did that shudder thing you do when you want to die because there is a giant spider in front of you, then i hid under the chair for a while
anyway then i realised that a) my sister usually fights my spider battles for me, and b) my sister wasnt home and c) i was going to have to face this spider on my own
which was pretty crappy
so i ran around the room for a while, and the spider, which is so creepy, i swear it was like watching me, since every time i would run away from it, it would turn so that it was still staring at me
i mean
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYTHING SO CREEPY?
NO!
anyway then i went to get the insect spray from under the sink, and i started spraying this giant attacking death machine (from a distance - you can never be too safe) and i swear, it like, started REARING at me
like you know how they put their two front legs in the air and go like this:
RRRRRRROOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR??????
well it started doing that!!
and i had to sit there and watch it, and scream, and then watch it again
and i swear it was the most terrifying moment of my life
so there
all be grateful that im still here, writing this post, and not dead because i got attacked by a giant spider which attacked me
yeah
thats right
anyway what was i saying?
oh yeah so i was putting up the christmas tree, and i had just put all the tinsel on and turned around to get the box of decorations, and what was on the lid of the box?
WHAT WAS ON THE LID OF THE BOX?
...
ONLY LIKE THE MOST GIANT SPIDER IN THE HISTORY OF SPIDERS THAT ARE GIANT AND TRY TO ATTACK ME AND SUCCEED!
so anyway of course i screamed and then did that shudder thing you do when you want to die because there is a giant spider in front of you, then i hid under the chair for a while
anyway then i realised that a) my sister usually fights my spider battles for me, and b) my sister wasnt home and c) i was going to have to face this spider on my own
which was pretty crappy
so i ran around the room for a while, and the spider, which is so creepy, i swear it was like watching me, since every time i would run away from it, it would turn so that it was still staring at me
i mean
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYTHING SO CREEPY?
NO!
anyway then i went to get the insect spray from under the sink, and i started spraying this giant attacking death machine (from a distance - you can never be too safe) and i swear, it like, started REARING at me
like you know how they put their two front legs in the air and go like this:
RRRRRRROOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR??????
well it started doing that!!
and i had to sit there and watch it, and scream, and then watch it again
and i swear it was the most terrifying moment of my life
so there
all be grateful that im still here, writing this post, and not dead because i got attacked by a giant spider which attacked me
yeah
thats right
Friday, December 08, 2006
blogging (for beth)
well since myspace is on hiatus i decided to come look at my own blog since im lame and like to read my own comments (dont judge me - im only human) and i noticed that someone else is having a blog-craving; beth, whose blogs i have also been craving, so this ones for you bethy, but you have to blog for me also, since i cant live on my own blogs all the time
well maybe i could, if i got some split-personality and each of my personalities wrote blogs and then they could read each others
and hey, you could write about it for your major work
but that would be totally weird
but also kind of awesome...
anyway, today was tres fun, we went to gemmas and watched movies, like the infamous wrong turn, which was a first for some of us (jo and mai - the wrong turn virgins), but then it turned out that there was a bit of wrong turn that we were all virginious to - this extra footage at the end of the credits which i dont know about you guys, but ive never seen it before, anyway it was totally freaky and the freakish-laughing-all-the-time mutant was like half burnt and running around with a knife and screaming, needless to say we were all on the floor screaming, laughing and crying at the same time, somebody probably pissed their panties a little, im not sure
also we figured out that the hippy guy in wrong turn is, wait for it
wait for it
ELTON FROM CLUELESS
ohmigosh is that weird or wat
anyway yeah that was pretty funny, also was stealing the remote off mai when she was desperately trying to catch a glimpse of buffy on tv which she "hadnt seen for, like, a whole year", even though the rest of us saw no point really, since buffy is pretty much horse shit on tv, for example, this episode was about posessed hyenas which posess other people with their magical posessive eyes
yeah
pretty much
so there beth, that was it just for you baby
so blog back!!
love jac xox
well maybe i could, if i got some split-personality and each of my personalities wrote blogs and then they could read each others
and hey, you could write about it for your major work
but that would be totally weird
but also kind of awesome...
anyway, today was tres fun, we went to gemmas and watched movies, like the infamous wrong turn, which was a first for some of us (jo and mai - the wrong turn virgins), but then it turned out that there was a bit of wrong turn that we were all virginious to - this extra footage at the end of the credits which i dont know about you guys, but ive never seen it before, anyway it was totally freaky and the freakish-laughing-all-the-time mutant was like half burnt and running around with a knife and screaming, needless to say we were all on the floor screaming, laughing and crying at the same time, somebody probably pissed their panties a little, im not sure
also we figured out that the hippy guy in wrong turn is, wait for it
wait for it
ELTON FROM CLUELESS
ohmigosh is that weird or wat
anyway yeah that was pretty funny, also was stealing the remote off mai when she was desperately trying to catch a glimpse of buffy on tv which she "hadnt seen for, like, a whole year", even though the rest of us saw no point really, since buffy is pretty much horse shit on tv, for example, this episode was about posessed hyenas which posess other people with their magical posessive eyes
yeah
pretty much
so there beth, that was it just for you baby
so blog back!!
love jac xox
Monday, November 27, 2006
so many thanks to ellen and jane for just making my day by showing me that feral feral picture of a cat feetus (however you spell it - im not a freaking scientist) with only one eye, truly, im living a better life due to that
not
im scarred for life
almost as scarred as i am by seeing that bit of Borat with the two naked guys wrestling with each other, and one of them is so fat that you cant even tell hes a guy, actually im pretty sure hes a woman
shes a woman
whatever
um also thanks to miss mitchell for also making my day by giving back my ancient assessment and then proceeding to tell me everything that i did wrong, especially in the opening paragraph of the third question, where my answer read (and i kid you not):
The Ramesside Period in Egypt began after the death of Ahken-Aten, which caused the cult of Aten to be abandoned. After this, features of Egypt which had been removed in the previous dynasty were restored, and the first pharaoh to rule over the new period in Egypt was (insert name here).
Yeah
so pretty much i suck
other than that my day was pretty average, and im now feeling like an absolute blob on account of the fact that i ate two dinners tonight, which im now regretting with the whole cat-feetus-with-one-eye-train-of-thought
now im ewwed out
not
im scarred for life
almost as scarred as i am by seeing that bit of Borat with the two naked guys wrestling with each other, and one of them is so fat that you cant even tell hes a guy, actually im pretty sure hes a woman
shes a woman
whatever
um also thanks to miss mitchell for also making my day by giving back my ancient assessment and then proceeding to tell me everything that i did wrong, especially in the opening paragraph of the third question, where my answer read (and i kid you not):
The Ramesside Period in Egypt began after the death of Ahken-Aten, which caused the cult of Aten to be abandoned. After this, features of Egypt which had been removed in the previous dynasty were restored, and the first pharaoh to rule over the new period in Egypt was (insert name here).
Yeah
so pretty much i suck
other than that my day was pretty average, and im now feeling like an absolute blob on account of the fact that i ate two dinners tonight, which im now regretting with the whole cat-feetus-with-one-eye-train-of-thought
now im ewwed out
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
oh vandy...we hardly knew yee
so today was the very momentous but of course sad day in which we had to sit on vandy for the very last time
because on monday we were supposedly moving into the commonroom (apparently this is no longer true, but today was so sad that im sure none of us could do it again. also we already ate all the food)
anyway the party started at recess and we covered vandy in balloons and streamers and posters and a banner that read "Farewell Vandy" then proceeded to eat our way through about 6kg of food and sing half the Celene Dion album in our best voices :)
also there was a cake shaped like a vagina, in true vandy style, because we know theres no point in having a cake unless everyone else on the planet is insulted by it
so after finishing off the vagina cake in record time (despite Emmy's insinuation that we would be "eating pussy") the party continued on into lunch, where we ate another few kilos of food, sang Kiss Me and some more Celene, took photos, threw food at each other, laughed at the year tens, reminised about times on Vandy, lay on the ground and prentended to vomit everywhere, chased Emmy halfway round the school (sidebar: she did come, but only for like one second = im heartbroken), went crazy and tore up all the posters and balloons
and then finally it was time for our last exit from Vandy, which Ellen, Gemmy, Beff and I had intended to do in style, slowly, while singing "my heart will go on", until our plan was interrupted by a wasp the size of a small cat and we were forced to run screaming towards the locker room
so there
that was it
the last vandy ever
oh vandy...we hardly knew yee
because on monday we were supposedly moving into the commonroom (apparently this is no longer true, but today was so sad that im sure none of us could do it again. also we already ate all the food)
anyway the party started at recess and we covered vandy in balloons and streamers and posters and a banner that read "Farewell Vandy" then proceeded to eat our way through about 6kg of food and sing half the Celene Dion album in our best voices :)
also there was a cake shaped like a vagina, in true vandy style, because we know theres no point in having a cake unless everyone else on the planet is insulted by it
so after finishing off the vagina cake in record time (despite Emmy's insinuation that we would be "eating pussy") the party continued on into lunch, where we ate another few kilos of food, sang Kiss Me and some more Celene, took photos, threw food at each other, laughed at the year tens, reminised about times on Vandy, lay on the ground and prentended to vomit everywhere, chased Emmy halfway round the school (sidebar: she did come, but only for like one second = im heartbroken), went crazy and tore up all the posters and balloons
and then finally it was time for our last exit from Vandy, which Ellen, Gemmy, Beff and I had intended to do in style, slowly, while singing "my heart will go on", until our plan was interrupted by a wasp the size of a small cat and we were forced to run screaming towards the locker room
so there
that was it
the last vandy ever
oh vandy...we hardly knew yee
Thursday, November 09, 2006
have i found my stalker?
so
had to walk home again this afternoon, which was the first time ive done so since the initial mauling of my leg because of my stalker, who we dont actually know the identity of
except that
we might maybe may know it now!
after that post i wrote about the stalker stalking me and causing me to maul my own leg, i got a comment from some guy named Jimi, who said that he randomly discovered my blog and now comes here and reads it every day
every day
no one reads my blog every day! even my alter-egos dont read my blog every day!
also, "Jimi" says that he thinks "im probably wrong about the stalker thing, but maybe not"
you know what this means dont you?
Jimi
is
my
stalker
and you know what else that means?
that means Jimi is probably reading this right now, and going either:
a) Finally she figured it out; or
b) I feel so violated
but still.
so
is this the end of the seemingly endless quest to find my stalker, or should the journey continue, until everyone in the world becomes so freaked out about me accusing them of stalking me that i retreat to that wood in Wrong Turn, or some equally isolated area?
had to walk home again this afternoon, which was the first time ive done so since the initial mauling of my leg because of my stalker, who we dont actually know the identity of
except that
we might maybe may know it now!
after that post i wrote about the stalker stalking me and causing me to maul my own leg, i got a comment from some guy named Jimi, who said that he randomly discovered my blog and now comes here and reads it every day
every day
no one reads my blog every day! even my alter-egos dont read my blog every day!
also, "Jimi" says that he thinks "im probably wrong about the stalker thing, but maybe not"
you know what this means dont you?
Jimi
is
my
stalker
and you know what else that means?
that means Jimi is probably reading this right now, and going either:
a) Finally she figured it out; or
b) I feel so violated
but still.
so
is this the end of the seemingly endless quest to find my stalker, or should the journey continue, until everyone in the world becomes so freaked out about me accusing them of stalking me that i retreat to that wood in Wrong Turn, or some equally isolated area?
Monday, November 06, 2006
stalker update
ok
so
um
just a little update on the whole someone-is-stalking-and-or-trying-to-kill-me thing, so when julia and i were on the train on friday morning, this freaky grey-haired, black trench coat and cowboy hat wearing man suddenly loomed into the carriage and started staring at us in this really weird way, like, i dont know, he was trying to memorise our faces so he could find and maul us later
anyway after that we got so scared (escpecially after he started mumbling to himself) so we got off at roseville (by the way, so did he - total stalker) and ran all the way to school so we wouldnt end up dead.
but thats not all
oh no
that afternoon as it were, i had to walk home (yes, again), and as i was walking past that freakish wooded area (you guys know what im talking about), i realised some man
yeah
a man
some man, in a leather coat
yeah
a leather coat
some man in a leather coat was walking behind me
but was he just walking behind me? probably not. definitely not.
no. he was totally following me.
anyway i did what any smart person would do, and i started running
unfortunately i also did what any not smart, totally uncoordinated and unfortunate person would do, and that was to fall off my shoe, trip over it, fly through the air, and end up with half of my leg all mauled
which im sure was of great entertainment to my stalker, mr leathercoat, my sister, who laughed at me when i got home, emmy, who gave me that look she always gives me as if to say 'how did i end up with such a weird stalker?' and pretty much everyone else on the planet
but actually, it actually hurt
so shut up
so
um
just a little update on the whole someone-is-stalking-and-or-trying-to-kill-me thing, so when julia and i were on the train on friday morning, this freaky grey-haired, black trench coat and cowboy hat wearing man suddenly loomed into the carriage and started staring at us in this really weird way, like, i dont know, he was trying to memorise our faces so he could find and maul us later
anyway after that we got so scared (escpecially after he started mumbling to himself) so we got off at roseville (by the way, so did he - total stalker) and ran all the way to school so we wouldnt end up dead.
but thats not all
oh no
that afternoon as it were, i had to walk home (yes, again), and as i was walking past that freakish wooded area (you guys know what im talking about), i realised some man
yeah
a man
some man, in a leather coat
yeah
a leather coat
some man in a leather coat was walking behind me
but was he just walking behind me? probably not. definitely not.
no. he was totally following me.
anyway i did what any smart person would do, and i started running
unfortunately i also did what any not smart, totally uncoordinated and unfortunate person would do, and that was to fall off my shoe, trip over it, fly through the air, and end up with half of my leg all mauled
which im sure was of great entertainment to my stalker, mr leathercoat, my sister, who laughed at me when i got home, emmy, who gave me that look she always gives me as if to say 'how did i end up with such a weird stalker?' and pretty much everyone else on the planet
but actually, it actually hurt
so shut up
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