hey catherine, would you rather...

(Catherine is lying in bed and im sitting on the floor in her room)

me: Ok, would you rather me flicking this lamp (points to the lamp on her bedside table) on and off and on and off while you try to sleep, or me sitting here for the whole night and every time the time changes i would say it like this (puts on a freaky voice that kind of sounds like Professor Snape) eleven fifty-two. eleven fifty-three. eleven fifty-four, and i would do it for the whole night?

(pause. catherine stares at me. i stare at catherine. we both burst out into hysterical laughter)

me: oh! I made myself crack up!
catherine: That is the stupidest question you have ever asked me.
me: just answer
catherine: ok, i guess id prefer....the light?
me: really? really? this wouldnt annoy you??? (turns the light on and off a few times and it makes a really loud noise)
catherine: yeah, thats annoying, but that voice you did really freaks the crap out of me
me: (trying to speak through the laughter) this is so going on my blog
catherine: is there anything that doesnt go on your blog?
me: ok did you know that there are probably poo particles on your toothbrush? definitely, actually
catherine: ok how did we get onto this subject?
me: (ignoring her) because the poo particles travel from the toilet and like latch themselves onto everything in the bathroom especially the toothbrushes
catherine: jacki -
me: and even if you kept the toothbrush in its original packaging, it would still have poo particles on it because the poo particles can penetrate the plastic!
catherine: jacki -
me: and if you've ever been in a public bathroom you probably have other peoples poo particles on you, like, right now!
catherine: jacki -
me: you know, i probably have a famous persons poo particles on me. like Eric Bana.
catherine: jacki...wait, why Eric Bana?
me: because we stayed at Lord Howe with him, and he probably farted some time during that trip. (Catherine looks disgusted). What, like you can get through the whole of dinner without farting once?!
catherine: you're disgusting
me: you know im right!
catherine: get out of my room
me: whatever.

so which would you guys rather?

you begged us not to..

for your reading pleasure

so i went for a walk today, and, idiot that i am, i decided to wear thongs.
not a big deal right?
well i didnt think so, until i accidentally walked through an ants nest.
anyway, try as i might to escape them, two or three latched onto my toes and started biting like crazy. and let me tell you, these were no ordinary ants, because no matter how hard i kicked, they just wouldnt come off!
So there i am, trying to walk, kicking out my legs to try and get the ants off and screaming because of the pain. and of course my sunglasses fell off and my ipod earphones came out of my ears and started flailing around my head and when i finally got the ants off my feet i turned and saw that i was standing next to Kingsford Smith Oval and the entire Lane Cove Over 45's Soccer team is pointing.
and laughing.
at me.

its a great day to be jacki trew.

what IS it with me and showers??

so along with spiders, history teachers, bus drivers, lolly-pop-men, magpies and my sister, i can now make yet another addition to the list of people or things who are trying to kill me.
showers.
yeah.
at first i thought, you know, maybe its just a one-off terrible shower experience.
but this morning i was proved wrong.

so there i was, innocently enjoying the hot water and the shower radio and the smell of my conditioner, and i decided to wash my face.
thats when things went bad.

so the conditioner was still in my hair and i was soaping up my face and SUDDENLY it happened. that thing that you guys hear about but never actually experience because, well, most peoples showers arent trying to kill them. whatever.
so suddenly the water changed from pleasantly hot to ice-cold.
so cold that the sides of the shower instantly froze, like that scene in The Day After Tomorrow, where the air changes temperature so quickly that the flag freezes into an ice-block?
yeah. exactly like that.
so basically i was trapped in this shower-slash-death-chamber, and im trying to turn the hot tap up and the cold tap down except theres soap in my eyes so i cant really see what im doing, and OH YEAH, remember that time the shower guy came to fix the shower, and while doing so, he switched the hot and cold taps so that when you turn the hot tap cold comes out and when you turn the cold tap hot comes out? so of course THAT factored into the whole situation (as you can imagine), and the water kept getting colder and the soap in my eyes was stinging and the shower radio was up so loud that nobody could hear my screams for help.
dude.
so finally i decided that even though i was wet and covered in soap and there was conditioner still in my hair, the only way to save myself was to get out of the shower. which i did, with great difficulty, and then proceeded to slide accross the wet bathroom floor, tangle myself up in the towels on the towel rack, and end up falling backwards into the spa.
which, as you can imagine, was really comfortable.
...
...
not.
anyway so there you have it. the proof that my shower is trying to kill me.
ill never be clean again.

...and then I saved 11 dollars!

so.
i went to the movies today with the lovely Mel Amon, and i gotta tell you, it may just have been..
...and let me prepare because i dont want to under-sell this...
it may just have been THE GREATEST AFTERNOON OF MY LIFE.
first of all, it was MEL.
and second of all, it was STEP-UP 2. which, you know, is the best kind of movie, on account of the fact that:

• its the kind you make fun of in front of all your super-cool friends but are secretly dying to see
• its a sequel
• theres dancing
• theres music
• theres a Channing Tatum cameo

and so much more.
whatever. thats not even the best part!

since it was 3 in the afternoon on a monday, we were THE ONLY people in the entire cinema. so of course, we took advantage of the lack of other audience members, and sat in La Premiere.

gasp! rebels!
whatever. i have to say, almost getting sent to prison (because you know, everyone who illegally sits in La Premiere goes to prison)? TOTALLY worth it.
i mean
those chairs are HUGE.

Why? WHY NOT!!

The best thing about getting a haircut is...

watching the reactions of your family:

Mum: Wh...wow. Ok. Thats...thats going to take some getting used to.

Dad: How was your - WHAT DID YOU DO?

Sister: Hey. (pauses) Wanna watch Bones?

One Million Reasons To Love Paint

why i love my sister

scene: Chate and I are watching an episode of Bones, to be more specific, a scene where Booth and Brennan are walking through a graveyard

Chate: you know what really freaks me out about graveyards?
Jacki: what?
Chate: you're basically walking over heaps of dead bodies
Jacki: yeah I know
Chate: like in any graveyard..its just so..so..
Jacki: its totally creepy
Chate: ugh. I know
Jacki: but you know sometimes there isnt a body in the coffin
Chate: what?
Jacki: you know. Like if the victim was lost at sea, or cremated, and they just fill a coffin full of their stuff.
Chate: why would they do that?
Jacki: duh, its all symbolic
Chate: why would they use a coffin though?
Jacki: why wouldnt they?
Chate: because there isnt a body!
Jacki: so what are they supposed to use instead?
Chate: just a regular box
Jacki: what?! You cant just use a regular box!!
Chate: why not?
Jacki: because its...its..disrespectful!
Chate: and this conversation isnt??
Jacki: whatever. You have to use a coffin because its nicer. You cant just use a cardboard box!
Chate: I never said anything about a cardboard box
Jacki: well what kind of box did you mean?
Chate: a nice box
Jacki: also known as a coffin?
Chate: no! you could build a nice one
Jacki: why would you build one when you could just buy a coffin? Theyd end up looking the same anyway
Chate: not necessarily
Jacki: yes, yes they would! you'd just build a rectangular box, which is basically a coffin
Chate: you could make it a square
Jacki: but there wouldnt be enough room for all the persons stuff!
Chate: how much stuff do you need to put in there??!!
Jacki: i dono, however much you want to
Chate: anyway, even if you made it a rectangular box, it wouldnt be the same as a coffin, coffins have handles on the side
Jacki: not always
Chate: yes they do, because you need something to lower the coffin into the ground
Jacki: well you'd need something to lower the box full of stuff into the ground too!
Chate: can you shut up, I'm trying to watch this

(5 minutes of silence)

Jacki: so we both agree that I won that argument??
Chate: it doesnt really matter. You always win on your blog anyway.

Finally.
FINALLY.
she gets it

things you learn by watching the first seasons of Bones, Prison Break and Heroes within a 72 hour period

• Actors should really stick to one accent. Especially when they have a habbit of switching between Indian and British
• No matter how hard you try, your cat will not sit down and watch TV with you
• Heroes made alot more sense back in Season 1 when everyone was in the same time period
• Prison Break made alot more sense back in Season 1 when the only storylines that mattered was Lincoln escaping and Michael hooking up with Sara
• Bones never made sense (mostly due to the technical jargon)
• Subtitles are great for those times when you're eating cereal and you cant hear the TV over the sound of your own chewing
• Wentworth appears shirtless 9 times in 22 episodes
• Never be friends with someone who names themselves after a brand of clocks
• Opening credits are alot less fun when there arent any words to sing along to
• Dont try to invent your own lyrics for wordless-opening-credit-sequences. It only ends badly
• Heroes should only be watched while consuming large amounts of special K and Red Bull

and finally, the one thing you will learn by watching the first seasons of Bones, Prison Break and Heroes within a 72 hour period is that yes, yes everyone you know will think you are absolutely pathetic.

But its 100% worth it.

and again, it was the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER

three words.

Wentworth

Miller

Cake

One million reasons to watch Bones:

(look a little closer)

dear tooth fairy

Yes, these were all written by me, between ages 5 and 9. My parents thought it would be funny to unearth them for my birthday. And yes, I did make all those spelling mistakes. Classic.


Dear Thooth Firay,
I've lost a tooth. And guss what? I thout that I swolled it.
That was the funny bit.
If you can't find it, it is on my desk. The story is on the back
of this card. And a butiful picher.
From Jacki.
P.S I got the tooth cup for my birthday.
The Story: I was finishing my dinner. And my sister Catherine
was being very noisy then I ate the last bit of my dinner and it
just fell into my bowl.
From Jacki

Dear Tooth Fairy,
I'm sorry this is a bit messy but I was in a hurry for bedtime.
Anyway my tooth fell out so I put it in a glass of water for you.
From Jacki


Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost a tooth and I did it while I was watching TV.
I was very pleased.
From Jacki

Dear Tooth Fairy,
I am sorry that this is a bit rushed but I had to go to bed.
Did you see The Nanny tonight? It was funny.
Good luck for getting here.
From Jacki
P.S I live in Australia

Dear Tooth Fairy,
I have lost a tooth. I shoed my daddy and he was proud
of me. I kept on licking it. At dinner time I dindted feel well.
So I lickit it and fellat better.
This is for you so I hope you like it. I know that I have riten
alot, so now I think I should stop.
I hope I like my present.
From Jacki

Dear Tooth Fairy,
I lost my tooth today but it fell down the sink. Mum thinks
that yoo will be able to find it, will yoo? If yoo can thanks and
if yoo cant then, ummm..
Oh well, I suppose its gone.
From Jacki

we have a winner

best
birthday
ever!

7am: wake up to the phone ringing: normally a totally heinous occurance except that a) its my daddy singing happy birthday and b) my ringtone is 'thriller'

8am: recieve phone call from my boss and her 6-year-old twins singing happy birthday, and then asking if id like the day off seeings as its my birthday. dies with happiness

830am: wide awake and unable to do anything about it, decide to totally indulge self for next few hours. Have pink bubble bath, followed by a marathon of favourite movies: dirty dancing and moulin rouge (which is even more enjoyable than usual, seeings as nobody is home to yell at me for talking along with the entire movie)

1130am: visit from jordan. Recieve 4-pack of Red Bull and peanut mnms, and then laugh for next 20 minutes about how everyone is trying to kill me with peanuts

12noon: recieve collosal bunch of flowers from relatives.

1230pm: chate arrives home. chate ignores me

130pm: julia arrives with food for a picnic where we invent the oh-so-classy act of drinking Red Bull out of my mums crystal champagne glasses

430pm: recieve chocolate bouquet from chate. yay!

530pm: recieve possibly best gift ever from Hirst family: Harpers Bazaar (with free tshirt woo!), chocolate, photo of me julia and krob, bottle of champagne and wait for it, BONES ON DVD. present so good that if birthday was totally sucking. this would save it

531pm: watch bones

630pm: convince mum to let me make cosmopolitan cocktails

635pm: decide to never make own cocktails again

7pm: home and away/cake (always a good combination)

And then I finished off the day with a nice little Bones/Prison Break/The Simple Life/Me-eating-copious-amounts-of-chocolate-and-drinking-enough-redbull-to-put-a-regular-person-in-hospital-so-i-guess-its-lucky-i-built-up-that-immunity-thing marathon.

Ill say it again.
Best
Birthday
Ever!!

sisters? or friends?

scene: its saturday morning. im sitting, innocently eating pancakes and innocently watching a few well-earned hours of Friends, when suddenly, it dawns on me...

jacki: Oh my gosh!!
mum: What?
jacki: OH. my gosh
mum: What???
jacki: I have to call catherine!! (calls catherine)
catherine: Hello?
jacki: Catherine! I just realised something. You and me? You and me? We're Chandler and Joey. Chandler and Joey. We're Chandler and Joey Catherine!!
catherine: Ok. Um. What?
jacki: You know. Chandler and Joey. From Friends. They're us! We're them! WE ARE EACH OTHER!!!
catherine: (sighs) What are you talking about?
jacki: Ok. Listen. Listen. CHandler. CAtherine. Joey. Jacki.
catherine: Right
jacki: I KNOW!! dont you think? Ok and remember that time that it was Christmas, and Chandler and Joey had no money so they bought everyone those crappy gifts? Like they got Rachel wiper-blades and Phoebe toilet seat covers?
catherine: (sounding bored) yeah?
jacki: (practically shrieking with excitement by this point) WELL DONT YOU THINK THATS TOTALLY SOMETHING WE WOULD DO???!!!
catherine: (pauses) Jacki...you do realise Chandler and Joey arent real people right?
jacki: (stunned) why are you ruining this for me?
catherine: look, i have to go, im with my friends and...well, this is weird
jacki: you know im right! you know im right!!!
catherine: bye (hangs up)

she knows im right.

poor Cate Blanchett.

and i mean, who are the academy award judges anyway?
seriously?
and how come they get to choose the best movies and actors?
and how come they never choose the movies i like, like Dirty Dancing and Cloverfield and Garage Days?

whatever. that chick who was in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe won something, and she kind of looks like Cate Blanchett, so dont feel so bad Cate, you kind of won half an award.

more adventures of jacki the babysitter

so im at work again, and while i could be using my time to complete various helpful tasks such as sweeping the floor, dusting the shelves, checking product deliveries etc etc, ive decided once again to channel my energy into being the worlds worst employee, and im blogging.

which im sure you all appreciate.
whatever.
so im babysitting for this family on saturday night. and this is new for me. and for them, since ive never babysat for these people before, but let me tell you, if i get my own way, i sure as hell will be babysitting for them again.
let me explain.
the first thing i noticed when i walked into the living room was the presence of not one, not two, but three 90 inch plasma tvs.
three.
three plasma tvs.
in the same room.
ok, ok, i lied. there were only two in the same room. the third was just outside the glass doors leading into the backyard.
it was hanging above the BBQ.
they called it their 'cooking' tv.
their cooking tv.
...
um...what?
and let me tell you, the night was full of suprises - the next of which being my discovery that each of the kids (oldest one was 6) had their own double bed, ensuite and plasma tv in each of their rooms.
and there was a pool.
and a trampoline.
and a pet robot dinosaur which i wasnt even going to pretend i was too cool for, and ended up playing with for most of the night.
teehee.
oh! oh! did i mention the chocolate, diet coke and milky bar icecreams i also found?
*dies*

so apparently ryan reynolds has been cast in the x-men 'wolverine' movie.
hugh jackman and ryan reynolds in the same movie?
*dies*
if only wentworth had a cameo appearance it would be cinematic perfection

my eventful week

first of all, i apologise for not blogging for so long
second of all, i apologise for being so arrogant to think that people actually read these rantings.

but yes, its been a while since my last post (or rather, since the last time i was so jacked up on caffiene that i had the energy to stay awake until 6 in the morning and do nothing but blog), but since its 2.52 in the afternoon and im killing time until Gilmore Girls comes on and i can watch it and then run off to babysitting (oh, joy), this seems as good a time as any.
anyway.

AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#1: Eric Bana's wife is on the TV commercial for the Academy Awards! Thats right people! Its just another stepping stone to my eventual global domination, having someone i personally know being on an ad.
an AD. on TV!!
...

AMAZING DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK#2: My bosses cat(s) loath me. WHY? i have no idea. I've never been anything but sugar and sweetness to not only them, but the entire feline population of the earth, with the exception of Jess's cat Bubbles which i sometimes make fun of, only on account of the fact that it thinks its a dog.
what? Its hilarious!!
anyway, back to these particular cats and why they hate me. let me set the scene. well first of all you might be wondering why i have even come into contact with my bosses cat. its not that weird, its just that i babysit her kids on occasion.
anyway. its friday night. its ten past nine (but if my boss asks its actually eight thirty because ive only just got the kids into bed, although really what does she expect after giving them icecream and letting them watch 3 hours of Star Wars and Spongebob Squarepants), and im sitting on the couch, innocently eating snow mints and innocently reading one of those trash novels that i love oh so very very much, when suddenly the cat sitting on the couch next to me starts having what i can only describe as a combination between a stroke, a heart attack and an asthma attack at the same time.
yes.
well.
after i got over my initial reaction (which was to collapse into giggles because come on, the noise this cat was making was so funny i cant even describe it to you), i decided to help the poor animal by first pushing it (gently, gently) off the couch, and then trying to pick it up to put it outside.
well, i can tell you, it didnt like this. neither did its brother/sister/whatever-i-cant-tell-what-gender-it-is-on-account-of-all-the-fur-slash-fat, evidentally, since then both launched themselves at me, claws out and limbs flailing.
in conclusion, i hope you guys had good friday nights, because while you were out, at the movies, having dinner, watching tv, enjoying time alone with that special someone, whatever, i was being chased around a living room by two over-stimulated cats who live only to rip my face off.
and, what joy, looks like im heading back for more, since im babysitting for them once again tonight.
...
other than that i guess my week was actually pretty uneventual, apart from this one night where i had a totally legendary dream where Gemma and I met Emily Deschanel from Bones.

yeah.
well i hope you enjoyed this rather lengthy post, and if you didnt, well, you should at least pretend you did since it could be my last (i already escaped death by cat-attack once, who knows if ill be able to do it again tonight?)

alright. im bad. very very bad.


i did the coke thing.


again.


so, on account of the fact that i cant be bothered to fight constant-awakeness, you should all get ready for a whole heap of blogging that doesnt make sense, as i bring you...

Jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com Throws An All-Nighter

(updated whenever I feel that things are getting too quiet)

1.07am: Awake. So awake. Let me try to explain. So awake I'm considering going down to the backyard and jumping into the pool to cure the boredom.

Facebook is down for the night. Just another reason to hate facebook I suppose.

1.12am: Hmm. You dont say. Search of Google has revealed my upper-ear piercing can also be referred to as a 'Helix' piercing. Back off man, I have a helix piercing. Yeah, you want a piece of me? Thats right. Helix piercing. Geez I didnt realise this piercing came with so much territory. Julia and I have probably been initiated into some biker club without even knowing it!

2.24am: Christmas Eve day. I mean, think about it. Really. Its both and eve and a day. Its a Christmas miracle!!!

2.35am: David Boreanaz is MARRIED?! Well there goes my hopes and dreams of him and Emily Deschanel ever hooking up in real life! I mean, come on. You cant make that kind of stuff up!! I'm crushed. Ever so crushed. P.S, Gemma this is for you:

dude. DUDE. i know. I KNOW! and i dont care that nobody else will ever appreciate that picture.

3.14am: IMDB is the coolest, can I just say. THE COOLEST.

3.15am: I sometimes wonder what I would look like without hair. And you know what else? I dont feel guilty about downloading the Enrique Iglesias song anymore. Because guess what? I like it!! Yeah, thats right! Its an alright song! And why is everyone so mean to Enrique anyway? He's probably a cool guy. Probably? He's DEFINITELY a cool guy. Especially if he watches Bones. and Prison Break. and Gossip Girl. But the point is, you guys should give Enrique a break. I mean, nobody questioned those girls on Next Top Model when they fawned over him and got all excited about being in his video clip. So if its ok for them to love him its ok for me to like his music. Which isnt even that bad! I mean, if you really think about it - oh who am I kidding, I listen to terrible music.

3.49am: There are 18 pictures of Wentworth in my room. No no, 19 pictures.

4.01am: I wonder if Catherine is still awake...
...
....
Ok, a thorough investigation reveals that she isnt. And also that my cat is sleeping on her face. ha! I guess one advantage of throwing an all nighter is that I have one less night where my cat is sucking my life out through my face while I'm asleep.

4.30am: You know what?? If everything was right with the world...

• The writers strike would end
• Red Bull wouldnt be so expensive
• Emily and David would hook up already
• Nobody would find it weird that I referred to them as 'Emily' and 'David'
• Everyone would enjoy Michael Jackson and George Michael as much as I do

Hey. Hey. Whatever happened to Guy Sebastian? Huh?

5.01am: Is that the sun?

5.02am: From the person who brought you 'the contents of a schoolbag that has gone uncleaned for several months', i give you...
...
the contents of my handbag, which has gone uncleaned for several months:

• 3 lollipops (2 of which i have since consumed)
• 1 iPod
• 1 pair of broken iPod headphones
• 1 pair of functioning iPod headphones
• about half a cup of sand
• 2 nailpolishes
• 1 makeup brush
• 1 eyeliner
• 1 bikini top (what??)
• 1 copy of 'Persuasion'
• 18 million receipts
• 1 hoop earring
• 2 pegs
• keys
• 16 multicoloured plastic gems
• $2.35 (score!!)
• 1 wallet
• 1 pair of black thongs
• 2 shells
• iPod speakers
• 4 buttons
• 1 pen

aaaaaand

• one huge ball of blutack (which most of this other stuff was fused to. ew)

5.54am: nothing frustrates me more than the fact that i am one of only two people that watches Bones, so when I rant about it, Gemma is the only one who understands me, and she probably doesnt even understand me on account of the fact that I am ranting, and therefore dont make sense to anybody, even the people who might potentially understand me since they at least know what the thing I'm ranting about is.

5.55am: i cant believe Kevin left the backstreet boys. really, i cant believe it.
how COULD he? i mean. he's supposed to be my male-member-of-a-boy-band-slightly-too-tall-for-his-own-good-incredibly-deep-voiced-and-bushy-eyebrowed alter ego.
but now. NOW. well. if i ever saw Kevin in the street, i would smack his bottom.

6.10am: Ok i think the effects of the coke have officially worn off. finally! time for sleep! sweet, wonderous, i-can-never-get-enough-of-it sleep, in my beautiful egyptian-cotton-clad double bed. how ive missed you!
sweet dreams faithful readers.

6.11am: Ok, you've GOT to be kidding.
a car alarm just went off.
right.
outside.
my window.

www.jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com saves Hollywood

Dear Hollywood,

Ok. And I didnt say anything for a while, because you know, its important to show some self-control, but seriously, this writers strike thing?
Um, yeah.
ITS RUINING OUR LIVES.
Alright. Maybe that was a bit dramatic. Yes, I admit, probably the only people who care are me and Casey. But still, two viewers is more than none.
Its not that I dont feel for the writers, whatever their plight may be. But you have to realise what effect having nothing to watch on TV is having on me.
Do you know what I watched the other day? Do you?
Bridezillas.
Yeah. I never thought I'd sink that low. Well I did! BECAUSE THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE ON!! Thankfully I've pulled myself together a little since then, and you can rest assured I wont be watching any more Bridezillas, no matter how bad the situation gets.
Ok. I lied. I'll admit it.
I watch Bridezillas every day. I think its awesome, I love it. The combination of PMS, an endless supply of disfunctional couples, and those relatives who decide they really cant give a damn and drop the cake in the middle of the church aisle is just sensational.
But enough.
I cant survive on Bridezillas alone!
Something needs to be done. And quickly. Before my brain explodes from attempting to come up with another solution to the whole Dr-Tancredi's-decapitated-head-was-in-a-box-and-we-all-saw-it-but-she-cant-be-dead-because-if-she-is-dead-then-i-will-die-on-account-of-the-fact-that-one-of-my-most-cherished-past-times-is-watching-Prison-Break-and-using-my-imaginaton-to-superimpose-my-head-over-Dr-Tancredi's-everytime-she-and-Wentworth-Miller-have-a-kissing-scene thing.
So please.
do it for me
and Casey
and Gemma, since I know she loves Bones as much as I do.
sincerely,

Jacki Trew

im having a rather guilty moment.
...
ok, i confess:
i just downloaded the new enrique iglesias song.
thats 2 crimes: 1) illegal downloading, and 2) enrique iglesias.

so sue me! it was on next top model

sex and the city

ok so i was just watching sex and the city and it occured to me.

why do i even like this show? i mean, seriously. and its not just because the overall concept is pretty, you know, morally disturbing. i also realised that i dont even like any of the main characters that much.
you know when you're watching a show or a movie, you pick out, if you had to be one of the characters, which one you'd be?
and dont deny it because everyone does it.
well i was thinking about it, and i couldnt choose. they really all repulse me in some way or another.
charlotte is too much of a mothery type, carrie looks like a horse, miranda's hair irritates me beyond all reason and samantha, well lets face it, shes a complete nymphomaniac.
and dont get me started on Mr. Big. because i can start myself thanks very much!!
first of all, Mr BIG? you really couldnt think of anything more obvious?
also hes, what, 70? 75? i know it was the 90's, but there were still hot people out there you know!! whats with the hair? oh im being completely horrible of course, i suppose its because pretty much every tv show i watch now is uber-crappy thanks to my recent addiction to Gossip Girl.
except Prison Break of course
i love you wentworth

so here i am, sitting at work, and its 4.28pm and the last time a customer came in here was almost 45 minutes ago and i dont finish for another hour and a half and theres nothing to do but sit and look out the windows at the school kids walking home from school, and laughing at them with pity (because, you know, theyre at school) until i realise that its 4.28pm and the last time a customer came in here was almost 45 minutes ago and i dont finish for another hour and a half.

which sucks.
and in addition to that, ive been sick for like the last 6 days.
and in addition to THAT, the sound on this computer is like permanently muted or something (probably on account of the computer having no speakers), so when i tried to watch an episode of prison break just now, i couldnt hear anything they were saying.
...
...
*screams silently*
oh! oh! a customer!
wow, i really should get up and ask them if they need any help browsing.
but i wont, instead im going to sit here behind the counter and type out a recount of everything they are doing because i am so so so bored.
ok. shes looking at the bath gels. now moving onto the perfume diffusers. now shes turning to look at me curiously because my frantic typing is kind of loud. ok we made eye-contact. nobody says anything. and yes, its awkward.
dammit she left. and without buying anything. RUDE!
..
although probably not as rude as a shop assistant who types out every move of the customer rather than helping them.
well whatever! its been a long day. AND my crankiness just increased since i realise i have no ride home, so when i finally get out of here (which knowing my luck will be somewhere around midnight), im going to have to walk home.
WALK.
HOME.
in the RAIN.
whatever. and now onto a hilarious description of Yolanda, this girl who works at the sandwich shop next to ours. one time she came in, sat down in the waiting-room-area (the shop is also a beautician) and started eating her lunch.
just, you know, just randomly.
then she spilled her drink all over the floor, and after i had helped her finish wiping it up, she asked me if she could keep the paper towel.
the paper towel.
that i used to wipe her spilt drink OFF THE FLOOR.
yeah. i know.
oh hang on, phone call.

ok and back. and that reminds me, this morning, amongst serving customers and booking appointments, my main duty was to fix the fax machine.
easy enough right? no. not easy enough, since nobody told me what was WRONG with the fax machine in the first place.
anyway after reading pretty much the entire instruction manual, i was pretty sure i had it down, except then it started ringing like a phone.
and on the screen it said 'pick up the phone'.
so im looking all over this stupid fax machine and i cant find any part of it that looks remotely like a phone, so i just pick up the store phone.
of course nothing happens, and the fax machine keeps ringing and the customers are looking at me like 'what kind of a retard doesnt know how to use a fax machine' and i feel like asking one of them for help except that my boss probably wouldnt approve.
anyway.
eventually i solved the problem by kicking the fax machine until it turned off.
success!
oh.
more customers.
must be off!

Cloverfield

So.
Since I got the day off today (yay for me!!), me and my sister (yes, Catherine, the one who always argues with me. Also referred to on frequent occasions as Cathe or Chate) decided to 'hit up' Macquarie shopping centre and spend some of that money that I'm supposed to be saving in order to travel later this year.
Whatever.
After 2 hours of shopping which mainly consisted of the two of us arguing about whether or not Macquarie shopping centre sucks (Catherine, who attends Macquarie Uni and is a frequent Macquarie shopping centre shopper, knows the crazy layout off by heart, is able to find any shop she wants within 5 minutes, and therefore assumed the position of arguing that Macquarie shopping centre does not suck. In fact she even went so far as to say that it is superior to other nearby shopping centres including Chatswood Westfield. Meanwhile, I, a dedicated Chatswood Westfield shopper, find the twists and turns of Macquarie shopping centre extremely irritating and unnecessary, and always seem to either get lost in the maze of shops, or end up walking around and around in circles for hours on end. Also, that huge sun-dial in the middle? Totally retarded).

Anyway when that got tiring we decided to go see a movie, and had to make a choice between the almost impossibly girly 27 dresses, the super serious yet somehow extremely lame I am legend, or some movie neither of us knew anything about - some 'shrouded-in-mystery' type called Cloverfield.

So, naturally, because we are both idiots with terrible taste in entertainment (hello - we are probably the only two people on earth who watch The Simple Life and enjoy it), we decided to see Cloverfield.
Well shut me up. Because it turned out to be 100% LEGEN - and i hope you're not lactose-intolerant because the last part of this word is - DAIRY.
LEGENDAIRY.
or rather, legendary.
Think Independance Day meets How I Met Your Mother. I KNOW! It's so awesome its redonkulous. AND that Janice Ian chick from Mean Girls is in it. AND there's heaps of explosions and surround sound. could this movie BE any better?
???
no.
no it could not.
so you should all go see it.
and thank me for suggesting it to you.
and then join me in my quest to contact the writers and ask them why its called Cloverfield.

I've found a hero

"One of the 24 similarities between women and fish is that they are both attracted to shiny things. Honestly, don't you ever read my blog?"

- Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

WARNING

ok
ive said it before
and - because im too much of a complete moron to take my own advice - ill say it again

dont
dont
ever think you can drink three litres of diet coke just before bedtime and get away with it.
oh it seemed like a perfectly good idea at the time. practically ingenius, really.
but now its 5 in the morning and im yet to get to sleep because:
a) i am totally jacked up on caffeine
b) i have to get up every 8 seconds to pee

literally. ive been to the toilet so many times tonight that theres hardly any point in me bothering to wear pants because as soon as i put them back on, its time to take them off again.
luckily no other members of my family joined me in my crusade to consume every drop of diet coke in the house, so everyone else is to deep in sleep to notice me.
except for my cat, who is giving me a look thats one third amusement, one third disgust and one third pity.
whatever.

Lord Howe

so ive been back from lord howe for almost a week but - so sue me - i had better and MORE IMPORTANT things to do than sit around and blog.
ok.
that was a blatant lie.
i was just too lazy.
BUT. i did work for one day. wednesday.
and then on thursday i had to go to the bank. by the way, sidebar: banks are a totally grown-up and scary feature of life that i have no plans to make contact with again any time in the near future. I mean. It was so QUIET in there. Not to mention nearly everyone was wearing a suit. Even the GIRLS. Needless to say, I felt a tad out of place in my un-ironed guns n roses tshirt and a pair of blue shorts. Thank goodness I rememeberd to put shoes on. Whatever.

Where was I?
Oh yes. Lord Howe.
Basically it was the same blissful story as it is every year: 10 days of me and julia lying side by side on a sandy white beach listening to john mayer and justin timberlake and reading terrible trashy novels and magazine articles about the many ways in which Australians are slowly killing themselves (I swear if it wasnt sunbaking it was a poor diet or being a work-a-holic or, i dont know, standing too close to the microwave while you're heating up a criossant or whatever).

Oh. Also Eric Bana was there again. He stopped by our table at dinner on the first night to say hello and welcome us back. No big deal. I mean we are practically family at this point. I expect he'll make a personal dedication to us during his next award acceptance.
Yes.
Yes I am a giant giant dork.
And you love it.

What else? Oh I'm pretty sure the hotel we stay at is a certified fat farm, only not the kind that makes you lose weight, but the kind that feeds you and feeds you and feeds you until you can't even fit into maternity clothes let alone the eensy-weensy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikini you brought with you, only you dont really care because that mango cheesecake was just too damn good to resist. Oh baby.

Also Julia, Leigh and myself formed a band, so creatively named 'Mating in the shallows', and then discovered that the lyrics of our songs fore-told the future.
Eh hem.
For example, soon after the third or fourth rendition of our original hit 'Catherine got eaten by a shark', my sister Catherine was...shall we say...confronted?..by a shark while snorkeling. Which was of course hilarious to those of us who hadnt yet entered the water, and not so hilarious to those whose snorkelling goggles had fogged up so bad that they were unable to see that the shark was now heading in their direction.

I've just had a thought. Does anyone even read this anymore?
ha
haha

summing up 2007

GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
nope

LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
a bag from julia

EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
many a time

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
when was the first time?

THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
clothes. woopsie.

LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
sultana bran

FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
how tall they are

ONE FAVORITE SONG?
off the wall - michael jackson

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
longueville

HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
roseville :)

CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
optus

FAVORITE MALL STORE:
meh

LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
at bakers delight

DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
probably

DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
occasionally

LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
naomi and tims!!

LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
last night

FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
sushi world

BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
im thinking miss shanahans story about her eyeball falling out or whatever

WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
wherever

CAN YOU COOK?
a little something something

WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
a big wheel

LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
the last time i watched moulin rouge

MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
christmas pudding and fish

THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
hmmm...

THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
the way i get addicted to things too easily

LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
10 hours

FAVORITE MOVIE?
dirty dancing

CAN YOU SING?
ha!

LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
snow patrol

LAST MOVIE RENTED:
factory girl

ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
Sucre

FAVORITE vacation spot
lord howe

LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
yeesum

FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
that guy from Hickery. ha

DO YOU SMOKE?
ew no

SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
with

WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
no one. im a bed hog.

DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
how would i know

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
never :)

PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
french toast

DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
nope. ew.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
not near me

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
nope

LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
casey

LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
catherine

WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
a new years one from madi

NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
3

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
pajamas

PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
tonight, gotta leave that 9 to 5 up on the wall, and just enjoy yourself

WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
ew. ew ew ew

CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
badly

CAN YOU SWIM?
yep

FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
cookies and cream

DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
what?

TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
christmas is my favourite day of the year

EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
yep

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON
summer

LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
last night

WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
nine

BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
coats

LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
i dont drive

NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
peter

DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
um. wat?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
whatever

BIRTHDATE
10th march

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
forever young

ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
yep

ARE YOU SMILING?:
i am now

DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW
yep

IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
panama

ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
not anymore

DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
i do

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
wentworth

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
which one?

DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
nope

DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
yep

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
like i would after watching titanic. oh, and that poseidon movie

DO YOU HAVE A SISTER
i do

ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
i am

ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
a little bit

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
yep

DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
kind of

WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
earrings

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
watch the simple life. so sue me, its hilarious!

jackiiscrazy.blogspot.com on TV

didnt i tell you it would happen one day?

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-au&showPlaylist=true&playlist=videoByUuids:uuids:3550cb8d-820c-4336-9e63-0598ba9e17ef

check at 14 seconds.
and this was ACTUALLY on tv
*dies with excitement*

shower thoughts #26

WHY does the john west tuna ad have to be SO SCARY?
seriously
SERIOUSLY
have you SEEN it?
the one with the sharks? its just an ad for tuna. TUNA. most people dont even like tuna. in fact, im pretty sure that apart from mel and my mum, nobody actually buys tuna anymore, unless, you know, its for their pet cat.
so why would the tuna people make their commercial so attention-grabbingly scary?? THEY DONT NEED TO GRAB ANYONE'S ATTENTION.
and why?
BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT NOBODY EATS TUNA.
...
INCLUDING THE JOHN WEST PEOPLE.
so they should KNOW that there's no point in trying to grab people's attention, because as soon as they start paying attention, they will realise its just an ad for tuna, and they'll go 'ew, tuna' and then what will they do?
STOP PAYING ATTENTION
unless they're me, and they become so transfixed by the terrifying concept of a man on a boat surrounded by sharks who is sure to be killed when the sharks leap out of the water and onto the boat, because they are being driven into a hunger-frenzy by the tuna he's eating.
sigh.
you know what i bet in the ad, the guy isnt even eating tuna.
its probably some tuna-substitute, which sounds completely disgusting, but when you think about it, there really isnt anything as disgusting as tuna, so tuna-substitute cant be that bad.
OH
and i just thought of something else
WHY WOULD PEOPLE BUY TUNA IF IT MEANS THEY ARE GOING TO BE ATTACKED BY SHARKS???
because thats pretty much what the john west people are saying will happen if you eat john west tuna. you know. every shark in the world will smell the tuna from inside your tummy, and they will go wild with hunger and desire for the tuna (ew) and will hunt you down until they find you, kill you and eat you.
and, subsequently, the tuna.

seriously, john west. put that in your pipe and smoke it.

yeah, so i just got done watching Dante's Peak, one of those truly nineties-style cinematic gems, where the basic plotline goes something like guy meets girl/guy likes girl/guy discovers girl has two illegitimate but perfectly charming children/guy proceeds to 'woo' said girl but is interrupted by discovery of charred corpses in local hot springs, and, later on, explosion of volcano situated on edge of town where story is taking place.
oh. so good. so so good.
and it wasnt just the ridiculously over-acted storyline. i think the fact that the movie also featured an eleven year old boy driving a car, a lake being transformed into pure acid, the complete destruction of the town within the first 40 minutes, and a mangy half-starved dog somehow able to escape from a house surrounded by liquid hot magma that put the icing on the cake.
i also loved the moment where, upon the initial explosion of the volcano, several cars parked outside the towns high school spontaneously burst into flame. completely understandable, of course.
whatever. now im sitting here, watching old prison break re-runs and drooling over wentworth, thinking its probably time that i got up and had a shower.
oh. wentworth just came back on the screen.
maybe five more minutes.

catch up

so.
its been a while since i could be bothered to drag my sorry butt over to the computer and re-count the ridiculously exaggerated events that take place in my life.
therefore i give you, a summary:

• lake mac

which basically involved 11 insane teenage girls inhabiting a house for a week, and attempting to make as much noise, eat as much chocolate, sunbake for as many hours, dance as many dances and watch as many chic flicks as possible. excellent

• schoolies

terrible nachos. melbourne boys. sunbaking. sauna. naked julia. wet and wild. channel v. all nighters. piercings. the best time of our lives.

• i got a job

for a week. but still. i dont think any of us imagined i would join the wonderful world of work after that stint at bakers delight (although working at a bakery did allow me to think of what is possibly my most ingenious creation to date: chocolate chip scones dipped in icing, rolled in sprinkles and microwaved for 15 seconds. bliss)

• new phone?

yes. yes! well no, not yet. but on thursday (thursday the day which is like any other normal day and has nothing to do with results WHATSOEVER) possibly i may actually come into possession of a phone that actually functions.

thats it. apart from OHMIGOSH the fact that there is now A PRISON BREAK RIDE at luna park.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

shower thoughts #25

oh my gosh.
oh my gosh.

uai
UAI
UAI

also. gossip girl might just be one of the best shows ever.

top ten

Top Ten things we've learnt from watching Home and Away

10. It is always summer in Australia

9. If there is a party on the beach, everyone will be drunk within 8 minutes of arrival

8. If you live in Summer Bay and happen to stumble upon some legal troubles, there is no need to worry, because the sister of the surf club president is always coincidentally in town whenever somebody goes to court, and she is a judge

7. It is perfectly normal for devastating cyclones to target (and destroy only) specific beach towns

6. If somebody new arrives in town, it is most likely that they are either related to you, or a convicted murderer

5. Paralysis can be easily overcome, as long as your nurse is an attractive single mother who desperately needs protection from her violent ex-husband

4. One night stands always result in pregnancy

3. If you have a twin sister who doesn't really look like you, its probably because she and your actual twin were accidentally switched at birth

2. Don’t get married. You will either divorce, be shot and killed by a crazy drug addict, or fail to turn up to the wedding at all

and the number one thing we've learned from watching home and away???

1. There’s no need to fear death. In all likeliness, you’ll just come back to life in a few weeks anyway

oh yeah and i forgot to say...

i finished that hsc
yay me!

so that's where i get it from

so catherine and i just got back from lane cove, and i came upstairs to find my mother (about whose crazy antics im sure you've all heard by now) wrapped in a blanket, sitting on the couch watching some ancient movie which wouldn't have held my attention for more than one second apart from the fact that its about prison, and anybody who's anybody knows that anything about prison will catch my eye on account of the fact that prison break (starring wentworth miller, more commonly known as my future husband) is my all time favourite show. of all time. ever.

anyway. after a few more seconds i realise this movie isnt just about prison.
its about breaking out of prison.
a prison BREAK, if you may.

huh? huh?
this needed investigation:

jacki: (innocently) oh, so whats this you're watching?
mum: The Great Escape
jacki: it looks old
mum: it is old
jacki: whats it about?
mum: its about a group of americans who escape from a german prisoner of war camp during the second world war...wait maybe a mixture of british and americans. anyway. its, like, the best movie ever. AND its got steve mcqueen in it!
jacki: who?
mum: steve mcqueen
jacki: who's that?
mum: (sounding outraged that i dont know) a famous actor!
jacki: is he good looking?
mum: please. he's like the Wentworth Miller of the 1970's

ok.
ok.
OH
MY
GOSH

MY MUM HAS A WENTWORTH MILLER?
more importantly...
MY MUM KNOWS WHO WENTWORTH MILLER IS???
on second thought, i suppose thats actually a given, considering how much i talk about him, especially (for some reason) at the dinner table.
but still...
is this where i got that burning passion that resides deep within my loins, telling me that wentworth and i were made for each other? from my MOTHER?!
who knew family discussion time could be so entertaining?
of course i had to correct my mum straight away
you know, because you cant just go around saying someone is the wentworth miller of the seventies or whatever.
you cant compare regular people to wentworth. he's just too amazing.

why why why is it that im so close to the end, yet it still feels a dillion years away???
probably because i spend more time looking at the clock and listening to crappy music from the 80's than i do studying.
WHATEVER
shouldnt my lack of knowledge and utter panic that ill get into the final exam and be able to think of nothing but the fact that Wentworth Miller's middle name is Earl (Earl. ahaha) make the hours go faster? or at least more bareable???
who am i kidding. nothing is bareable when im stuck in here attempting to memorise the methodology of Thucydides and catherine is sitting on the other side of the door watching Will Ferrell movies and eating chinese food for lunch.
...
i wonder how long it will take me to figure out exactly how many hours i have left until i finish the HSC. maybe by the time i work it out it will be time to go to bed, and ill be that much closer to the finish line.
ok here goes..
...
...
damn i finished already! and it only took...DAMMIT! one minute and 14 seconds! are you kidding me??!!
if only it werent for the technology of calculators and such, id probably be struggling with remainders and carrying the one or whatever for at least an hour. but oh no. some genius had to go invent a calculator. thanks alot.

how ironic that i wasnt really that big of a procrastinator until the HSC actually started.
ok i lied. i was always a procrastinator.
but, as i sit here and, rather than doing something studious like reading about Pompeii and Herculaneum in the pre-79AD era, flip between old re-runs of Gilmore Girls and that terrible scene in High School Musical 2 where Troy dances on the golf course, i realise ive officially sunk to a new level of procrastination.
and let me tell you, it feels phenomenal.
possibly even better than the liberation that came from watching 'Prison Break with RUBBER DUCKS' on youtube the night before my hsc maths exam.

yeah. actually that probably wasnt the best idea. still. its always useful to have something to replay over and over in your mind should you finish an exam 15 minutes early.

blah blah blah, i cant be bothered to type anything else and since i doubt any of you will read this until the HSC is officially over, by which time we all would have died of old age, nobody will suffer from my lack of blog.
at least hopefully not
until next time!

Shower Thoughts #24

Which is more concerning?

The fact that I care more about whether or not Sara will die on the next episode of Prison Break than the HSC, or the fact that I think I have nothing better to do than ask myself this question?

prison break

proving, one again, that my favourite show isnt just the best show on television because of my future husband:

oh. oh.

sensational

hmmm
basically im just killing time until Heroes comes on, which is officially like, my 4th favourite tv show, even though there are now so many characters (several of whom dont even speak english) that it doesnt really make sense anymore.
like i care! did i stop watching Lost after that polar bear appeared for the third time without explanation? i most certainly did not!
anyway the point is, ive had a fairly not-so-great night, mostly on account of the fact that as i was enjoying my shower just 20 minutes ago, mother nature decided to kick me in the crotch, and a thunderstorm started.
...
which might not sound like a big deal, but anybody who knows me knows very well that there are few things on this earth that freak me out more than thunder. one of them is giant cockroaches, and the other is my sister Catherine during one of her rage blackouts. but apart from those, thunderstorms are the worst.
so as soon as the thunder started, my plan to dance-the-time-til-heroes-away-in-the-shower-with-the-help-of-my-trusty-dolphin-shaped-shower-radio was immediately thwarted, and the only thing left to do was run out of the shower, dry myself as quickly as possible, grab the dog from where he was cowering in fear under the coffee table, and my computer, and get under the doona in my bed, where im currently writing this blog.

argh! more thunder!
and theres still 16 minutes til Heroes.

bogon moths

Jacki: (panting) mum! mum! you know those crazy-freaky moths you love so much???
Mum: (sighs) I dont love them, i just think they're nice
Jacki: whatever! what're they called again?
Mum: Bogon moths?
Jacki: I just got attacked by one!
Mum: You got attacked by one??!!
Jacki: Yeah!! In the shower!
Mum: What?
Jacki: Yeah! I dont know what happened! Everything was going great, i was shampooing, you know how i love shampooing, and all of a sudden, there it was! Buzzing around my head like one of those giant flying nazguls from Lord of the Rings. Ok. I've got to stop watching Lord of the Rings. But still!
Mum: Hmm. Thats nice.
Jacki: Hello??!! Did you not hear me? The buzzing? The freaking out? The shampooing interruption? The Lord of the Rings reference? - and i know how much you hate those.
Mum: Jacki its just a moth
Jacki: Just a moth? JUST a moth? I dont think so!
Mum: (sounding bored) Is that so, hmmm
Jacki: I'm telling you, it was huge. Bigger than huge. Colossal! Bigger than colossal! Gigantor!
Mum: (teasing) Not bigger than gigantor?
Jacki: MUM!
Mum: Just go finish your shower
Jacki: Oh no. I cant go back in there now! In fact, i may not ever be able to go back in there! I'm telling you, I havent been this scared of showers since I saw Psycho
Mum: You've never seen Psycho
Jacki: No, but i saw the dvd cover in blockbuster this one time, and i -
Mum: Just go and finish your shower!
Jacki: No! Ok, i havent been this scared of showers...ever!
Mum: What about the time you thought funnel web spiders lived in the sewers and one was going to crawl up the drain and bite the bottom of your foot while you were in the shower?
Jacki: Ok, apart from that.
Mum: What about the time you were afraid to have hot showers in case the mirror steamed up and the ghosts would be able to write threatening notes to you on it?
Jacki: Mum, come on, I was 8!
Mum: What about the time you were convinced that every time you closed your eyes in the shower, the freaky naked princess murderer from Thirteen Ghosts would appear and try to kill you?
Jacki: Enough woman! Look all im saying is i dont think you should be so loving towards those moths anymore, since one of them tried to kill your only daughter
Catherine: Hey!
Jacki: Sorry. Favourite daughter.
Mum: Fine
Jacki: Fine
Mum: Fine
Jacki: Fine!

..
the most pathetic thing about me is: the highlight of my week was being attacked by a moth in the shower.

so
as of this moment, im lying on my bed, watching my cat snuggle into the green pillows on my window box, ignoring the disgustingly hot gale-force winds outside which will probably rip the roof off my house at any second, and thinking about how sucky is it that i only have 8 minutes and 40 seconds left of 'study break time'.

ew.
ew.
i loath the HSC with every fibre of my being.

stu vac or whatever the proper terminology for this crappy excuse of a holiday is

ok. ok. ok
first of all, its been way too long since i sat down at my computer and typed out anything that was in no way related to the HSC.
ok, i lied.
its been too long since i sat down at my computer and typed out anything.
that wasnt to do with wentworth miller.
or prison break.
or the fact that i am in love with wentworth miller.
and prison break.
...
whatever.
and second of all, i think you should all take your hands off the mouse or keys or screen (should you have some weird fetish where you have to touch the screen of your computer) and give a round of applaus.
applause? aplause?
and clap.
because this week something incredible happened. I ACTUALLY DID STUDY!
i know its hard to believe, but its the truth. in between the sunbaking, the trips to lane cove shops, the prison break/lord of the rings/crappy horror movie marathons and constant dashes across the road for more jelly beans and red bull, i managed to sit down and write out some notes.

whether or not i actually retained any of that information? well, only the moment where i sit down to my first exam (english? thats just cruel), open the booklet and have a mental breakdown will tell.
oh. home and away.
until next time!