(Catherine is lying in bed and im sitting on the floor in her room)
me: Ok, would you rather me flicking this lamp (points to the lamp on her bedside table) on and off and on and off while you try to sleep, or me sitting here for the whole night and every time the time changes i would say it like this (puts on a freaky voice that kind of sounds like Professor Snape) eleven fifty-two. eleven fifty-three. eleven fifty-four, and i would do it for the whole night?
(pause. catherine stares at me. i stare at catherine. we both burst out into hysterical laughter)
me: oh! I made myself crack up!
catherine: That is the stupidest question you have ever asked me.
me: just answer
catherine: ok, i guess id prefer....the light?
me: really? really? this wouldnt annoy you??? (turns the light on and off a few times and it makes a really loud noise)
catherine: yeah, thats annoying, but that voice you did really freaks the crap out of me
me: (trying to speak through the laughter) this is so going on my blog
catherine: is there anything that doesnt go on your blog?
me: ok did you know that there are probably poo particles on your toothbrush? definitely, actually
catherine: ok how did we get onto this subject?
me: (ignoring her) because the poo particles travel from the toilet and like latch themselves onto everything in the bathroom especially the toothbrushes
catherine: jacki -
me: and even if you kept the toothbrush in its original packaging, it would still have poo particles on it because the poo particles can penetrate the plastic!
catherine: jacki -
me: and if you've ever been in a public bathroom you probably have other peoples poo particles on you, like, right now!
catherine: jacki -
me: you know, i probably have a famous persons poo particles on me. like Eric Bana.
catherine: jacki...wait, why Eric Bana?
me: because we stayed at Lord Howe with him, and he probably farted some time during that trip. (Catherine looks disgusted). What, like you can get through the whole of dinner without farting once?!
catherine: you're disgusting
me: you know im right!
catherine: get out of my room
me: whatever.
so which would you guys rather?
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
for your reading pleasure
so i went for a walk today, and, idiot that i am, i decided to wear thongs.
not a big deal right?
well i didnt think so, until i accidentally walked through an ants nest.
anyway, try as i might to escape them, two or three latched onto my toes and started biting like crazy. and let me tell you, these were no ordinary ants, because no matter how hard i kicked, they just wouldnt come off!
So there i am, trying to walk, kicking out my legs to try and get the ants off and screaming because of the pain. and of course my sunglasses fell off and my ipod earphones came out of my ears and started flailing around my head and when i finally got the ants off my feet i turned and saw that i was standing next to Kingsford Smith Oval and the entire Lane Cove Over 45's Soccer team is pointing.
and laughing.
at me.
its a great day to be jacki trew.
not a big deal right?
well i didnt think so, until i accidentally walked through an ants nest.
anyway, try as i might to escape them, two or three latched onto my toes and started biting like crazy. and let me tell you, these were no ordinary ants, because no matter how hard i kicked, they just wouldnt come off!
So there i am, trying to walk, kicking out my legs to try and get the ants off and screaming because of the pain. and of course my sunglasses fell off and my ipod earphones came out of my ears and started flailing around my head and when i finally got the ants off my feet i turned and saw that i was standing next to Kingsford Smith Oval and the entire Lane Cove Over 45's Soccer team is pointing.
and laughing.
at me.
its a great day to be jacki trew.
what IS it with me and showers??
so along with spiders, history teachers, bus drivers, lolly-pop-men, magpies and my sister, i can now make yet another addition to the list of people or things who are trying to kill me.
showers.
yeah.
at first i thought, you know, maybe its just a one-off terrible shower experience.
but this morning i was proved wrong.
so there i was, innocently enjoying the hot water and the shower radio and the smell of my conditioner, and i decided to wash my face.
thats when things went bad.
so the conditioner was still in my hair and i was soaping up my face and SUDDENLY it happened. that thing that you guys hear about but never actually experience because, well, most peoples showers arent trying to kill them. whatever.
so suddenly the water changed from pleasantly hot to ice-cold.
so cold that the sides of the shower instantly froze, like that scene in The Day After Tomorrow, where the air changes temperature so quickly that the flag freezes into an ice-block?
yeah. exactly like that.
so basically i was trapped in this shower-slash-death-chamber, and im trying to turn the hot tap up and the cold tap down except theres soap in my eyes so i cant really see what im doing, and OH YEAH, remember that time the shower guy came to fix the shower, and while doing so, he switched the hot and cold taps so that when you turn the hot tap cold comes out and when you turn the cold tap hot comes out? so of course THAT factored into the whole situation (as you can imagine), and the water kept getting colder and the soap in my eyes was stinging and the shower radio was up so loud that nobody could hear my screams for help.
dude.
so finally i decided that even though i was wet and covered in soap and there was conditioner still in my hair, the only way to save myself was to get out of the shower. which i did, with great difficulty, and then proceeded to slide accross the wet bathroom floor, tangle myself up in the towels on the towel rack, and end up falling backwards into the spa.
which, as you can imagine, was really comfortable.
...
...
not.
anyway so there you have it. the proof that my shower is trying to kill me.
ill never be clean again.
showers.
yeah.
at first i thought, you know, maybe its just a one-off terrible shower experience.
but this morning i was proved wrong.
so there i was, innocently enjoying the hot water and the shower radio and the smell of my conditioner, and i decided to wash my face.
thats when things went bad.
so the conditioner was still in my hair and i was soaping up my face and SUDDENLY it happened. that thing that you guys hear about but never actually experience because, well, most peoples showers arent trying to kill them. whatever.
so suddenly the water changed from pleasantly hot to ice-cold.
so cold that the sides of the shower instantly froze, like that scene in The Day After Tomorrow, where the air changes temperature so quickly that the flag freezes into an ice-block?
yeah. exactly like that.
so basically i was trapped in this shower-slash-death-chamber, and im trying to turn the hot tap up and the cold tap down except theres soap in my eyes so i cant really see what im doing, and OH YEAH, remember that time the shower guy came to fix the shower, and while doing so, he switched the hot and cold taps so that when you turn the hot tap cold comes out and when you turn the cold tap hot comes out? so of course THAT factored into the whole situation (as you can imagine), and the water kept getting colder and the soap in my eyes was stinging and the shower radio was up so loud that nobody could hear my screams for help.
dude.
so finally i decided that even though i was wet and covered in soap and there was conditioner still in my hair, the only way to save myself was to get out of the shower. which i did, with great difficulty, and then proceeded to slide accross the wet bathroom floor, tangle myself up in the towels on the towel rack, and end up falling backwards into the spa.
which, as you can imagine, was really comfortable.
...
...
not.
anyway so there you have it. the proof that my shower is trying to kill me.
ill never be clean again.
Monday, March 31, 2008
...and then I saved 11 dollars!
so.
i went to the movies today with the lovely Mel Amon, and i gotta tell you, it may just have been..
...and let me prepare because i dont want to under-sell this...
it may just have been THE GREATEST AFTERNOON OF MY LIFE.
first of all, it was MEL.
and second of all, it was STEP-UP 2. which, you know, is the best kind of movie, on account of the fact that:
i went to the movies today with the lovely Mel Amon, and i gotta tell you, it may just have been..
...and let me prepare because i dont want to under-sell this...
it may just have been THE GREATEST AFTERNOON OF MY LIFE.
first of all, it was MEL.
and second of all, it was STEP-UP 2. which, you know, is the best kind of movie, on account of the fact that:
- its the kind you make fun of in front of all your super-cool friends but are secretly dying to see
- its a sequel
- theres dancing
- theres music
- theres a Channing Tatum cameo
and so much more.
whatever. thats not even the best part!
since it was 3 in the afternoon on a monday, we were THE ONLY people in the entire cinema. so of course, we took advantage of the lack of other audience members, and sat in La Premiere.
gasp! rebels!
whatever. i have to say, almost getting sent to prison (because you know, everyone who illegally sits in La Premiere goes to prison)? TOTALLY worth it.
i mean
those chairs are HUGE.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
The best thing about getting a haircut is...
watching the reactions of your family:
Mum: Wh...wow. Ok. Thats...thats going to take some getting used to.
Dad: How was your - WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sister: Hey. (pauses) Wanna watch Bones?
Mum: Wh...wow. Ok. Thats...thats going to take some getting used to.
Dad: How was your - WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sister: Hey. (pauses) Wanna watch Bones?
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
why i love my sister
scene: Chate and I are watching an episode of Bones, to be more specific, a scene where Booth and Brennan are walking through a graveyard
Chate: you know what really freaks me out about graveyards?
Jacki: what?
Chate: you're basically walking over heaps of dead bodies
Jacki: yeah I know
Chate: like in any graveyard..its just so..so..
Jacki: its totally creepy
Chate: ugh. I know
Jacki: but you know sometimes there isnt a body in the coffin
Chate: what?
Jacki: you know. Like if the victim was lost at sea, or cremated, and they just fill a coffin full of their stuff.
Chate: why would they do that?
Jacki: duh, its all symbolic
Chate: why would they use a coffin though?
Jacki: why wouldnt they?
Chate: because there isnt a body!
Jacki: so what are they supposed to use instead?
Chate: just a regular box
Jacki: what?! You cant just use a regular box!!
Chate: why not?
Jacki: because its...its..disrespectful!
Chate: and this conversation isnt??
Jacki: whatever. You have to use a coffin because its nicer. You cant just use a cardboard box!
Chate: I never said anything about a cardboard box
Jacki: well what kind of box did you mean?
Chate: a nice box
Jacki: also known as a coffin?
Chate: no! you could build a nice one
Jacki: why would you build one when you could just buy a coffin? Theyd end up looking the same anyway
Chate: not necessarily
Jacki: yes, yes they would! you'd just build a rectangular box, which is basically a coffin
Chate: you could make it a square
Jacki: but there wouldnt be enough room for all the persons stuff!
Chate: how much stuff do you need to put in there??!!
Jacki: i dono, however much you want to
Chate: anyway, even if you made it a rectangular box, it wouldnt be the same as a coffin, coffins have handles on the side
Jacki: not always
Chate: yes they do, because you need something to lower the coffin into the ground
Jacki: well you'd need something to lower the box full of stuff into the ground too!
Chate: can you shut up, I'm trying to watch this
(5 minutes of silence)
Jacki: so we both agree that I won that argument??
Chate: it doesnt really matter. You always win on your blog anyway.
Finally.
FINALLY.
she gets it
Chate: you know what really freaks me out about graveyards?
Jacki: what?
Chate: you're basically walking over heaps of dead bodies
Jacki: yeah I know
Chate: like in any graveyard..its just so..so..
Jacki: its totally creepy
Chate: ugh. I know
Jacki: but you know sometimes there isnt a body in the coffin
Chate: what?
Jacki: you know. Like if the victim was lost at sea, or cremated, and they just fill a coffin full of their stuff.
Chate: why would they do that?
Jacki: duh, its all symbolic
Chate: why would they use a coffin though?
Jacki: why wouldnt they?
Chate: because there isnt a body!
Jacki: so what are they supposed to use instead?
Chate: just a regular box
Jacki: what?! You cant just use a regular box!!
Chate: why not?
Jacki: because its...its..disrespectful!
Chate: and this conversation isnt??
Jacki: whatever. You have to use a coffin because its nicer. You cant just use a cardboard box!
Chate: I never said anything about a cardboard box
Jacki: well what kind of box did you mean?
Chate: a nice box
Jacki: also known as a coffin?
Chate: no! you could build a nice one
Jacki: why would you build one when you could just buy a coffin? Theyd end up looking the same anyway
Chate: not necessarily
Jacki: yes, yes they would! you'd just build a rectangular box, which is basically a coffin
Chate: you could make it a square
Jacki: but there wouldnt be enough room for all the persons stuff!
Chate: how much stuff do you need to put in there??!!
Jacki: i dono, however much you want to
Chate: anyway, even if you made it a rectangular box, it wouldnt be the same as a coffin, coffins have handles on the side
Jacki: not always
Chate: yes they do, because you need something to lower the coffin into the ground
Jacki: well you'd need something to lower the box full of stuff into the ground too!
Chate: can you shut up, I'm trying to watch this
(5 minutes of silence)
Jacki: so we both agree that I won that argument??
Chate: it doesnt really matter. You always win on your blog anyway.
Finally.
FINALLY.
she gets it
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
things you learn by watching the first seasons of Bones, Prison Break and Heroes within a 72 hour period
- Actors should really stick to one accent. Especially when they have a habbit of switching between Indian and British
- No matter how hard you try, your cat will not sit down and watch TV with you
- Heroes made alot more sense back in Season 1 when everyone was in the same time period
- Prison Break made alot more sense back in Season 1 when the only storylines that mattered was Lincoln escaping and Michael hooking up with Sara
- Bones never made sense (mostly due to the technical jargon)
- Subtitles are great for those times when you're eating cereal and you cant hear the TV over the sound of your own chewing
- Wentworth appears shirtless 9 times in 22 episodes
- Never be friends with someone who names themselves after a brand of clocks
- Opening credits are alot less fun when there arent any words to sing along to
- Dont try to invent your own lyrics for wordless-opening-credit-sequences. It only ends badly
- Heroes should only be watched while consuming large amounts of special K and Red Bull
and finally, the one thing you will learn by watching the first seasons of Bones, Prison Break and Heroes within a 72 hour period is that yes, yes everyone you know will think you are absolutely pathetic.
But its 100% worth it.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
dear tooth fairy
Yes, these were all written by me, between ages 5 and 9. My parents thought it would be funny to unearth them for my birthday. And yes, I did make all those spelling mistakes. Classic.
Dear Thooth Firay,
I've lost a tooth. And guss what? I thout that I swolled it.
That was the funny bit.
If you can't find it, it is on my desk. The story is on the back
of this card. And a butiful picher.
From Jacki.
P.S I got the tooth cup for my birthday.
The Story: I was finishing my dinner. And my sister Catherine
was being very noisy then I ate the last bit of my dinner and it
just fell into my bowl.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I'm sorry this is a bit messy but I was in a hurry for bedtime.
Anyway my tooth fell out so I put it in a glass of water for you.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost a tooth and I did it while I was watching TV.
I was very pleased.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I am sorry that this is a bit rushed but I had to go to bed.
Did you see The Nanny tonight? It was funny.
Good luck for getting here.
From Jacki
P.S I live in Australia
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I have lost a tooth. I shoed my daddy and he was proud
of me. I kept on licking it. At dinner time I dindted feel well.
So I lickit it and fellat better.
This is for you so I hope you like it. I know that I have riten
alot, so now I think I should stop.
I hope I like my present.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost my tooth today but it fell down the sink. Mum thinks
that yoo will be able to find it, will yoo? If yoo can thanks and
if yoo cant then, ummm..
Oh well, I suppose its gone.
From Jacki
Dear Thooth Firay,
I've lost a tooth. And guss what? I thout that I swolled it.
That was the funny bit.
If you can't find it, it is on my desk. The story is on the back
of this card. And a butiful picher.
From Jacki.
P.S I got the tooth cup for my birthday.
The Story: I was finishing my dinner. And my sister Catherine
was being very noisy then I ate the last bit of my dinner and it
just fell into my bowl.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I'm sorry this is a bit messy but I was in a hurry for bedtime.
Anyway my tooth fell out so I put it in a glass of water for you.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost a tooth and I did it while I was watching TV.
I was very pleased.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I am sorry that this is a bit rushed but I had to go to bed.
Did you see The Nanny tonight? It was funny.
Good luck for getting here.
From Jacki
P.S I live in Australia
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I have lost a tooth. I shoed my daddy and he was proud
of me. I kept on licking it. At dinner time I dindted feel well.
So I lickit it and fellat better.
This is for you so I hope you like it. I know that I have riten
alot, so now I think I should stop.
I hope I like my present.
From Jacki
Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost my tooth today but it fell down the sink. Mum thinks
that yoo will be able to find it, will yoo? If yoo can thanks and
if yoo cant then, ummm..
Oh well, I suppose its gone.
From Jacki
we have a winner
best
birthday
ever!
7am: wake up to the phone ringing: normally a totally heinous occurance except that a) its my daddy singing happy birthday and b) my ringtone is 'thriller'
8am: recieve phone call from my boss and her 6-year-old twins singing happy birthday, and then asking if id like the day off seeings as its my birthday. dies with happiness
830am: wide awake and unable to do anything about it, decide to totally indulge self for next few hours. Have pink bubble bath, followed by a marathon of favourite movies: dirty dancing and moulin rouge (which is even more enjoyable than usual, seeings as nobody is home to yell at me for talking along with the entire movie)
1130am: visit from jordan. Recieve 4-pack of Red Bull and peanut mnms, and then laugh for next 20 minutes about how everyone is trying to kill me with peanuts
12noon: recieve collosal bunch of flowers from relatives.
1230pm: chate arrives home. chate ignores me
130pm: julia arrives with food for a picnic where we invent the oh-so-classy act of drinking Red Bull out of my mums crystal champagne glasses
430pm: recieve chocolate bouquet from chate. yay!
530pm: recieve possibly best gift ever from Hirst family: Harpers Bazaar (with free tshirt woo!), chocolate, photo of me julia and krob, bottle of champagne and wait for it, BONES ON DVD. present so good that if birthday was totally sucking. this would save it
531pm: watch bones
630pm: convince mum to let me make cosmopolitan cocktails
635pm: decide to never make own cocktails again
7pm: home and away/cake (always a good combination)
And then I finished off the day with a nice little Bones/Prison Break/The Simple Life/Me-eating-copious-amounts-of-chocolate-and-drinking-enough-redbull-to-put-a-regular-person-in-hospital-so-i-guess-its-lucky-i-built-up-that-immunity-thing marathon.
Ill say it again.
Best
Birthday
Ever!!
birthday
ever!
7am: wake up to the phone ringing: normally a totally heinous occurance except that a) its my daddy singing happy birthday and b) my ringtone is 'thriller'
8am: recieve phone call from my boss and her 6-year-old twins singing happy birthday, and then asking if id like the day off seeings as its my birthday. dies with happiness
830am: wide awake and unable to do anything about it, decide to totally indulge self for next few hours. Have pink bubble bath, followed by a marathon of favourite movies: dirty dancing and moulin rouge (which is even more enjoyable than usual, seeings as nobody is home to yell at me for talking along with the entire movie)
1130am: visit from jordan. Recieve 4-pack of Red Bull and peanut mnms, and then laugh for next 20 minutes about how everyone is trying to kill me with peanuts
12noon: recieve collosal bunch of flowers from relatives.
1230pm: chate arrives home. chate ignores me
130pm: julia arrives with food for a picnic where we invent the oh-so-classy act of drinking Red Bull out of my mums crystal champagne glasses
430pm: recieve chocolate bouquet from chate. yay!
530pm: recieve possibly best gift ever from Hirst family: Harpers Bazaar (with free tshirt woo!), chocolate, photo of me julia and krob, bottle of champagne and wait for it, BONES ON DVD. present so good that if birthday was totally sucking. this would save it
531pm: watch bones
630pm: convince mum to let me make cosmopolitan cocktails
635pm: decide to never make own cocktails again
7pm: home and away/cake (always a good combination)
And then I finished off the day with a nice little Bones/Prison Break/The Simple Life/Me-eating-copious-amounts-of-chocolate-and-drinking-enough-redbull-to-put-a-regular-person-in-hospital-so-i-guess-its-lucky-i-built-up-that-immunity-thing marathon.
Ill say it again.
Best
Birthday
Ever!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
sisters? or friends?
scene: its saturday morning. im sitting, innocently eating pancakes and innocently watching a few well-earned hours of Friends, when suddenly, it dawns on me...
jacki: Oh my gosh!!
mum: What?
jacki: OH. my gosh
mum: What???
jacki: I have to call catherine!! (calls catherine)
catherine: Hello?
jacki: Catherine! I just realised something. You and me? You and me? We're Chandler and Joey. Chandler and Joey. We're Chandler and Joey Catherine!!
catherine: Ok. Um. What?
jacki: You know. Chandler and Joey. From Friends. They're us! We're them! WE ARE EACH OTHER!!!
catherine: (sighs) What are you talking about?
jacki: Ok. Listen. Listen. CHandler. CAtherine. Joey. Jacki.
catherine: Right
jacki: I KNOW!! dont you think? Ok and remember that time that it was Christmas, and Chandler and Joey had no money so they bought everyone those crappy gifts? Like they got Rachel wiper-blades and Phoebe toilet seat covers?
catherine: (sounding bored) yeah?
jacki: (practically shrieking with excitement by this point) WELL DONT YOU THINK THATS TOTALLY SOMETHING WE WOULD DO???!!!
catherine: (pauses) Jacki...you do realise Chandler and Joey arent real people right?
jacki: (stunned) why are you ruining this for me?
catherine: look, i have to go, im with my friends and...well, this is weird
jacki: you know im right! you know im right!!!
catherine: bye (hangs up)
she knows im right.
jacki: Oh my gosh!!
mum: What?
jacki: OH. my gosh
mum: What???
jacki: I have to call catherine!! (calls catherine)
catherine: Hello?
jacki: Catherine! I just realised something. You and me? You and me? We're Chandler and Joey. Chandler and Joey. We're Chandler and Joey Catherine!!
catherine: Ok. Um. What?
jacki: You know. Chandler and Joey. From Friends. They're us! We're them! WE ARE EACH OTHER!!!
catherine: (sighs) What are you talking about?
jacki: Ok. Listen. Listen. CHandler. CAtherine. Joey. Jacki.
catherine: Right
jacki: I KNOW!! dont you think? Ok and remember that time that it was Christmas, and Chandler and Joey had no money so they bought everyone those crappy gifts? Like they got Rachel wiper-blades and Phoebe toilet seat covers?
catherine: (sounding bored) yeah?
jacki: (practically shrieking with excitement by this point) WELL DONT YOU THINK THATS TOTALLY SOMETHING WE WOULD DO???!!!
catherine: (pauses) Jacki...you do realise Chandler and Joey arent real people right?
jacki: (stunned) why are you ruining this for me?
catherine: look, i have to go, im with my friends and...well, this is weird
jacki: you know im right! you know im right!!!
catherine: bye (hangs up)
she knows im right.
Monday, February 25, 2008
poor Cate Blanchett.
and i mean, who are the academy award judges anyway?
seriously?
and how come they get to choose the best movies and actors?
and how come they never choose the movies i like, like Dirty Dancing and Cloverfield and Garage Days?
whatever. that chick who was in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe won something, and she kind of looks like Cate Blanchett, so dont feel so bad Cate, you kind of won half an award.
and i mean, who are the academy award judges anyway?
seriously?
and how come they get to choose the best movies and actors?
and how come they never choose the movies i like, like Dirty Dancing and Cloverfield and Garage Days?
whatever. that chick who was in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe won something, and she kind of looks like Cate Blanchett, so dont feel so bad Cate, you kind of won half an award.
more adventures of jacki the babysitter
so im at work again, and while i could be using my time to complete various helpful tasks such as sweeping the floor, dusting the shelves, checking product deliveries etc etc, ive decided once again to channel my energy into being the worlds worst employee, and im blogging.
which im sure you all appreciate.
whatever.
so im babysitting for this family on saturday night. and this is new for me. and for them, since ive never babysat for these people before, but let me tell you, if i get my own way, i sure as hell will be babysitting for them again.
let me explain.
the first thing i noticed when i walked into the living room was the presence of not one, not two, but three 90 inch plasma tvs.
three.
three plasma tvs.
in the same room.
ok, ok, i lied. there were only two in the same room. the third was just outside the glass doors leading into the backyard.
it was hanging above the BBQ.
they called it their 'cooking' tv.
their cooking tv.
...
um...what?
and let me tell you, the night was full of suprises - the next of which being my discovery that each of the kids (oldest one was 6) had their own double bed, ensuite and plasma tv in each of their rooms.
and there was a pool.
and a trampoline.
and a pet robot dinosaur which i wasnt even going to pretend i was too cool for, and ended up playing with for most of the night.
teehee.
oh! oh! did i mention the chocolate, diet coke and milky bar icecreams i also found?
*dies*
which im sure you all appreciate.
whatever.
so im babysitting for this family on saturday night. and this is new for me. and for them, since ive never babysat for these people before, but let me tell you, if i get my own way, i sure as hell will be babysitting for them again.
let me explain.
the first thing i noticed when i walked into the living room was the presence of not one, not two, but three 90 inch plasma tvs.
three.
three plasma tvs.
in the same room.
ok, ok, i lied. there were only two in the same room. the third was just outside the glass doors leading into the backyard.
it was hanging above the BBQ.
they called it their 'cooking' tv.
their cooking tv.
...
um...what?
and let me tell you, the night was full of suprises - the next of which being my discovery that each of the kids (oldest one was 6) had their own double bed, ensuite and plasma tv in each of their rooms.
and there was a pool.
and a trampoline.
and a pet robot dinosaur which i wasnt even going to pretend i was too cool for, and ended up playing with for most of the night.
teehee.
oh! oh! did i mention the chocolate, diet coke and milky bar icecreams i also found?
*dies*
Friday, February 22, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
my eventful week
first of all, i apologise for not blogging for so long
second of all, i apologise for being so arrogant to think that people actually read these rantings.
but yes, its been a while since my last post (or rather, since the last time i was so jacked up on caffiene that i had the energy to stay awake until 6 in the morning and do nothing but blog), but since its 2.52 in the afternoon and im killing time until Gilmore Girls comes on and i can watch it and then run off to babysitting (oh, joy), this seems as good a time as any.
anyway.
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#1: Eric Bana's wife is on the TV commercial for the Academy Awards! Thats right people! Its just another stepping stone to my eventual global domination, having someone i personally know being on an ad.
an AD. on TV!!
...
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#2: My bosses cat(s) loath me. WHY? i have no idea. I've never been anything but sugar and sweetness to not only them, but the entire feline population of the earth, with the exception of Jess's cat Bubbles which i sometimes make fun of, only on account of the fact that it thinks its a dog.
what? Its hilarious!!
anyway, back to these particular cats and why they hate me. let me set the scene. well first of all you might be wondering why i have even come into contact with my bosses cat. its not that weird, its just that i babysit her kids on occasion.
anyway. its friday night. its ten past nine (but if my boss asks its actually eight thirty because ive only just got the kids into bed, although really what does she expect after giving them icecream and letting them watch 3 hours of Star Wars and Spongebob Squarepants), and im sitting on the couch, innocently eating snow mints and innocently reading one of those trash novels that i love oh so very very much, when suddenly the cat sitting on the couch next to me starts having what i can only describe as a combination between a stroke, a heart attack and an asthma attack at the same time.
yes.
well.
after i got over my initial reaction (which was to collapse into giggles because come on, the noise this cat was making was so funny i cant even describe it to you), i decided to help the poor animal by first pushing it (gently, gently) off the couch, and then trying to pick it up to put it outside.
well, i can tell you, it didnt like this. neither did its brother/sister/whatever-i-cant-tell-what-gender-it-is-on-account-of-all-the-fur-slash-fat, evidentally, since then both launched themselves at me, claws out and limbs flailing.
in conclusion, i hope you guys had good friday nights, because while you were out, at the movies, having dinner, watching tv, enjoying time alone with that special someone, whatever, i was being chased around a living room by two over-stimulated cats who live only to rip my face off.
and, what joy, looks like im heading back for more, since im babysitting for them once again tonight.
...
other than that i guess my week was actually pretty uneventual, apart from this one night where i had a totally legendary dream where Gemma and I met Emily Deschanel from Bones.
yeah.
well i hope you enjoyed this rather lengthy post, and if you didnt, well, you should at least pretend you did since it could be my last (i already escaped death by cat-attack once, who knows if ill be able to do it again tonight?)
second of all, i apologise for being so arrogant to think that people actually read these rantings.
but yes, its been a while since my last post (or rather, since the last time i was so jacked up on caffiene that i had the energy to stay awake until 6 in the morning and do nothing but blog), but since its 2.52 in the afternoon and im killing time until Gilmore Girls comes on and i can watch it and then run off to babysitting (oh, joy), this seems as good a time as any.
anyway.
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#1: Eric Bana's wife is on the TV commercial for the Academy Awards! Thats right people! Its just another stepping stone to my eventual global domination, having someone i personally know being on an ad.
an AD. on TV!!
...
AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#2: My bosses cat(s) loath me. WHY? i have no idea. I've never been anything but sugar and sweetness to not only them, but the entire feline population of the earth, with the exception of Jess's cat Bubbles which i sometimes make fun of, only on account of the fact that it thinks its a dog.
what? Its hilarious!!
anyway, back to these particular cats and why they hate me. let me set the scene. well first of all you might be wondering why i have even come into contact with my bosses cat. its not that weird, its just that i babysit her kids on occasion.
anyway. its friday night. its ten past nine (but if my boss asks its actually eight thirty because ive only just got the kids into bed, although really what does she expect after giving them icecream and letting them watch 3 hours of Star Wars and Spongebob Squarepants), and im sitting on the couch, innocently eating snow mints and innocently reading one of those trash novels that i love oh so very very much, when suddenly the cat sitting on the couch next to me starts having what i can only describe as a combination between a stroke, a heart attack and an asthma attack at the same time.
yes.
well.
after i got over my initial reaction (which was to collapse into giggles because come on, the noise this cat was making was so funny i cant even describe it to you), i decided to help the poor animal by first pushing it (gently, gently) off the couch, and then trying to pick it up to put it outside.
well, i can tell you, it didnt like this. neither did its brother/sister/whatever-i-cant-tell-what-gender-it-is-on-account-of-all-the-fur-slash-fat, evidentally, since then both launched themselves at me, claws out and limbs flailing.
in conclusion, i hope you guys had good friday nights, because while you were out, at the movies, having dinner, watching tv, enjoying time alone with that special someone, whatever, i was being chased around a living room by two over-stimulated cats who live only to rip my face off.
and, what joy, looks like im heading back for more, since im babysitting for them once again tonight.
...
other than that i guess my week was actually pretty uneventual, apart from this one night where i had a totally legendary dream where Gemma and I met Emily Deschanel from Bones.
yeah.
well i hope you enjoyed this rather lengthy post, and if you didnt, well, you should at least pretend you did since it could be my last (i already escaped death by cat-attack once, who knows if ill be able to do it again tonight?)
Thursday, February 07, 2008
alright. im bad. very very bad.
i did the coke thing.
again.
so, on account of the fact that i cant be bothered to fight constant-awakeness, you should all get ready for a whole heap of blogging that doesnt make sense, as i bring you...
Jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com Throws An All-Nighter
(updated whenever I feel that things are getting too quiet)
1.07am: Awake. So awake. Let me try to explain. So awake I'm considering going down to the backyard and jumping into the pool to cure the boredom.
Facebook is down for the night. Just another reason to hate facebook I suppose.
1.12am: Hmm. You dont say. Search of Google has revealed my upper-ear piercing can also be referred to as a 'Helix' piercing. Back off man, I have a helix piercing. Yeah, you want a piece of me? Thats right. Helix piercing. Geez I didnt realise this piercing came with so much territory. Julia and I have probably been initiated into some biker club without even knowing it!
2.24am: Christmas Eve day. I mean, think about it. Really. Its both and eve and a day. Its a Christmas miracle!!!
2.35am: David Boreanaz is MARRIED?! Well there goes my hopes and dreams of him and Emily Deschanel ever hooking up in real life! I mean, come on. You cant make that kind of stuff up!! I'm crushed. Ever so crushed. P.S, Gemma this is for you:
dude. DUDE. i know. I KNOW! and i dont care that nobody else will ever appreciate that picture.
3.14am: IMDB is the coolest, can I just say. THE COOLEST.
3.15am: I sometimes wonder what I would look like without hair. And you know what else? I dont feel guilty about downloading the Enrique Iglesias song anymore. Because guess what? I like it!! Yeah, thats right! Its an alright song! And why is everyone so mean to Enrique anyway? He's probably a cool guy. Probably? He's DEFINITELY a cool guy. Especially if he watches Bones. and Prison Break. and Gossip Girl. But the point is, you guys should give Enrique a break. I mean, nobody questioned those girls on Next Top Model when they fawned over him and got all excited about being in his video clip. So if its ok for them to love him its ok for me to like his music. Which isnt even that bad! I mean, if you really think about it - oh who am I kidding, I listen to terrible music.
3.49am: There are 18 pictures of Wentworth in my room. No no, 19 pictures.
4.01am: I wonder if Catherine is still awake...
...
....
Ok, a thorough investigation reveals that she isnt. And also that my cat is sleeping on her face. ha! I guess one advantage of throwing an all nighter is that I have one less night where my cat is sucking my life out through my face while I'm asleep.
4.30am: You know what?? If everything was right with the world...
- The writers strike would end
- Red Bull wouldnt be so expensive
- Emily and David would hook up already
- Nobody would find it weird that I referred to them as 'Emily' and 'David'
- Everyone would enjoy Michael Jackson and George Michael as much as I do
Hey. Hey. Whatever happened to Guy Sebastian? Huh?
5.01am: Is that the sun?
5.02am: From the person who brought you 'the contents of a schoolbag that has gone uncleaned for several months', i give you...
...
the contents of my handbag, which has gone uncleaned for several months:
- 3 lollipops (2 of which i have since consumed)
- 1 iPod
- 1 pair of broken iPod headphones
- 1 pair of functioning iPod headphones
- about half a cup of sand
- 2 nailpolishes
- 1 makeup brush
- 1 eyeliner
- 1 bikini top (what??)
- 1 copy of 'Persuasion'
- 18 million receipts
- 1 hoop earring
- 2 pegs
- keys
- 16 multicoloured plastic gems
- $2.35 (score!!)
- 1 wallet
- 1 pair of black thongs
- 2 shells
- iPod speakers
- 4 buttons
- 1 pen
aaaaaand
- one huge ball of blutack (which most of this other stuff was fused to. ew)
5.54am: nothing frustrates me more than the fact that i am one of only two people that watches Bones, so when I rant about it, Gemma is the only one who understands me, and she probably doesnt even understand me on account of the fact that I am ranting, and therefore dont make sense to anybody, even the people who might potentially understand me since they at least know what the thing I'm ranting about is.
5.55am: i cant believe Kevin left the backstreet boys. really, i cant believe it.
how COULD he? i mean. he's supposed to be my male-member-of-a-boy-band-slightly-too-tall-for-his-own-good-incredibly-deep-voiced-and-bushy-eyebrowed alter ego.
but now. NOW. well. if i ever saw Kevin in the street, i would smack his bottom.
6.10am: Ok i think the effects of the coke have officially worn off. finally! time for sleep! sweet, wonderous, i-can-never-get-enough-of-it sleep, in my beautiful egyptian-cotton-clad double bed. how ive missed you!
sweet dreams faithful readers.
6.11am: Ok, you've GOT to be kidding.
a car alarm just went off.
right.
outside.
my window.
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