ok so the reason i was falling asleep for pretty much all of today is because last night my darling sister decided to ignore me for pretty much the whole evening, and then start paying attention to me just as i was going to bed (which was nice and early by the way, so that i could be petal fresh for extension history the next morning).
so it was about 11, and i was climbing into my warm inviting bed and had just settled down to continue the couragous adventures of harry potter when this thing jumps onto me and the following conversation ensued:
jacki: what the hell?
catherine: im bored. lets talk.
jacki: no, i have extension history tomorrow and im already failing dismally
catherine: ew extension history, ew, why do you even do that
jacki: im going to sleep now
catherine: no! wait! five minutes, please?
jacki: five minutes. thats it.
(five minutes later)
jacki: ok thats it, get out.
catherine: no!
jacki: come on catherine.
catherine: no!
jacki: get out of my bed or i'll rip your face off
catherine: just five more minutes, please?
jacki: ok five minutes, then im putting my foot down.
(thirty-five minutes later)
catherine: so whatever happened to putting your foot down?
jacki: shut up
(twenty minutes later)
jacki: (sitting up) ok catherine, time to go.
catherine: never! (pushing me back down)
jacki: ow!
catherine: how could that possibly have hurt?
jacki: I hit my head on harry potter!
catherine: what the hell are you doing reading harry potter
jacki: shut up, he's the coolest!
catherine: whatever
..anyway the harry-potter-is-cool-no-he-isnt-um-yes-he-is conversation eventually led to the why-is-that-girl-who-plays-hermione-such-a-bad-actor conversation, which led to the when-will-sarah-and-michael-hook-up-on-prison-break conversation, which led to the oh-mi-gosh-its-only-tuesday-night-and-im-already-dead conversation, which led to the what-the-hell-are-you-still-doing-in-my-bedroom conversation, and by the time i fell asleep it was time to wake up and go to history extension.
and that is why my sister is now decomposing under our house.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
the invisible man, ivan milat, and myself
so i just finished watching supernatural, and suprise suprise, i had no clue what was going on most of the time, probably because i kept leaving the tv to get food and whatnot.
I mean can you blame me? If im going to watch people get mauled to death by freakish chainsaw-weilding ghosts, im going to do it with some food dammit.
anyway.
the main reason i came to blog is because i totally forgot to blog about my dream last night.
pfft. dream.
more like NIGHTMARE.
wow.
that was so dramatic.
anyway, gather round children and i will tell you a tale.
So in my dream/nightmare, i was a girl (like i am in real life), and i was Kate from Lost. thats right. Does anyone even watch Lost anymore except me? Probably not. Oh well. Anyway, so I was Kate, and these two guys, also from Lost (Jack and Sawyer for anyone who is actually still following me here), were with me, and basically it was our job to find these freakish people who were hiding in this building that we were in, which was like a newpaper office or something, I dono, it was some big room filled with lifts and people and paper and computers and lots of talking talking talking.
Anyway we were working our way around the building, and eventually we discovered that there were three people that we had to do something to, and they were this man who could turn invisible (lets call him The Invisible Man), this lady who could split herself in two, so there were like two of her (lets call her Double Lady), and Ivan Milat (lets call him Ivan Milat). Anyway, I dont even know what we had to do, because I was just as clueless in this dream as i am in real life, possibly even more so, so basically i was just following Jack and Sawyer around and trying to distract myself from the fact that Ivan Milat had worked his way into my nightmares.
Anyway suddenly we were in this lift, and it was going down to the bottom level of St Leonards train station (which we were now in by the way. keep up), and The Invisible Man was in the lift with us, only nobody could see him, because he had turned himself invisible. But we could see him.
How did that work?
Anyway back to the dream, suddenly me and Jack and Sawyer had this piece of paper, I don't know what it was because I was only Kate and obviously Jack and Sawyer are much more capable of handling pieces of paper than me, but apparently The Invisible Man and Double Lady and Ivan Milat had to get it off us. So we got out of the lift and Jack and Sawyer are all "run!", and i was all like "i dont think i will", so for some weird reason i decided to lie down on the platform.
Anyway The Invisible Man grabbed me and threw me on the train tracks so that i was lying in the small space just between where the trains went, and Jack and Sawyer didnt even notice so they kept running (thanks guys), anyway and then a train started coming and i was like "dude this will probably hurt", and the train was about to run over me when i woke up.
so either i have a subconcious fear of trains or ivan milat is coming to get me.
but probably both.
the end!
I mean can you blame me? If im going to watch people get mauled to death by freakish chainsaw-weilding ghosts, im going to do it with some food dammit.
anyway.
the main reason i came to blog is because i totally forgot to blog about my dream last night.
pfft. dream.
more like NIGHTMARE.
wow.
that was so dramatic.
anyway, gather round children and i will tell you a tale.
So in my dream/nightmare, i was a girl (like i am in real life), and i was Kate from Lost. thats right. Does anyone even watch Lost anymore except me? Probably not. Oh well. Anyway, so I was Kate, and these two guys, also from Lost (Jack and Sawyer for anyone who is actually still following me here), were with me, and basically it was our job to find these freakish people who were hiding in this building that we were in, which was like a newpaper office or something, I dono, it was some big room filled with lifts and people and paper and computers and lots of talking talking talking.
Anyway we were working our way around the building, and eventually we discovered that there were three people that we had to do something to, and they were this man who could turn invisible (lets call him The Invisible Man), this lady who could split herself in two, so there were like two of her (lets call her Double Lady), and Ivan Milat (lets call him Ivan Milat). Anyway, I dont even know what we had to do, because I was just as clueless in this dream as i am in real life, possibly even more so, so basically i was just following Jack and Sawyer around and trying to distract myself from the fact that Ivan Milat had worked his way into my nightmares.
Anyway suddenly we were in this lift, and it was going down to the bottom level of St Leonards train station (which we were now in by the way. keep up), and The Invisible Man was in the lift with us, only nobody could see him, because he had turned himself invisible. But we could see him.
How did that work?
Anyway back to the dream, suddenly me and Jack and Sawyer had this piece of paper, I don't know what it was because I was only Kate and obviously Jack and Sawyer are much more capable of handling pieces of paper than me, but apparently The Invisible Man and Double Lady and Ivan Milat had to get it off us. So we got out of the lift and Jack and Sawyer are all "run!", and i was all like "i dont think i will", so for some weird reason i decided to lie down on the platform.
Anyway The Invisible Man grabbed me and threw me on the train tracks so that i was lying in the small space just between where the trains went, and Jack and Sawyer didnt even notice so they kept running (thanks guys), anyway and then a train started coming and i was like "dude this will probably hurt", and the train was about to run over me when i woke up.
so either i have a subconcious fear of trains or ivan milat is coming to get me.
but probably both.
the end!
wikipedia the worlds biggest suck
ok you know what?
i decided the most annoying thing in the world is when you spend your whole ancient lesson writing a wikipedia page about how you are pretty much the coolest person ever, and then you realise that you have no idea where it is or what the title is or how to edit it, and the only thing you do realise is that wikipedia is a giant gay gypsy and should just go die in a hole on the side of the road, even though it wasnt alive in the first place.
which is hardly the point.
maybe the guy who invented alice-bot can make a wikipedia-bot so i can bully it until it cries.
those robots are so annoying. stab.
stab stab.
one day im going to go on a roadtrip to where ever alice bot is and stab her. he. it.
and also the person who invented alice bot. ill stab them too. after they make the wikipedia-bot, which i am also going to stab.
ok so as i was writing this, my mum came in and read it over my shoulder and goes...
"are you alright?"
and im like yes.
and shes like.
"well, its just a bit weird isnt it?" (pointing to the screen).
fools. fools all.
and you know what else is the most annoying thing in the world is that i have this new computer with some Vista thing on it, so the internet layout is all different so i may as well be staring at a poo with a toothpick sticking out of it, because i have no clue how to do anything.
damn it Vista! you'll pay. with your body.
i decided the most annoying thing in the world is when you spend your whole ancient lesson writing a wikipedia page about how you are pretty much the coolest person ever, and then you realise that you have no idea where it is or what the title is or how to edit it, and the only thing you do realise is that wikipedia is a giant gay gypsy and should just go die in a hole on the side of the road, even though it wasnt alive in the first place.
which is hardly the point.
maybe the guy who invented alice-bot can make a wikipedia-bot so i can bully it until it cries.
those robots are so annoying. stab.
stab stab.
one day im going to go on a roadtrip to where ever alice bot is and stab her. he. it.
and also the person who invented alice bot. ill stab them too. after they make the wikipedia-bot, which i am also going to stab.
ok so as i was writing this, my mum came in and read it over my shoulder and goes...
"are you alright?"
and im like yes.
and shes like.
"well, its just a bit weird isnt it?" (pointing to the screen).
fools. fools all.
and you know what else is the most annoying thing in the world is that i have this new computer with some Vista thing on it, so the internet layout is all different so i may as well be staring at a poo with a toothpick sticking out of it, because i have no clue how to do anything.
damn it Vista! you'll pay. with your body.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Shower Thoughts #20
shut up avril lavigne
you know why? because you're a mole.
and also
that song girlfriend sucks hairy balls
hairy hairy balls.
in a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
coz i can, coz i can do it better
theres no other, so whens it gonna sink in
shes so stupid
what the hell were you thinking?
AVRIL LAVIGNE (or however you spell it)
you suck!
first of all,
why would any man dump his girlfriend for some girl who insults his relationship choices?
why?
why why why?
and second of all, YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED!!!
what reason do you have for runnning around and stealing the only men left for everyone else who isnt a giant mole? what reason avril? huh? huh? why so quiet peppy?
ugh
ive been harbouring this rage toward avril lavigne for a very long time.
you know why? because you're a mole.
and also
that song girlfriend sucks hairy balls
hairy hairy balls.
in a second you'll be wrapped around my finger
coz i can, coz i can do it better
theres no other, so whens it gonna sink in
shes so stupid
what the hell were you thinking?
AVRIL LAVIGNE (or however you spell it)
you suck!
first of all,
why would any man dump his girlfriend for some girl who insults his relationship choices?
why?
why why why?
and second of all, YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED!!!
what reason do you have for runnning around and stealing the only men left for everyone else who isnt a giant mole? what reason avril? huh? huh? why so quiet peppy?
ugh
ive been harbouring this rage toward avril lavigne for a very long time.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
anzac day
anzac day today, and in the true spirit of mateship, loyalty, courage and all that stuff, catherine and i had another argument which i thought i should tell you about
(standing at the lane cove anzac day service)
jacki: (whispering) Hey, who are the people that march in this parade?
catherine: Like the boy scouts?
jacki: No, i mean like, usually there are old people
catherine: Yeah, its the people that fought in the war
jacki: But havent they all died? It was like world war one
catherine: (laughing) World war two idiot!
jacki: (confused) No, anzac day is world war one
catherine: No it isnt (still laughs)
jacki: Yes it is, its about Gallipoli. You look like the biggest fool now.
catherine: Yeah...
jacki: Which was world war one! I think I would know! I've been trying to prevent my head from exploding because of it, for the last two weeks!
catherine: What?
jacki: Modern
catherine: No, Im saying that the world war two people are marching for the world war one people
jacki: What?
catherine: Because they're all dead!
jacki: I know! IM the one that said that!
catherine: No you didnt!
jacki: What?!
catherine: You suck!
jacki: Mum, is anzac day world war one or two?
mum: Well it celebrates both, but it started in world war one
jacki and catherine: HA!
jacki: What are you ha-ing at, I won!
catherine: No you didnt, I did!
jacki: No, I was saying that anzac day is originally world war one
catherine: No, you were saying that all the world war one people were dead!
jacki: I thught you said I didnt say that!
catherine: Whatever. I was saying that the world war two people march for them
jacki: No you werent!! You were saying that anzac day started in world war two!!
catherine: Whatever. you lose.
jacki: No i dont!!
...
OHMIGOSH..
fool
(standing at the lane cove anzac day service)
jacki: (whispering) Hey, who are the people that march in this parade?
catherine: Like the boy scouts?
jacki: No, i mean like, usually there are old people
catherine: Yeah, its the people that fought in the war
jacki: But havent they all died? It was like world war one
catherine: (laughing) World war two idiot!
jacki: (confused) No, anzac day is world war one
catherine: No it isnt (still laughs)
jacki: Yes it is, its about Gallipoli. You look like the biggest fool now.
catherine: Yeah...
jacki: Which was world war one! I think I would know! I've been trying to prevent my head from exploding because of it, for the last two weeks!
catherine: What?
jacki: Modern
catherine: No, Im saying that the world war two people are marching for the world war one people
jacki: What?
catherine: Because they're all dead!
jacki: I know! IM the one that said that!
catherine: No you didnt!
jacki: What?!
catherine: You suck!
jacki: Mum, is anzac day world war one or two?
mum: Well it celebrates both, but it started in world war one
jacki and catherine: HA!
jacki: What are you ha-ing at, I won!
catherine: No you didnt, I did!
jacki: No, I was saying that anzac day is originally world war one
catherine: No, you were saying that all the world war one people were dead!
jacki: I thught you said I didnt say that!
catherine: Whatever. I was saying that the world war two people march for them
jacki: No you werent!! You were saying that anzac day started in world war two!!
catherine: Whatever. you lose.
jacki: No i dont!!
...
OHMIGOSH..
fool
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Ode to Gemma
Gemma is cool
She totally rules
She never drools
She goes to my school
Gemma is wack
No hair on her back
She likes a good snack
And gives a good dack
Gemma is hot
She doesnt smoke pot
Her blood doesnt clot
I love her alot
Gemma is fun
She bakes in the sun
She isnt a nun
Like steel is her bun
Gemma can dance
Dance in her pants
Listen to my rants
Marry a prince named Lance
Gemma is hot.
xoxo
annoyances
ok so today i woke at 12, refreshed and ready to get ready and catch the bus to school where we were planning on having a lovely afternoon of studying modern, so i could stop failing so terribly and actually begin to understand something in modern, a long shot i know, but hey, it was worth a shot
anyway id just gotten dressed and put on mascara and everything and i was actually having a good hair day, something which happens so infrequently that i cant remember the last time it happened since im pretty sure i was still in my mothers womb, and then the fone rings.
...
you heard me right
the fone
it rang.
so i frolicked downstairs in a fit of excitement about the fact that i was about to make the journey to school to do some modern (weird i know, but i find myself having cravings sometimes, i think its because our class is so sexy), answering the fone in my most ladylike voice, and low and behold, fund myself talking to miss shanahan, who explained that we would NOT be doing any modern today because she had synesitis and was forced to go home.
wait.
what?
(it took me a moment to get over the fact that SHE was actually calling ME. i always thought it would be the other way around, should i somehow, someday manage to get my hands on her phone number. i also always thought that beth and casey would be with me, and we would be putting on a male voice, and giggling uncontrollably.)
anyway
so yes
not only do i now know officially nothing about what i am supposed to know about for the modern exam, im also annoyed because i saw NOBODY today which means that NOBODY shared my good hair day, and i probably wont have another one for another 17 years.
death.
DEATH!
anyway id just gotten dressed and put on mascara and everything and i was actually having a good hair day, something which happens so infrequently that i cant remember the last time it happened since im pretty sure i was still in my mothers womb, and then the fone rings.
...
you heard me right
the fone
it rang.
so i frolicked downstairs in a fit of excitement about the fact that i was about to make the journey to school to do some modern (weird i know, but i find myself having cravings sometimes, i think its because our class is so sexy), answering the fone in my most ladylike voice, and low and behold, fund myself talking to miss shanahan, who explained that we would NOT be doing any modern today because she had synesitis and was forced to go home.
wait.
what?
(it took me a moment to get over the fact that SHE was actually calling ME. i always thought it would be the other way around, should i somehow, someday manage to get my hands on her phone number. i also always thought that beth and casey would be with me, and we would be putting on a male voice, and giggling uncontrollably.)
anyway
so yes
not only do i now know officially nothing about what i am supposed to know about for the modern exam, im also annoyed because i saw NOBODY today which means that NOBODY shared my good hair day, and i probably wont have another one for another 17 years.
death.
DEATH!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
so philosophical
just something ive been pondering for a while...
what is the opposite of bald?
and i know what you're thinking.
well you're wrong.
its not hairy
its NOT.
hairy alludes to the fact that you have hair all over your body, not just on your head. if someone has a full head of hair, you dont say to them "hey, your head is really hairy."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
and when someone doesnt have a really hairy body, like any normal person, you dont say to them "hey your body is really bald."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
so what is it? what is it? where did it come from?
i thought every word had to have an opposite! well there goes my faith in the english language! not that ive had any since the first time i failed an english assessment.
but still.
whatever.
...
...
hairful?
what is the opposite of bald?
and i know what you're thinking.
well you're wrong.
its not hairy
its NOT.
hairy alludes to the fact that you have hair all over your body, not just on your head. if someone has a full head of hair, you dont say to them "hey, your head is really hairy."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
and when someone doesnt have a really hairy body, like any normal person, you dont say to them "hey your body is really bald."
ok.
no.
you just dont do that.
so what is it? what is it? where did it come from?
i thought every word had to have an opposite! well there goes my faith in the english language! not that ive had any since the first time i failed an english assessment.
but still.
whatever.
...
...
hairful?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
why wholemeal bread sucks ass
umm
so today i had finished studying, being my studious self, so i went downstairs to get some lunch.
you heard me. lunch
so anyway i decided to have some toast. lovely toast. how delightful.
well actually NO it was not so delightful on account of the fact that as soon as i pushed the toaster-button-thingie down, i realised
GASP
no!
IT WAS WHOLEMEAL BREAD!!
how can this be? why would this be? my mum KNOWS i hate wholemeal bread, why would she possibly have any reason to buy wholemeal bread and tie the bag with the same blue tie as she does the white bread, and put it in the same place in the pantry she doesnt the white bread!!!
WHYYYYY
so anyway after i got over the initial shock of the fact that i almost consumed wholemeal bread, i found that lucky little me, there was still one piece of white bread left in the white bread bag in the pantry, so i could still have the wonderful wonderful whitebread-toast-ish lunch i had dreamed of.
so i took the piece of white bread and lovingly put it in the toaster, and was about to push down the toaster-button-thingie when i recieved another shock...
...
ok...
THERE WAS MOULD ALONG THE TOP OF THE BREAD
my piece of bread
MY PIECE OF BREAD
the ONLY PIECE OF WHITE BREAD LEFT IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND IT HAS MOULD ON IT AND THE ONLY THING THAT MAYBE EVEN COMES CLOSE TO DISGUSTING ME AS MUCH AS WHOLEMEAL BREAD IS MOULD.
what is this? some kind of sick joke? natures way of forcing me to be healthy? well it wont work i tell you! i have to stand strong! defend myself against salad and wholemeal and, gasp, dare i say it...low gi!
sigh.
so anyway i had to resort to eating some other crappy lunch which was so crappy that i cant even remember what it was.
and now i have to go to the shops because im still craving for white bread and if i dont have any in the next ten seconds i will probably die.
so there you have it.
death to wholemeal
so today i had finished studying, being my studious self, so i went downstairs to get some lunch.
you heard me. lunch
so anyway i decided to have some toast. lovely toast. how delightful.
well actually NO it was not so delightful on account of the fact that as soon as i pushed the toaster-button-thingie down, i realised
GASP
no!
IT WAS WHOLEMEAL BREAD!!
how can this be? why would this be? my mum KNOWS i hate wholemeal bread, why would she possibly have any reason to buy wholemeal bread and tie the bag with the same blue tie as she does the white bread, and put it in the same place in the pantry she doesnt the white bread!!!
WHYYYYY
so anyway after i got over the initial shock of the fact that i almost consumed wholemeal bread, i found that lucky little me, there was still one piece of white bread left in the white bread bag in the pantry, so i could still have the wonderful wonderful whitebread-toast-ish lunch i had dreamed of.
so i took the piece of white bread and lovingly put it in the toaster, and was about to push down the toaster-button-thingie when i recieved another shock...
...
ok...
THERE WAS MOULD ALONG THE TOP OF THE BREAD
my piece of bread
MY PIECE OF BREAD
the ONLY PIECE OF WHITE BREAD LEFT IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE AND IT HAS MOULD ON IT AND THE ONLY THING THAT MAYBE EVEN COMES CLOSE TO DISGUSTING ME AS MUCH AS WHOLEMEAL BREAD IS MOULD.
what is this? some kind of sick joke? natures way of forcing me to be healthy? well it wont work i tell you! i have to stand strong! defend myself against salad and wholemeal and, gasp, dare i say it...low gi!
sigh.
so anyway i had to resort to eating some other crappy lunch which was so crappy that i cant even remember what it was.
and now i have to go to the shops because im still craving for white bread and if i dont have any in the next ten seconds i will probably die.
so there you have it.
death to wholemeal
Sunday, April 15, 2007
old people
yet more proof that old people have pretty much no clue (no offense jimi)
the following conversation took place today in the car:
jacki: (commenting on the weather) Its so hot! Milk was a bad choice!
mum: What was a bad choice?
jacki: Milk
mum: ....What?
jacki: Milk. Milk was a bad choice.
mum: What does that mean?
jacki: Nothing, its just a joke from a movie.
mum: oh ok...So whats wrong with the milk?
jacki: Nothing mum, its just a joke.
mum: I dont understand
jacki: Mum! its just a joke from a movie! I was just commenting on the heat!
mum: Do i need to get more milk?
jacki: OH MY GOSH!
mum: Well, you said -
jacki: Ok just forget i said anything!
see? see what i mean??!!!
totally clueless.
the following conversation took place today in the car:
jacki: (commenting on the weather) Its so hot! Milk was a bad choice!
mum: What was a bad choice?
jacki: Milk
mum: ....What?
jacki: Milk. Milk was a bad choice.
mum: What does that mean?
jacki: Nothing, its just a joke from a movie.
mum: oh ok...So whats wrong with the milk?
jacki: Nothing mum, its just a joke.
mum: I dont understand
jacki: Mum! its just a joke from a movie! I was just commenting on the heat!
mum: Do i need to get more milk?
jacki: OH MY GOSH!
mum: Well, you said -
jacki: Ok just forget i said anything!
see? see what i mean??!!!
totally clueless.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
abe
so, this being the holidays and all, what i should have done today would probably involve lots of sun and shopping, laughter and fun, general good-times-being-had kind of thing, you know, except that because we're now in year 12 and actually have to start listening and learning in school (where did that come from?), i had to somehow figure out how to get in 6 hours of study as well as going to school from 10 til 3 to attend the 'dt day'.
ew
ew
ew
needless to say i barely made 2 hours of study, and spent the entire time at school weeping over the fact that i have to individually hand stitch three hundred and twenty five million beads onto my dress, at the same time as trying to figure out a way to stab myself in the heart with my needle just hard enough so that i never have to so much as look at another bead again, but not hard enough that i actually die.
the highlight of the day was probably my weekly perve on wentworth miller during prison break. I dont understand why people dont think that manly man beast of a manly man isnt hot. so his nose is a little crooked.
so what?
so is mine.
we'll match.
probably more disturbing is the fact that some people find the old old old man who plays his brother more hot.
more hot i tell you
the man catherine and i have nicknamed 'abe'.
abe.
abe.
as in old.
because you know, all old people are called abe.
i really dont see why they have to make hot hot hot wentworth miller the character with the whole body suit tattoo freakish thing, thus forcing him to wear long sleeved tops at all times, when ew ew ew abe is the one running around with his shirt half undone the whole time
THE WHOLE TIME
why why why would they do that to me?
and as if he wouldnt find that annoying. you're trying to run away from the police half naked, for crying out loud.
and also YOU'RE HURTING MY EYES.
...
im pretty sure he shaves his chest anyway, so i should just smack his bottom. or rather, get someone else to do it for me since touching anything that old and saggy would make me projectile vomit myself into another universe.
well i hope youve all enjoyed another rant about pretty much nothing, just me, and my pointless arguments and observations that never get anyone anywhere.
why are you reading this! go study!
ew
ew
ew
needless to say i barely made 2 hours of study, and spent the entire time at school weeping over the fact that i have to individually hand stitch three hundred and twenty five million beads onto my dress, at the same time as trying to figure out a way to stab myself in the heart with my needle just hard enough so that i never have to so much as look at another bead again, but not hard enough that i actually die.
the highlight of the day was probably my weekly perve on wentworth miller during prison break. I dont understand why people dont think that manly man beast of a manly man isnt hot. so his nose is a little crooked.
so what?
so is mine.
we'll match.
probably more disturbing is the fact that some people find the old old old man who plays his brother more hot.
more hot i tell you
the man catherine and i have nicknamed 'abe'.
abe.
abe.
as in old.
because you know, all old people are called abe.
i really dont see why they have to make hot hot hot wentworth miller the character with the whole body suit tattoo freakish thing, thus forcing him to wear long sleeved tops at all times, when ew ew ew abe is the one running around with his shirt half undone the whole time
THE WHOLE TIME
why why why would they do that to me?
and as if he wouldnt find that annoying. you're trying to run away from the police half naked, for crying out loud.
and also YOU'RE HURTING MY EYES.
...
im pretty sure he shaves his chest anyway, so i should just smack his bottom. or rather, get someone else to do it for me since touching anything that old and saggy would make me projectile vomit myself into another universe.
well i hope youve all enjoyed another rant about pretty much nothing, just me, and my pointless arguments and observations that never get anyone anywhere.
why are you reading this! go study!
Monday, April 02, 2007
shut up
so apparently i got home and saw on the news that there was a tsunami warning for most of today?
ok
wait
WHAT?
THERE WAS A TSUNAMI WARNING FOR MOST OF TODAY?
today
TODAY
FOR SYDNEY
TSUNAMI
WARNING
TODAY
SYDNEY
while we were at school
oh dont bother to tell the children. the future generations. the future leaders of this country. the future wifes of ewan mcgregor and hugh jackman.
future wife of ewan and hugh. whatever
so anyway i was so annoyed about that that i didnt even realise what i should actually be really annoyed about which is the fact that IT IS SO FREAKING HARD TO TYPE TSUNAMI.
which i just realised like 3 minutes ago when i was talking to gemma and telling her about the tsunami warning.
and which i confirmed 2 seconds ago when i tried to type 'tsunami warning' and it took me like 4 tries to get it right.
ok
WHO INVENTED THE WORD TSUNAMI?
because whoever it is, im going to smack your bottom so hard it will cause a tsa...a tsom...a sudfb...a tidal wave.
in sydney
and we will be notified WHEN THE WARNING IS ACTUALLY STILL IN PLACE.
and the teenage mutant ninja turtles will save us all.
and maybe that guy from 300 too. he seems kind of ripped.
in an old man kind of way.
whatever. whats really important is that jimi, if you're there, harness all that stalking energy you put towards me, and direct it all towards finding out who invented the word tsunami, and then bringing them to me so that i can slap them silly.
ok
wait
WHAT?
THERE WAS A TSUNAMI WARNING FOR MOST OF TODAY?
today
TODAY
FOR SYDNEY
TSUNAMI
WARNING
TODAY
SYDNEY
while we were at school
oh dont bother to tell the children. the future generations. the future leaders of this country. the future wifes of ewan mcgregor and hugh jackman.
future wife of ewan and hugh. whatever
so anyway i was so annoyed about that that i didnt even realise what i should actually be really annoyed about which is the fact that IT IS SO FREAKING HARD TO TYPE TSUNAMI.
which i just realised like 3 minutes ago when i was talking to gemma and telling her about the tsunami warning.
and which i confirmed 2 seconds ago when i tried to type 'tsunami warning' and it took me like 4 tries to get it right.
ok
WHO INVENTED THE WORD TSUNAMI?
because whoever it is, im going to smack your bottom so hard it will cause a tsa...a tsom...a sudfb...a tidal wave.
in sydney
and we will be notified WHEN THE WARNING IS ACTUALLY STILL IN PLACE.
and the teenage mutant ninja turtles will save us all.
and maybe that guy from 300 too. he seems kind of ripped.
in an old man kind of way.
whatever. whats really important is that jimi, if you're there, harness all that stalking energy you put towards me, and direct it all towards finding out who invented the word tsunami, and then bringing them to me so that i can slap them silly.
Friday, March 30, 2007
notes on a Dame
So anyway, we just got back from seeing Notes on a scandel with me juju sair and laurenzo, and I have to say, even though I did have my doubts, it was pretty good.
First the previews, which are always good (says Lauren). I mean what other time do you get to suss out the other movies, and divide them into which ones you’ll see excitedly, which ones you’ll see grudgingly, and which ones you will just continually mock for the rest of your life.
And then the movie. Probably the best moments were
a) laughing with Julia at all the old people around us who were laughing at the lame grown-up jokes
b) laughing at myself after coming to the sad realisation that I was seeing a movie popular with really old people
And Judi Dench. I mean who doesn’t love a good Judi Dench movie? if theres anyone out there, I don’t know about them. And if I did, then you wouldn’t, because I would have already slapped them to death.
So anyway the movie pretty much confirmed my suspicions that Judi Dench and Mrs Fletcher are the same person. So first I decided that im going to give Mrs Fletcher the nickname ‘Dame’, and then I decided that I’ll never be able to look at Dame the same way again, on account of the fact that when she was transformed into her alter ego, Judi Dench, she was playing this freak-o character who like stalks people until they end up in jail.
So pretty much the next time Dame transforms into her alter ago, she is coming after one of us. Not me.
Ill already be dead since she’ll probably organise my assassination as soon as she catches wind that im calling her Dame.
Yeah.
Assassination.
She can do that you know.
She’s Judi Dench.
First the previews, which are always good (says Lauren). I mean what other time do you get to suss out the other movies, and divide them into which ones you’ll see excitedly, which ones you’ll see grudgingly, and which ones you will just continually mock for the rest of your life.
And then the movie. Probably the best moments were
a) laughing with Julia at all the old people around us who were laughing at the lame grown-up jokes
b) laughing at myself after coming to the sad realisation that I was seeing a movie popular with really old people
And Judi Dench. I mean who doesn’t love a good Judi Dench movie? if theres anyone out there, I don’t know about them. And if I did, then you wouldn’t, because I would have already slapped them to death.
So anyway the movie pretty much confirmed my suspicions that Judi Dench and Mrs Fletcher are the same person. So first I decided that im going to give Mrs Fletcher the nickname ‘Dame’, and then I decided that I’ll never be able to look at Dame the same way again, on account of the fact that when she was transformed into her alter ego, Judi Dench, she was playing this freak-o character who like stalks people until they end up in jail.
So pretty much the next time Dame transforms into her alter ago, she is coming after one of us. Not me.
Ill already be dead since she’ll probably organise my assassination as soon as she catches wind that im calling her Dame.
Yeah.
Assassination.
She can do that you know.
She’s Judi Dench.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
ok so i have this theory
and no, before you say anything, this isnt one of my normal theories that everyone makes fun of, like that theory i have that the end toilet in the year seven bathroom changes every time i go into it, or that theory i have that the voice over lady at the train station is Gretel Killeen, or that theory i have that Gollum lives in my roof space.
its real i tell you
ok
brace yourselves
the history staff...
is trying to kill me.
and i swear it. and not just the normal kind of trying to kill you, you know like the way teachers try to kill their students with homework and assessments and dirty looks.
they are actually coming after me.
like with a knife.
well maybe not a knife. yet.
so it goes like this..first i had a theory that...oh wait a second. just got to the keychange in this song im listening to.
dude
oh dude
that was freaking awesome
ok now where was i?
oh yeah
theyre trying to get me. like i dont know. one day you'll all get to school and i would have been bashed to death with postmodernist articles or something. im pretty sure they could just concentrate the rage that miss shanahan feels toward me and put it into a bottle, then throw it at me like a grenade.
and im not being paranoid either! you havent seen the way t-watty glares formidably in my direction. Oh sure its all fun and games when im making fun of him for bearing resemblance to P Diddy, but he'll get his own on me one day.
...
ironic that i do five units of history when the whole history department is trying to oust me.
and no, before you say anything, this isnt one of my normal theories that everyone makes fun of, like that theory i have that the end toilet in the year seven bathroom changes every time i go into it, or that theory i have that the voice over lady at the train station is Gretel Killeen, or that theory i have that Gollum lives in my roof space.
its real i tell you
ok
brace yourselves
the history staff...
is trying to kill me.
and i swear it. and not just the normal kind of trying to kill you, you know like the way teachers try to kill their students with homework and assessments and dirty looks.
they are actually coming after me.
like with a knife.
well maybe not a knife. yet.
so it goes like this..first i had a theory that...oh wait a second. just got to the keychange in this song im listening to.
dude
oh dude
that was freaking awesome
ok now where was i?
oh yeah
theyre trying to get me. like i dont know. one day you'll all get to school and i would have been bashed to death with postmodernist articles or something. im pretty sure they could just concentrate the rage that miss shanahan feels toward me and put it into a bottle, then throw it at me like a grenade.
and im not being paranoid either! you havent seen the way t-watty glares formidably in my direction. Oh sure its all fun and games when im making fun of him for bearing resemblance to P Diddy, but he'll get his own on me one day.
...
ironic that i do five units of history when the whole history department is trying to oust me.
Monday, March 26, 2007
jimi?
ok i am officially curious
jimi
who ARE you?
besides being the only person on the planet who could possibly be more stalkerish than me (ill take you on buddy), where did you come from??
its like one day, you just appeared, fully formed, from underneath a moist stone.
please
enlighten us
or at least me
i dont know if anyone else is high enough to read this crap
jimi
who ARE you?
besides being the only person on the planet who could possibly be more stalkerish than me (ill take you on buddy), where did you come from??
its like one day, you just appeared, fully formed, from underneath a moist stone.
please
enlighten us
or at least me
i dont know if anyone else is high enough to read this crap
Sunday, March 25, 2007
333rd post!!!
three hundred and thirty third post
lets make it a good one
so i woke up today with the intention of doing some work but ended up doing nothing all day but watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls, eating mint m'n'ms and imagining multiple ways of removing my cats head from her body after she practically shaved my skin off with her claws.
which, ironically, happened as i was trying to clip her nails for her, since, being the loving mother that i am, i didnt want her to develop some heinous hangnail or ingrown toe or whatever other feral diseases you can obtain for having claws that are too long and too dangerous and get used too often to rip jacki's bikinis to shreds.
sigh
so anyway, after i gave up trying to be loving towards my beast of a kitten, i travelled downstairs, where, low and behold, my dad is sitting under his desk trying to connect his new computer to the internet. without much success.
needless to say, he hasnt got any internet, and now our home phones arent working.
probably the highlight of the day was when i shaved my legs. that was pretty good. theres just nothing like the feeling of a freshly shaven leg. unless that leg belongs to a man.
shudder.
lets make it a good one
so i woke up today with the intention of doing some work but ended up doing nothing all day but watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls, eating mint m'n'ms and imagining multiple ways of removing my cats head from her body after she practically shaved my skin off with her claws.
which, ironically, happened as i was trying to clip her nails for her, since, being the loving mother that i am, i didnt want her to develop some heinous hangnail or ingrown toe or whatever other feral diseases you can obtain for having claws that are too long and too dangerous and get used too often to rip jacki's bikinis to shreds.
sigh
so anyway, after i gave up trying to be loving towards my beast of a kitten, i travelled downstairs, where, low and behold, my dad is sitting under his desk trying to connect his new computer to the internet. without much success.
needless to say, he hasnt got any internet, and now our home phones arent working.
probably the highlight of the day was when i shaved my legs. that was pretty good. theres just nothing like the feeling of a freshly shaven leg. unless that leg belongs to a man.
shudder.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Hollie - a dedication
ok hollie since you were so thoroughly dissapointed with my last post and how much i didnt talk about you in it, i present to you..
Hollie - A Dedication
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
with hair so blonde
my memories of you
are always so fond.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
with eyes so blue
your physical appearance
is nothing like poo.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
of tutor group six
we always go crazy
...
...
just for kicks.
Oh Hollie Tinworth,
your wrongs equal zero
you never drink beer-o
you're always so cheer-o
Hollie Tinworth..my hero
exam timetable came out today
ew
do they have this thing, where they type all the requirements into the computer (like maths extension and english extension cannot be on at the same time, music 1 and ancient history cannot be on at the same time, modern history and general maths cannot be on at the same time etc etc), and then add onto the end "Jacki Trew must be thoroughly distrought with her exam timetable?"
i swear
i swear
like every timetable ive ever had in my entire existance has been horrible. horrible. terrible. a travesty to all timetables in existance everywhere.
if timetables were people, and people didnt exist because there was no such thing as people, there were just timetables, the Roseville College timetable would be the outcast of timetables. seriously. People would look at it and say, theyd say "why would we want to be friends with someone so heinous, someone so unjust, someone so blatantly unforgiving and concerned only with causing everyone around them pain".
Maybe im being a bit too dramatic about this
who am i kidding. theres nothing to be but dramatic about this!!
sigh.
ok
enough about timetables. or people. or timetables acting as people
pimetoples?
ew
do they have this thing, where they type all the requirements into the computer (like maths extension and english extension cannot be on at the same time, music 1 and ancient history cannot be on at the same time, modern history and general maths cannot be on at the same time etc etc), and then add onto the end "Jacki Trew must be thoroughly distrought with her exam timetable?"
i swear
i swear
like every timetable ive ever had in my entire existance has been horrible. horrible. terrible. a travesty to all timetables in existance everywhere.
if timetables were people, and people didnt exist because there was no such thing as people, there were just timetables, the Roseville College timetable would be the outcast of timetables. seriously. People would look at it and say, theyd say "why would we want to be friends with someone so heinous, someone so unjust, someone so blatantly unforgiving and concerned only with causing everyone around them pain".
Maybe im being a bit too dramatic about this
who am i kidding. theres nothing to be but dramatic about this!!
sigh.
ok
enough about timetables. or people. or timetables acting as people
pimetoples?
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
im back. and ive got back.
since you all seem to be suffering terribly from a lack of blog (or maybe i just want an excuse to rant madly at everyone in the world over the internet), here it is. a new blog.
hopefully to be followed by more new blogs, unless i stab my computer to death as a result of the stress of modern/ancient/maths assessments, a dt major work, arab-israeli conflict summary sheets, or simply the fact that blogger has changed all around and it took me like four hours to figure out just how to write a freaking post.
ok. enough rant.
what am i talking about. theres never enough rant.
anyway to catch up, im pretty much writing this just for ellen and hollie (there you go hollie, i mentioned you on my blog, clearly this means i love you and will probably end up writing a sonnet about you in my old age) so i can publicly declare how awesome Batman is.
Batman. oh Batman.
Batman, aka Mrs Collins, is truly awesome. My hero. We had weekly high-fives, which rapidly became daily high-fives because i just couldnt get enough of her. She gestures wildly and laughs at my lame jokes and tells me and ellen to "stop doing nothing in dt!!" and im pretty sure she'll end up killing me out of frustration one of these days. She and Miss Mitchell ("mitch") together are such a wonderful wonderful combination that they almost make up for the fact that miss shanahan hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.
except im pretty sure she only pretends to hate me because shes so jealous that there are other teachers who want to be the first ones to have a student (namely me), recieve a silver merit award composed of merits only from them.
well. rant pretty much over. i guess ill be back soon for more rant, probably about something insane, inappropriate and time-wasting like merits or home and away or that whole "why-do-so-many-people-love-george-clooney-i-simply-dont-understand-it" thing.
until then!!
hopefully to be followed by more new blogs, unless i stab my computer to death as a result of the stress of modern/ancient/maths assessments, a dt major work, arab-israeli conflict summary sheets, or simply the fact that blogger has changed all around and it took me like four hours to figure out just how to write a freaking post.
ok. enough rant.
what am i talking about. theres never enough rant.
anyway to catch up, im pretty much writing this just for ellen and hollie (there you go hollie, i mentioned you on my blog, clearly this means i love you and will probably end up writing a sonnet about you in my old age) so i can publicly declare how awesome Batman is.
Batman. oh Batman.
Batman, aka Mrs Collins, is truly awesome. My hero. We had weekly high-fives, which rapidly became daily high-fives because i just couldnt get enough of her. She gestures wildly and laughs at my lame jokes and tells me and ellen to "stop doing nothing in dt!!" and im pretty sure she'll end up killing me out of frustration one of these days. She and Miss Mitchell ("mitch") together are such a wonderful wonderful combination that they almost make up for the fact that miss shanahan hates me with the fire of a thousand suns.
except im pretty sure she only pretends to hate me because shes so jealous that there are other teachers who want to be the first ones to have a student (namely me), recieve a silver merit award composed of merits only from them.
well. rant pretty much over. i guess ill be back soon for more rant, probably about something insane, inappropriate and time-wasting like merits or home and away or that whole "why-do-so-many-people-love-george-clooney-i-simply-dont-understand-it" thing.
until then!!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
back get off the rack
so ohmigosh today me and julia got back from
lord howe which was p0ssibly the best holiday of my life on account of the fact that me and julia met eric bana because he was staying in the same hotel as us, and his kids like loved us (klaus and sophia, we love you too), so we hung out with him for like a week and it was the coolest moment of my life
also he wore a red speedo and bent over in front of me and his ass was like a cm away from my face
i died
more later
jack xx
lord howe which was p0ssibly the best holiday of my life on account of the fact that me and julia met eric bana because he was staying in the same hotel as us, and his kids like loved us (klaus and sophia, we love you too), so we hung out with him for like a week and it was the coolest moment of my life
also he wore a red speedo and bent over in front of me and his ass was like a cm away from my face
i died
more later
jack xx
Sunday, January 07, 2007
valuable life lessons id rather not have learnt #1
just a tip:
dont sit on an open toilet seat with freshly moisturised thighs
dont sit on an open toilet seat with freshly moisturised thighs
hot day! hot day!
well finally it actually felt like summer today, after about a dillion years of us having to endure it technically being summer, but actually being like 2 degrees
which sucked hairy balls
it was a good day
despite the fact that i was woken up at about 630 this morning by the huge crashing noise coming from my computer as it fell to the floor out of my bed (sidecar: how did my computer get into my bed?)
anyway it was too early to figure that one out, so i waited until 12 before rolling out of bed and into the pool and spent the rest of my day doing what any normal person should spend the perfect summer day doing; getting sunburnt, eating and naming all our pool toys after various characters on Gilmore Girls.
oh yes
i love summer
which sucked hairy balls
it was a good day
despite the fact that i was woken up at about 630 this morning by the huge crashing noise coming from my computer as it fell to the floor out of my bed (sidecar: how did my computer get into my bed?)
anyway it was too early to figure that one out, so i waited until 12 before rolling out of bed and into the pool and spent the rest of my day doing what any normal person should spend the perfect summer day doing; getting sunburnt, eating and naming all our pool toys after various characters on Gilmore Girls.
oh yes
i love summer
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
catherine and i argue again
so just now i was talking to my crazy sister, and she tells me that last night she had a dream that the whole of sydney harbour froze, and people could go iceskating on the harbour, and she and her friends got a boat and put a blade-thingie on the bottom of the boat and went 'ice-sailing'
..
well obviously that was the most retarded thing i have ever heard in my life, because well, who ever heard of ice-sailing, i mean come on, shut up
because obviously when she said to me 'and me and my friends put a blade on the bottom of a boat and went ice-sailing', i invisioned this retarded looking boat with one giant blade in the middle on the bottom, and well of course everyone knows that would be retarded because if the boat stopped moving for like one second, then it would tip over to the side
so when i told my dear sister this, she replied that yes, maybe the boat would tip over, but its not as if it would completely turn upside down because it would get stopped by the ice
..as if there is nothing wrong with what she just said
so then i said, i said catherine, i said, so what if the boat tips over to the side, how the hell is it supposed to get moving again? and she said, well the wind would push it of course
and im like
what the hell
you would have to like, prop the boat up with a stick on one side, and also make sure it didnt fall over to the other side, and wait until there was a strong enough gust of wind to make it start moving again, and the odds of that actually happening, or it happening and then actually working, are like a dillion to one
anyway, then she proceeded to explain that when she said the boat had a blade on the bottom of it, she actually meant that it had two blades on the bottom so that the boat could balance on the ice
and the following argument ensued:
me: well if thats what you meant, why didnt you just say that there were two blades?
catherine: i thought that you would just assume
me: why would i assume, if you said 'there is a blade on the bottom of the boat'. a blade. one. singular
catherine: yeah, but its like iceskating. you dont have one blade, you have two blades
me: thats because you have two feet
catherine: yeah but you dont iceskate on one foot
me: some people do
catherine: no they dont!
me: yes they do!
catherine: no they dont!
me: anyway even if you have two feet, you still only have one blade on each foot
catherine: so what?
me: so, the boot is like the boat. and you only have one blade on each boot, so you should only have one blade on each boat. unless you have two boats, there is no way you could have two blades, so you would only ever need one blade because its not as if people sail with one foot on each boat, they just have one boat. if they had two boots, they would have two blades. and the boot is like the boat. so if you had two boats, you would have two blades. but you dont. you only have one boat. so you only have one blade
catherine: (pause) yeah, but people dont iceskate on one foot
me: ARGHHH
anyway i feel like my point came off fairly well, and once again, catherine lost
..
well obviously that was the most retarded thing i have ever heard in my life, because well, who ever heard of ice-sailing, i mean come on, shut up
because obviously when she said to me 'and me and my friends put a blade on the bottom of a boat and went ice-sailing', i invisioned this retarded looking boat with one giant blade in the middle on the bottom, and well of course everyone knows that would be retarded because if the boat stopped moving for like one second, then it would tip over to the side
so when i told my dear sister this, she replied that yes, maybe the boat would tip over, but its not as if it would completely turn upside down because it would get stopped by the ice
..as if there is nothing wrong with what she just said
so then i said, i said catherine, i said, so what if the boat tips over to the side, how the hell is it supposed to get moving again? and she said, well the wind would push it of course
and im like
what the hell
you would have to like, prop the boat up with a stick on one side, and also make sure it didnt fall over to the other side, and wait until there was a strong enough gust of wind to make it start moving again, and the odds of that actually happening, or it happening and then actually working, are like a dillion to one
anyway, then she proceeded to explain that when she said the boat had a blade on the bottom of it, she actually meant that it had two blades on the bottom so that the boat could balance on the ice
and the following argument ensued:
me: well if thats what you meant, why didnt you just say that there were two blades?
catherine: i thought that you would just assume
me: why would i assume, if you said 'there is a blade on the bottom of the boat'. a blade. one. singular
catherine: yeah, but its like iceskating. you dont have one blade, you have two blades
me: thats because you have two feet
catherine: yeah but you dont iceskate on one foot
me: some people do
catherine: no they dont!
me: yes they do!
catherine: no they dont!
me: anyway even if you have two feet, you still only have one blade on each foot
catherine: so what?
me: so, the boot is like the boat. and you only have one blade on each boot, so you should only have one blade on each boat. unless you have two boats, there is no way you could have two blades, so you would only ever need one blade because its not as if people sail with one foot on each boat, they just have one boat. if they had two boots, they would have two blades. and the boot is like the boat. so if you had two boats, you would have two blades. but you dont. you only have one boat. so you only have one blade
catherine: (pause) yeah, but people dont iceskate on one foot
me: ARGHHH
anyway i feel like my point came off fairly well, and once again, catherine lost
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
attacked AGAIN
so anyway, today i was putting up the christmas tree, which is pretty much the highlight of my year since i always do it by myself coz the rest of my family are such buttbags that theyre always 'out' or 'busy' when it comes to putting up the christmas tree (like i care, they would just get in my way and mess the whole thing up anyway)
anyway what was i saying?
oh yeah so i was putting up the christmas tree, and i had just put all the tinsel on and turned around to get the box of decorations, and what was on the lid of the box?
WHAT WAS ON THE LID OF THE BOX?
...
ONLY LIKE THE MOST GIANT SPIDER IN THE HISTORY OF SPIDERS THAT ARE GIANT AND TRY TO ATTACK ME AND SUCCEED!
so anyway of course i screamed and then did that shudder thing you do when you want to die because there is a giant spider in front of you, then i hid under the chair for a while
anyway then i realised that a) my sister usually fights my spider battles for me, and b) my sister wasnt home and c) i was going to have to face this spider on my own
which was pretty crappy
so i ran around the room for a while, and the spider, which is so creepy, i swear it was like watching me, since every time i would run away from it, it would turn so that it was still staring at me
i mean
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYTHING SO CREEPY?
NO!
anyway then i went to get the insect spray from under the sink, and i started spraying this giant attacking death machine (from a distance - you can never be too safe) and i swear, it like, started REARING at me
like you know how they put their two front legs in the air and go like this:
RRRRRRROOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR??????
well it started doing that!!
and i had to sit there and watch it, and scream, and then watch it again
and i swear it was the most terrifying moment of my life
so there
all be grateful that im still here, writing this post, and not dead because i got attacked by a giant spider which attacked me
yeah
thats right
anyway what was i saying?
oh yeah so i was putting up the christmas tree, and i had just put all the tinsel on and turned around to get the box of decorations, and what was on the lid of the box?
WHAT WAS ON THE LID OF THE BOX?
...
ONLY LIKE THE MOST GIANT SPIDER IN THE HISTORY OF SPIDERS THAT ARE GIANT AND TRY TO ATTACK ME AND SUCCEED!
so anyway of course i screamed and then did that shudder thing you do when you want to die because there is a giant spider in front of you, then i hid under the chair for a while
anyway then i realised that a) my sister usually fights my spider battles for me, and b) my sister wasnt home and c) i was going to have to face this spider on my own
which was pretty crappy
so i ran around the room for a while, and the spider, which is so creepy, i swear it was like watching me, since every time i would run away from it, it would turn so that it was still staring at me
i mean
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYTHING SO CREEPY?
NO!
anyway then i went to get the insect spray from under the sink, and i started spraying this giant attacking death machine (from a distance - you can never be too safe) and i swear, it like, started REARING at me
like you know how they put their two front legs in the air and go like this:
RRRRRRROOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR??????
well it started doing that!!
and i had to sit there and watch it, and scream, and then watch it again
and i swear it was the most terrifying moment of my life
so there
all be grateful that im still here, writing this post, and not dead because i got attacked by a giant spider which attacked me
yeah
thats right
Friday, December 08, 2006
blogging (for beth)
well since myspace is on hiatus i decided to come look at my own blog since im lame and like to read my own comments (dont judge me - im only human) and i noticed that someone else is having a blog-craving; beth, whose blogs i have also been craving, so this ones for you bethy, but you have to blog for me also, since i cant live on my own blogs all the time
well maybe i could, if i got some split-personality and each of my personalities wrote blogs and then they could read each others
and hey, you could write about it for your major work
but that would be totally weird
but also kind of awesome...
anyway, today was tres fun, we went to gemmas and watched movies, like the infamous wrong turn, which was a first for some of us (jo and mai - the wrong turn virgins), but then it turned out that there was a bit of wrong turn that we were all virginious to - this extra footage at the end of the credits which i dont know about you guys, but ive never seen it before, anyway it was totally freaky and the freakish-laughing-all-the-time mutant was like half burnt and running around with a knife and screaming, needless to say we were all on the floor screaming, laughing and crying at the same time, somebody probably pissed their panties a little, im not sure
also we figured out that the hippy guy in wrong turn is, wait for it
wait for it
ELTON FROM CLUELESS
ohmigosh is that weird or wat
anyway yeah that was pretty funny, also was stealing the remote off mai when she was desperately trying to catch a glimpse of buffy on tv which she "hadnt seen for, like, a whole year", even though the rest of us saw no point really, since buffy is pretty much horse shit on tv, for example, this episode was about posessed hyenas which posess other people with their magical posessive eyes
yeah
pretty much
so there beth, that was it just for you baby
so blog back!!
love jac xox
well maybe i could, if i got some split-personality and each of my personalities wrote blogs and then they could read each others
and hey, you could write about it for your major work
but that would be totally weird
but also kind of awesome...
anyway, today was tres fun, we went to gemmas and watched movies, like the infamous wrong turn, which was a first for some of us (jo and mai - the wrong turn virgins), but then it turned out that there was a bit of wrong turn that we were all virginious to - this extra footage at the end of the credits which i dont know about you guys, but ive never seen it before, anyway it was totally freaky and the freakish-laughing-all-the-time mutant was like half burnt and running around with a knife and screaming, needless to say we were all on the floor screaming, laughing and crying at the same time, somebody probably pissed their panties a little, im not sure
also we figured out that the hippy guy in wrong turn is, wait for it
wait for it
ELTON FROM CLUELESS
ohmigosh is that weird or wat
anyway yeah that was pretty funny, also was stealing the remote off mai when she was desperately trying to catch a glimpse of buffy on tv which she "hadnt seen for, like, a whole year", even though the rest of us saw no point really, since buffy is pretty much horse shit on tv, for example, this episode was about posessed hyenas which posess other people with their magical posessive eyes
yeah
pretty much
so there beth, that was it just for you baby
so blog back!!
love jac xox
Monday, November 27, 2006
so many thanks to ellen and jane for just making my day by showing me that feral feral picture of a cat feetus (however you spell it - im not a freaking scientist) with only one eye, truly, im living a better life due to that
not
im scarred for life
almost as scarred as i am by seeing that bit of Borat with the two naked guys wrestling with each other, and one of them is so fat that you cant even tell hes a guy, actually im pretty sure hes a woman
shes a woman
whatever
um also thanks to miss mitchell for also making my day by giving back my ancient assessment and then proceeding to tell me everything that i did wrong, especially in the opening paragraph of the third question, where my answer read (and i kid you not):
The Ramesside Period in Egypt began after the death of Ahken-Aten, which caused the cult of Aten to be abandoned. After this, features of Egypt which had been removed in the previous dynasty were restored, and the first pharaoh to rule over the new period in Egypt was (insert name here).
Yeah
so pretty much i suck
other than that my day was pretty average, and im now feeling like an absolute blob on account of the fact that i ate two dinners tonight, which im now regretting with the whole cat-feetus-with-one-eye-train-of-thought
now im ewwed out
not
im scarred for life
almost as scarred as i am by seeing that bit of Borat with the two naked guys wrestling with each other, and one of them is so fat that you cant even tell hes a guy, actually im pretty sure hes a woman
shes a woman
whatever
um also thanks to miss mitchell for also making my day by giving back my ancient assessment and then proceeding to tell me everything that i did wrong, especially in the opening paragraph of the third question, where my answer read (and i kid you not):
The Ramesside Period in Egypt began after the death of Ahken-Aten, which caused the cult of Aten to be abandoned. After this, features of Egypt which had been removed in the previous dynasty were restored, and the first pharaoh to rule over the new period in Egypt was (insert name here).
Yeah
so pretty much i suck
other than that my day was pretty average, and im now feeling like an absolute blob on account of the fact that i ate two dinners tonight, which im now regretting with the whole cat-feetus-with-one-eye-train-of-thought
now im ewwed out
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
oh vandy...we hardly knew yee
so today was the very momentous but of course sad day in which we had to sit on vandy for the very last time
because on monday we were supposedly moving into the commonroom (apparently this is no longer true, but today was so sad that im sure none of us could do it again. also we already ate all the food)
anyway the party started at recess and we covered vandy in balloons and streamers and posters and a banner that read "Farewell Vandy" then proceeded to eat our way through about 6kg of food and sing half the Celene Dion album in our best voices :)
also there was a cake shaped like a vagina, in true vandy style, because we know theres no point in having a cake unless everyone else on the planet is insulted by it
so after finishing off the vagina cake in record time (despite Emmy's insinuation that we would be "eating pussy") the party continued on into lunch, where we ate another few kilos of food, sang Kiss Me and some more Celene, took photos, threw food at each other, laughed at the year tens, reminised about times on Vandy, lay on the ground and prentended to vomit everywhere, chased Emmy halfway round the school (sidebar: she did come, but only for like one second = im heartbroken), went crazy and tore up all the posters and balloons
and then finally it was time for our last exit from Vandy, which Ellen, Gemmy, Beff and I had intended to do in style, slowly, while singing "my heart will go on", until our plan was interrupted by a wasp the size of a small cat and we were forced to run screaming towards the locker room
so there
that was it
the last vandy ever
oh vandy...we hardly knew yee
because on monday we were supposedly moving into the commonroom (apparently this is no longer true, but today was so sad that im sure none of us could do it again. also we already ate all the food)
anyway the party started at recess and we covered vandy in balloons and streamers and posters and a banner that read "Farewell Vandy" then proceeded to eat our way through about 6kg of food and sing half the Celene Dion album in our best voices :)
also there was a cake shaped like a vagina, in true vandy style, because we know theres no point in having a cake unless everyone else on the planet is insulted by it
so after finishing off the vagina cake in record time (despite Emmy's insinuation that we would be "eating pussy") the party continued on into lunch, where we ate another few kilos of food, sang Kiss Me and some more Celene, took photos, threw food at each other, laughed at the year tens, reminised about times on Vandy, lay on the ground and prentended to vomit everywhere, chased Emmy halfway round the school (sidebar: she did come, but only for like one second = im heartbroken), went crazy and tore up all the posters and balloons
and then finally it was time for our last exit from Vandy, which Ellen, Gemmy, Beff and I had intended to do in style, slowly, while singing "my heart will go on", until our plan was interrupted by a wasp the size of a small cat and we were forced to run screaming towards the locker room
so there
that was it
the last vandy ever
oh vandy...we hardly knew yee
Thursday, November 09, 2006
have i found my stalker?
so
had to walk home again this afternoon, which was the first time ive done so since the initial mauling of my leg because of my stalker, who we dont actually know the identity of
except that
we might maybe may know it now!
after that post i wrote about the stalker stalking me and causing me to maul my own leg, i got a comment from some guy named Jimi, who said that he randomly discovered my blog and now comes here and reads it every day
every day
no one reads my blog every day! even my alter-egos dont read my blog every day!
also, "Jimi" says that he thinks "im probably wrong about the stalker thing, but maybe not"
you know what this means dont you?
Jimi
is
my
stalker
and you know what else that means?
that means Jimi is probably reading this right now, and going either:
a) Finally she figured it out; or
b) I feel so violated
but still.
so
is this the end of the seemingly endless quest to find my stalker, or should the journey continue, until everyone in the world becomes so freaked out about me accusing them of stalking me that i retreat to that wood in Wrong Turn, or some equally isolated area?
had to walk home again this afternoon, which was the first time ive done so since the initial mauling of my leg because of my stalker, who we dont actually know the identity of
except that
we might maybe may know it now!
after that post i wrote about the stalker stalking me and causing me to maul my own leg, i got a comment from some guy named Jimi, who said that he randomly discovered my blog and now comes here and reads it every day
every day
no one reads my blog every day! even my alter-egos dont read my blog every day!
also, "Jimi" says that he thinks "im probably wrong about the stalker thing, but maybe not"
you know what this means dont you?
Jimi
is
my
stalker
and you know what else that means?
that means Jimi is probably reading this right now, and going either:
a) Finally she figured it out; or
b) I feel so violated
but still.
so
is this the end of the seemingly endless quest to find my stalker, or should the journey continue, until everyone in the world becomes so freaked out about me accusing them of stalking me that i retreat to that wood in Wrong Turn, or some equally isolated area?
Monday, November 06, 2006
stalker update
ok
so
um
just a little update on the whole someone-is-stalking-and-or-trying-to-kill-me thing, so when julia and i were on the train on friday morning, this freaky grey-haired, black trench coat and cowboy hat wearing man suddenly loomed into the carriage and started staring at us in this really weird way, like, i dont know, he was trying to memorise our faces so he could find and maul us later
anyway after that we got so scared (escpecially after he started mumbling to himself) so we got off at roseville (by the way, so did he - total stalker) and ran all the way to school so we wouldnt end up dead.
but thats not all
oh no
that afternoon as it were, i had to walk home (yes, again), and as i was walking past that freakish wooded area (you guys know what im talking about), i realised some man
yeah
a man
some man, in a leather coat
yeah
a leather coat
some man in a leather coat was walking behind me
but was he just walking behind me? probably not. definitely not.
no. he was totally following me.
anyway i did what any smart person would do, and i started running
unfortunately i also did what any not smart, totally uncoordinated and unfortunate person would do, and that was to fall off my shoe, trip over it, fly through the air, and end up with half of my leg all mauled
which im sure was of great entertainment to my stalker, mr leathercoat, my sister, who laughed at me when i got home, emmy, who gave me that look she always gives me as if to say 'how did i end up with such a weird stalker?' and pretty much everyone else on the planet
but actually, it actually hurt
so shut up
so
um
just a little update on the whole someone-is-stalking-and-or-trying-to-kill-me thing, so when julia and i were on the train on friday morning, this freaky grey-haired, black trench coat and cowboy hat wearing man suddenly loomed into the carriage and started staring at us in this really weird way, like, i dont know, he was trying to memorise our faces so he could find and maul us later
anyway after that we got so scared (escpecially after he started mumbling to himself) so we got off at roseville (by the way, so did he - total stalker) and ran all the way to school so we wouldnt end up dead.
but thats not all
oh no
that afternoon as it were, i had to walk home (yes, again), and as i was walking past that freakish wooded area (you guys know what im talking about), i realised some man
yeah
a man
some man, in a leather coat
yeah
a leather coat
some man in a leather coat was walking behind me
but was he just walking behind me? probably not. definitely not.
no. he was totally following me.
anyway i did what any smart person would do, and i started running
unfortunately i also did what any not smart, totally uncoordinated and unfortunate person would do, and that was to fall off my shoe, trip over it, fly through the air, and end up with half of my leg all mauled
which im sure was of great entertainment to my stalker, mr leathercoat, my sister, who laughed at me when i got home, emmy, who gave me that look she always gives me as if to say 'how did i end up with such a weird stalker?' and pretty much everyone else on the planet
but actually, it actually hurt
so shut up
Monday, October 30, 2006
ewan my love
OH
MY
GOSH
most giant breakthrough ever today, ever ever ever
well FIRST of all, this morning i found out that my friend knows ewan mcgregors nephew
as if that wasnt exciting enough, today at lunch, when we were talking about the horror i experienced on friday night when watching Cold Mountain and seeing the unexpected naked scene by Nicole Kidman, a conversation sparked about how Nicole Kidman has probably been naked in my house like a dillion times, on account of the fact that she used to live here, and how she probably walked around naked and watched tv naked and fed the cat naked and sat on the toilet naked
anyway
this last one sparked another random tangent, one about how on account of the fact that Nicole Kidman used to live in my house, she would have sat naked on the very same toilet that i have sat naked on (well, close to naked...naked from the waist down), which of course freaked me out to the point of insanity, until Julia realised that...
OHMIGOSH nicole kidmans naked-from-the-waist-down body has sat on the very same toilet as my naked-from-the-waist-down body
and you know what else nicole kidmans naked-from-the-waist-down body has done?
PRETTY MUCH HAD ONE ON ONE CONTACT WITH EWAN MCGREGORS PENIS
...
OHMIGOSH
OHMIGOSH
have i had sex with ewan mcgregor?
well it doesnt matter!
because this means that we are totally meant for each other, and will get married and have a dillion dillion babies called Mcgewan or Treajack
...
a dillion
MY
GOSH
most giant breakthrough ever today, ever ever ever
well FIRST of all, this morning i found out that my friend knows ewan mcgregors nephew
as if that wasnt exciting enough, today at lunch, when we were talking about the horror i experienced on friday night when watching Cold Mountain and seeing the unexpected naked scene by Nicole Kidman, a conversation sparked about how Nicole Kidman has probably been naked in my house like a dillion times, on account of the fact that she used to live here, and how she probably walked around naked and watched tv naked and fed the cat naked and sat on the toilet naked
anyway
this last one sparked another random tangent, one about how on account of the fact that Nicole Kidman used to live in my house, she would have sat naked on the very same toilet that i have sat naked on (well, close to naked...naked from the waist down), which of course freaked me out to the point of insanity, until Julia realised that...
OHMIGOSH nicole kidmans naked-from-the-waist-down body has sat on the very same toilet as my naked-from-the-waist-down body
and you know what else nicole kidmans naked-from-the-waist-down body has done?
PRETTY MUCH HAD ONE ON ONE CONTACT WITH EWAN MCGREGORS PENIS
...
OHMIGOSH
OHMIGOSH
have i had sex with ewan mcgregor?
well it doesnt matter!
because this means that we are totally meant for each other, and will get married and have a dillion dillion babies called Mcgewan or Treajack
...
a dillion
stalked
so on the way home, i had to walk the whole way from the station, which totally sucked hairy balls, since it is like a dillion kilometres.
anyway
on my way home i have to walk past this bit near a golf course, and it is like a wood
seriously
a wood
i didnt even know woods actually existed apart from in movies like Frankenstein, but hey, apparently they do
and anyway, this just happens to be the same wood where that freak-o granny killer killed all those grannies like whenever, and i am totally NOT lying about this since i saw it once on this documentary on tv
so yeah
its true. so shut up
anyway when i walk past this bit of wood i always try to not look anywhere near it, since i figure, if some killer is hiding in there, and they see me walk past looking, and they think im looking at them, theyll think
why is she looking at me? she must be a detective! ill kill her!
and then theyll come me. so its safer not to look, because then i wont be a witness to their violent attacks.
the problem is, i swear, like everytime i walk past this wood, which, by the way, is on the side of a highway, which every car in the world drives down, suddenly ALL THE CARS DISSAPEAR, and im ALL ALONE, IN FRONT OF A WOOD, WHERE THE GRANNY KILLER KILLED PEOPLE, AND IS PROBABLY WAITING TO KILL ME TOO!
anyway
back to the story
today, when i was walking past the wood, all the cars dissapeared, as usual, and i succumbed to the temptation to look into the wood, and what did i see?
what did i see?
nothing
and then i looked a little bit harder, and what did i see?
a body bag
yeah, thats right
A FREAKING BODY BAG
and did that body bag have some mauled person in it?
PROBABLY
im just saying
and then i had to run the whole way home of course, because if i stayed there one second longer i probably would have ended up in a body bag aswell, and when i got home this is what happened:
mum: hi, how was your day?
jacki: oh it was fine
mum: thats good
jacki: except that i saw a BODYBAG!
mum: a body bag? where?
jacki: in the woods! i saw a bodybag in the woods!
mum: what woods? since when have you been anywhere near a wood? what are you on?
this is what i get
theyll be sorry when i end up in some wolf-creek wannabe movie
anyway
on my way home i have to walk past this bit near a golf course, and it is like a wood
seriously
a wood
i didnt even know woods actually existed apart from in movies like Frankenstein, but hey, apparently they do
and anyway, this just happens to be the same wood where that freak-o granny killer killed all those grannies like whenever, and i am totally NOT lying about this since i saw it once on this documentary on tv
so yeah
its true. so shut up
anyway when i walk past this bit of wood i always try to not look anywhere near it, since i figure, if some killer is hiding in there, and they see me walk past looking, and they think im looking at them, theyll think
why is she looking at me? she must be a detective! ill kill her!
and then theyll come me. so its safer not to look, because then i wont be a witness to their violent attacks.
the problem is, i swear, like everytime i walk past this wood, which, by the way, is on the side of a highway, which every car in the world drives down, suddenly ALL THE CARS DISSAPEAR, and im ALL ALONE, IN FRONT OF A WOOD, WHERE THE GRANNY KILLER KILLED PEOPLE, AND IS PROBABLY WAITING TO KILL ME TOO!
anyway
back to the story
today, when i was walking past the wood, all the cars dissapeared, as usual, and i succumbed to the temptation to look into the wood, and what did i see?
what did i see?
nothing
and then i looked a little bit harder, and what did i see?
a body bag
yeah, thats right
A FREAKING BODY BAG
and did that body bag have some mauled person in it?
PROBABLY
im just saying
and then i had to run the whole way home of course, because if i stayed there one second longer i probably would have ended up in a body bag aswell, and when i got home this is what happened:
mum: hi, how was your day?
jacki: oh it was fine
mum: thats good
jacki: except that i saw a BODYBAG!
mum: a body bag? where?
jacki: in the woods! i saw a bodybag in the woods!
mum: what woods? since when have you been anywhere near a wood? what are you on?
this is what i get
theyll be sorry when i end up in some wolf-creek wannabe movie
the old
so mean but so amusing, when we got on the train this afternoon there was this undeniable stench
it was so bad
so so bad
so julia goes
"it smells in here"
and i go
"yeah, smells like old"
and then we both turned at the same time to look dissaprovingly at this little old lady sitting in the corner
oh
oh
it was such a beautifully unchoreographed moment of hilarity
it was so bad
so so bad
so julia goes
"it smells in here"
and i go
"yeah, smells like old"
and then we both turned at the same time to look dissaprovingly at this little old lady sitting in the corner
oh
oh
it was such a beautifully unchoreographed moment of hilarity
Friday, October 27, 2006
so last ever igssa gym today
lets have a moment of silence to commemorate the fact that we'll never again bludge our way through and entire years worth of gym..
ok
moment over
but seriously. how is it that we manage to get ourselves into the same situation every year?
however we do it, once we get over the initial grudge of having to actually show up/compete, the rest of the day is totally fun, pretty much us running around trying to find the questacon exhibition we found once in year eight and snuck into (i think illegally - shh!), watching hot hot hot jamie doing hot hot hot pushups with his hot hot hot body in the hot hot hot foam pit, chasing emmy around for several hours and getting her to admit that she loves us, pissing off whalley/beth/selig/osborne/emmy/every other person of authority in the entire sports centre, using the staff only entrances whenever possible, finding the infamous 'ice hallway', sneaking into a conference private box thingie at some hockey arena and almost accidentally-on-purpose interrupting their top secret conference thingie, paying out people for being able to do freaking stuff that we cant do, pretending that we're elite rythmic gymnasts and 'training' outside on the grass, sunbaking out the front of the sports centre, and finding/chasing/watching the huge collection of people that we have proceeded to stalk over the past few years at igssa
which all made up pretty much the best day ever, even though it was shadowed by the fact that i was wearing the worst pair of undies in the world.
seriously
i didnt know they made undies that could be saggy and high-cut at the same time
but im wearing the proof
lets have a moment of silence to commemorate the fact that we'll never again bludge our way through and entire years worth of gym..
ok
moment over
but seriously. how is it that we manage to get ourselves into the same situation every year?
however we do it, once we get over the initial grudge of having to actually show up/compete, the rest of the day is totally fun, pretty much us running around trying to find the questacon exhibition we found once in year eight and snuck into (i think illegally - shh!), watching hot hot hot jamie doing hot hot hot pushups with his hot hot hot body in the hot hot hot foam pit, chasing emmy around for several hours and getting her to admit that she loves us, pissing off whalley/beth/selig/osborne/emmy/every other person of authority in the entire sports centre, using the staff only entrances whenever possible, finding the infamous 'ice hallway', sneaking into a conference private box thingie at some hockey arena and almost accidentally-on-purpose interrupting their top secret conference thingie, paying out people for being able to do freaking stuff that we cant do, pretending that we're elite rythmic gymnasts and 'training' outside on the grass, sunbaking out the front of the sports centre, and finding/chasing/watching the huge collection of people that we have proceeded to stalk over the past few years at igssa
which all made up pretty much the best day ever, even though it was shadowed by the fact that i was wearing the worst pair of undies in the world.
seriously
i didnt know they made undies that could be saggy and high-cut at the same time
but im wearing the proof
Thursday, October 26, 2006
so.
hilarious yesterday at the shore pd day, which actually turned out to be quite fun and not so awkward at all
apart from the whole thing with queenwood being there, and totally cramping the rosevillians style
but whatever
while the whole day was enjoyable ill just give you the highlights:
hilarious yesterday at the shore pd day, which actually turned out to be quite fun and not so awkward at all
apart from the whole thing with queenwood being there, and totally cramping the rosevillians style
but whatever
while the whole day was enjoyable ill just give you the highlights:
- catered recess, with actual caterers and home baked treats, not like roseville where theyd just crack open the Arnotts Family Pack Assorted, a bottle of red cordial, and shove us all in D03 or something
- chapel, with an actual chapel, not like roseville where we pretend our multi multi purpose hall with stained glass window is a chapel
- having speeches in actual auditoriums, not like at roseville where we have to stack our own chairs and leave
- sitting on the lawn, made of actual grass, not like at roseville where everything living dies as soon as we touch it, causing the school to cover every surface in either fake tennis court material crap or concrete
- looking at the harbour bridge, an actual view, not like at roseville where the only thing you see when you look out into the horizon is the crane sitting in the middle of the giant muddy hole that used to be our locker room
- having conversations, with actual boys, not like at roseville where the only male interaction we get is with mr obrien, who tells us of his adventures with the notorious "jemma", and;
- seeing food on the ground actually being picked up by someone and put into a bin, not like at roseville where you see food on the group being picked up by someone and eaten by them
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
msn virus lameheads
well first of all
shut up, all you people who invented that stupid stupid stupid msn virus, im coming to stab you since i got it like 10 dillion times and then everyone was like what the hell, whats with the msn virus, and i was like SHUT UP its not me, and then like everyone else got it and was like yeah it wasnt me, and im like shut up you said it was me when it wasnt me!
so shut up you whores!
and we should all storm the msn virus centre or wherever those lameheads that make up msn viruses live, and we can maul them
and i dont mean the sexual maul
i mean that bad kind of maul
and then theyll be sorry that they ever invented the stupid whorish lamish stupid Trojan horse BackDoor.Generic3.RTF or whatever its called
and then they wont be able to make ANY MORE stupid viruses because theyll be too busy getting mauled by me
and also they will have no arms and legs
because i have mauled them off
with my face
...
...
SERIOUSLY?! what is with these people? dont they have anything better to do than maul my computer and everyone elses computer practically in the world
i
am going
to stab their heads off
and then, oh yes, and then im going to make up a virus with my head and put it into their computers face and then theyll have to download some stupid virus program and scan their computer like ten dillion times and not be able to go on msn because people keep mauling them
yeah
thats right
those lameheads lames are going to be so sorry
also, i would like to acknowledge the fact that i love emmy
because i havent said so in a while
shut up, all you people who invented that stupid stupid stupid msn virus, im coming to stab you since i got it like 10 dillion times and then everyone was like what the hell, whats with the msn virus, and i was like SHUT UP its not me, and then like everyone else got it and was like yeah it wasnt me, and im like shut up you said it was me when it wasnt me!
so shut up you whores!
and we should all storm the msn virus centre or wherever those lameheads that make up msn viruses live, and we can maul them
and i dont mean the sexual maul
i mean that bad kind of maul
and then theyll be sorry that they ever invented the stupid whorish lamish stupid Trojan horse BackDoor.Generic3.RTF or whatever its called
and then they wont be able to make ANY MORE stupid viruses because theyll be too busy getting mauled by me
and also they will have no arms and legs
because i have mauled them off
with my face
...
...
SERIOUSLY?! what is with these people? dont they have anything better to do than maul my computer and everyone elses computer practically in the world
i
am going
to stab their heads off
and then, oh yes, and then im going to make up a virus with my head and put it into their computers face and then theyll have to download some stupid virus program and scan their computer like ten dillion times and not be able to go on msn because people keep mauling them
yeah
thats right
those lameheads lames are going to be so sorry
also, i would like to acknowledge the fact that i love emmy
because i havent said so in a while
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
back to school
well
like a week ago i thought i would be ready to go back to school when the time came
you know
organised. well nourished. lots of sleep. full of energy
except that not, because as eveyrone knows im the least organised person on the planet, who never gets enough sleep, naps in english, and doesnt even know the meaning of the word "nourishment"
so
basically i thought even if i have no new folders or paper or pens, i havent read emma and i cant even remember how to do pythagoras, at least ill be able to keep myself awake in english if i have a good night sleep, except that somehow my sister convinced me to drink almost 2 litres of coke before i went to bed, equals instead of getting the beauty sleep i needed, i was up until 230 in the morning with her, dancing with the cat, jumping on the bed, and plotting ways to get back at the selig woman.
anyway finally catherine went to bed, trouble was that there was still some coke left, and i wasnt exactly thinking about the consequences, so 3 cups later, there i was, wrapped in a red blanket and hanging in catherines doorway singing about "johnny brown" i think it was.
so by the time i finally fell asleep, it was pretty much time to wake up anyway.
and go to school
bah!
seven weeks, and counting
like a week ago i thought i would be ready to go back to school when the time came
you know
organised. well nourished. lots of sleep. full of energy
except that not, because as eveyrone knows im the least organised person on the planet, who never gets enough sleep, naps in english, and doesnt even know the meaning of the word "nourishment"
so
basically i thought even if i have no new folders or paper or pens, i havent read emma and i cant even remember how to do pythagoras, at least ill be able to keep myself awake in english if i have a good night sleep, except that somehow my sister convinced me to drink almost 2 litres of coke before i went to bed, equals instead of getting the beauty sleep i needed, i was up until 230 in the morning with her, dancing with the cat, jumping on the bed, and plotting ways to get back at the selig woman.
anyway finally catherine went to bed, trouble was that there was still some coke left, and i wasnt exactly thinking about the consequences, so 3 cups later, there i was, wrapped in a red blanket and hanging in catherines doorway singing about "johnny brown" i think it was.
so by the time i finally fell asleep, it was pretty much time to wake up anyway.
and go to school
bah!
seven weeks, and counting
Monday, October 16, 2006
attacked
well
again i have been brutally attacked by a spider that was trying to kill me because it is the destiny of every spider on the planet to attack me and kill me
because its like their job
spiders were put on this world to attack and kill jacki trew
spiders and maths teachers
anyway catherine, my hero, saved me from the killer spider which is now lying dead at the top of the stairs so i cant go downstairs because its blocking the path and theres no way i can jump over it because what if it comes back to life and jumps onto the back of my neck?
and then ill fall down the stairs and end up at the bottom.
And even if im not dead then, someone in my house will probably be like
a crazy person falling down the stairs!!!
and light me on fire or something, and then ill run out to the pool and jump in, to stop myself from being on fire.
But then even if i didnt die from being on fire then the shark that i think is hidden in the bottom of the pool will probably be released from its underpool cage and will eat half of my body off.
And even if im not dead then, ill probably be so disorientated from the blood loss that ill trip over my face and get impaled on my dads drill or something
And even if im not dead then, and someone comes to rescue me, it will probably be Ewan, because we are destined, and i will die from the sight of him because he is the sexiest man in existance.
And even if im not dead then, the spider will still be on the back of my neck and it will bite me with its face and i will be killed.
so, to sum up, all spiders are trying to kill me.
again i have been brutally attacked by a spider that was trying to kill me because it is the destiny of every spider on the planet to attack me and kill me
because its like their job
spiders were put on this world to attack and kill jacki trew
spiders and maths teachers
anyway catherine, my hero, saved me from the killer spider which is now lying dead at the top of the stairs so i cant go downstairs because its blocking the path and theres no way i can jump over it because what if it comes back to life and jumps onto the back of my neck?
and then ill fall down the stairs and end up at the bottom.
And even if im not dead then, someone in my house will probably be like
a crazy person falling down the stairs!!!
and light me on fire or something, and then ill run out to the pool and jump in, to stop myself from being on fire.
But then even if i didnt die from being on fire then the shark that i think is hidden in the bottom of the pool will probably be released from its underpool cage and will eat half of my body off.
And even if im not dead then, ill probably be so disorientated from the blood loss that ill trip over my face and get impaled on my dads drill or something
And even if im not dead then, and someone comes to rescue me, it will probably be Ewan, because we are destined, and i will die from the sight of him because he is the sexiest man in existance.
And even if im not dead then, the spider will still be on the back of my neck and it will bite me with its face and i will be killed.
so, to sum up, all spiders are trying to kill me.
im bringing sexy back
ok
so the plan is, is that i meet ewan mcgregor who is hung like a bus, and i mean a bus
like a bus
and then he is so sexy that if he brought sexyback with anyone else then the whole world would explode because of sexy overload on one persons part but then we are destined so when i bring sexyback with him then sexy isnt an overload in a bad way
but overload in a good way
so then sexy goes all over the whole universe and jacki and ewan bring sexyback
so yes
we are the bringers back of sexy
so the plan is, is that i meet ewan mcgregor who is hung like a bus, and i mean a bus
like a bus
and then he is so sexy that if he brought sexyback with anyone else then the whole world would explode because of sexy overload on one persons part but then we are destined so when i bring sexyback with him then sexy isnt an overload in a bad way
but overload in a good way
so then sexy goes all over the whole universe and jacki and ewan bring sexyback
so yes
we are the bringers back of sexy
Monday, October 09, 2006
Alex - a dedication
well this is basically a dedication to alex who is the coolest ever!!! because i forgot to call her on her birthday even though i probably shouldnt have on account of the time she bullied me with my stupid sister for like 10 hours on the way to the mall and ate lollies in front of me and kept changing the radio station whenever i said i liked the song and dropped me off on the side of a highway and told me to walk the rest of the way when she and catherine got bored of me
but still despite these things she is the coolest bum ever who i shall maul next time i see her becoz of the whole forgetting-of-birthday thing
and you better enjoy it alex
and you better maul be back
and it will be oh-so-enjoyable, almost as enjoyable as the time you spend mocking me and my blog, which i know you secretly love, otherwise why would you read it?
you know im right baby
and so, in a loving tribute to you, alex, alex k, k-dog, doggy-dog, kerrmeister, the kerr, k-shiz, alex nizzle, nizzle kerrizzle, whatever whatever, i present...
but still despite these things she is the coolest bum ever who i shall maul next time i see her becoz of the whole forgetting-of-birthday thing
and you better enjoy it alex
and you better maul be back
and it will be oh-so-enjoyable, almost as enjoyable as the time you spend mocking me and my blog, which i know you secretly love, otherwise why would you read it?
you know im right baby
and so, in a loving tribute to you, alex, alex k, k-dog, doggy-dog, kerrmeister, the kerr, k-shiz, alex nizzle, nizzle kerrizzle, whatever whatever, i present...
Alex - A Dedication
oh alex, with hair so orange, orange like fire
you're the best, im not a liar
forgive me for forgetting the day of your birth
you are so much hotter than colin firth (that was for you lauren)
oh alex, with boots so black
i stuck up your photo with a thumb-tack
it was so hot, as hot as the night
and i hope that we shall never fight
oh alex, who reads my blog
you look nothing like a frog
lets go for a jog
and then we can wash a hog
that smells like a bog
...in the toilet
the end
Saturday, October 07, 2006
jennifer lopez sucks
yeah
yeah
u no what i just realised?
why does ANYBODY like jennifer lopez?
i mean, seriously, why?
why why why?
her songs SUCK. seriously. she sucks. sucks hairy porn star balls.
listen to this:
Play, come on
Play that song
Play it all night long
Just turn it up and turn me on
Play, come on dj
Play that song
You that it turns me on
Just turn it up and turn me on
OHMIGOSH
JENNIFER LOPEZ, YOU GENIUS!!!
who would have ever thought that song and long ryhme? thats the best thing ive ever heard in my life!
oh but wait, it gets better!
the last two lines - when you ryhmed on with on?
GENIUS!!!
except
that
YOU SUCK HAIRY BALLS
seriously even i, without a single creative bone in my creative-less body could thing of something better than that
so, jennifer lopez, go die in a whole filled with award for making the crappest songs in the world because they are so crap
yes
yes yes yes
that is all
yeah
u no what i just realised?
why does ANYBODY like jennifer lopez?
i mean, seriously, why?
why why why?
her songs SUCK. seriously. she sucks. sucks hairy porn star balls.
listen to this:
Play, come on
Play that song
Play it all night long
Just turn it up and turn me on
Play, come on dj
Play that song
You that it turns me on
Just turn it up and turn me on
OHMIGOSH
JENNIFER LOPEZ, YOU GENIUS!!!
who would have ever thought that song and long ryhme? thats the best thing ive ever heard in my life!
oh but wait, it gets better!
the last two lines - when you ryhmed on with on?
GENIUS!!!
except
that
YOU SUCK HAIRY BALLS
seriously even i, without a single creative bone in my creative-less body could thing of something better than that
so, jennifer lopez, go die in a whole filled with award for making the crappest songs in the world because they are so crap
yes
yes yes yes
that is all
Thursday, October 05, 2006
supergroup visits the beach
well today was the day that shall go down in history as the first ever supergroup excursion, when practically half of our year went to the beach together
and it was so awesome
but not awesome enough to give you a play-by-play of, so ill just tell you the highlight of the day, which had to be the paying out of Sair because of some of the music she had on her ipod, which included:
and it was so awesome
but not awesome enough to give you a play-by-play of, so ill just tell you the highlight of the day, which had to be the paying out of Sair because of some of the music she had on her ipod, which included:
- the soundtrack of One Night The Moon
- Hillary and Haylie duff, and (wait for it)
- The Pussycat Dolls
sair
sair
*shakes head*
anyway the best part was when me and julia had to get the bus home, but when we got to the bus stop, there were about 100 people waiting in line, and of course, we were at the back, which sparked the conversation of how all these people waiting for the bus were judging us because we were last in line, and how we wished we were at the front of the line so we could get on the bus first and sit up the back and judge everyone else.
then of course we got the idea that if we didnt catch the bus that everyone was lining up for now, then we could be first in line for the next bus to come, and then our dream of sitting up the back and being able to judge everyone else on the bus would finally be realised!!! only of course our plan was foiled because when waiting for the bus, we decided that we were too cool to sit in the actual bus stop, so we went around the corner to wait, and when we realised that the bus was here, and ran back arund to the bus stop, there was another line waiting to get on, and this one was even longer than the first one, and we were at the back
oh yes
the back. the very back
so i just have to say shut up because if you dont then i will be behind you for eternity, judging you, or the ghost of judging will be doing that for me in memory of the time i didnt get to judge everyone else from the back of the bus
so watch out
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
julias rage
well now im just going to maul you all about julias rage towards stupid people who are stupid and lame and leave stupid and lame comments which arent even ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL, THEY ARE JUST STUPID CRAP ABOUT BOOK VOUCHERS WHICH NO ONE WILL EVEN EVER USE BECAUSE YOU ARE SO GAY SO SHUT UP
so dont even knock on my door, say say
because im not home because YOU ARE SO LAME
like
shut up
why do you even come on my blog if you are so stupid that you cant even be bothered to not be stupid?
like yeah. hell yeah julia
so i think what julia should do is become one of those stupid people except NOT be stupid (oh i bet you didnt see that one coming) and leave comments on their lame blogs about how lame they are
and then they will realise their lameness and go write songs about it
but no one will listen to them because they will be so lame
except possibly me, just so i can laugh at them and say
'your songs are so lame dude'
and then they shall weep
so dont even knock on my door, say say
because im not home because YOU ARE SO LAME
like
shut up
why do you even come on my blog if you are so stupid that you cant even be bothered to not be stupid?
like yeah. hell yeah julia
so i think what julia should do is become one of those stupid people except NOT be stupid (oh i bet you didnt see that one coming) and leave comments on their lame blogs about how lame they are
and then they will realise their lameness and go write songs about it
but no one will listen to them because they will be so lame
except possibly me, just so i can laugh at them and say
'your songs are so lame dude'
and then they shall weep
attack of the killer sewing machine
so
today was horrible in everyway possible
firstly i was woken up early by the sound of my cat attempting to lick the skin off my face, which was heinous, just heinous, especially since me trying to get her off me only made her more determined to make my face look like a raw piece of meat
then i spent most of the day running away from the sewing machine since it was trying to maul me the entire time. like seriously, i would be innocently sitting on the couch and then i would hear some weird whirring roaring noise, turn around, and there it would be, the killer sewing machine, just waiting to stitch me to that weirdly coloured rug my mum bought.
urgh
then because my mum has seriously not gone food shopping for like the last 100 years, there was nothing to eat in our whole house except an old piece of watermelon, which ive now been chewing on for the last, lets see, four and a half hours
and i know what you're thinking, you're thinking well why didnt you go buy your own food, ass
well shut up because ive spent so much of my own money this year that i am actually broke, like so broke and so much of a homeless bum that i think my parents are considering throwing me out of the house because im giving the family a bad name
its so lame
also my pajama pants fell apart today
i think that was the suckiest part
today was horrible in everyway possible
firstly i was woken up early by the sound of my cat attempting to lick the skin off my face, which was heinous, just heinous, especially since me trying to get her off me only made her more determined to make my face look like a raw piece of meat
then i spent most of the day running away from the sewing machine since it was trying to maul me the entire time. like seriously, i would be innocently sitting on the couch and then i would hear some weird whirring roaring noise, turn around, and there it would be, the killer sewing machine, just waiting to stitch me to that weirdly coloured rug my mum bought.
urgh
then because my mum has seriously not gone food shopping for like the last 100 years, there was nothing to eat in our whole house except an old piece of watermelon, which ive now been chewing on for the last, lets see, four and a half hours
and i know what you're thinking, you're thinking well why didnt you go buy your own food, ass
well shut up because ive spent so much of my own money this year that i am actually broke, like so broke and so much of a homeless bum that i think my parents are considering throwing me out of the house because im giving the family a bad name
its so lame
also my pajama pants fell apart today
i think that was the suckiest part
Sunday, October 01, 2006
butch weekend
obviously since i spent all of friday night dressing up as Bella Dancerella, i had to make up for all that femininity with some hardcore butch manliness, so on saturday night we went to sairs to watch the afl final and tonite i went with julia to the league final
and ive gotta tell you
im feeling the testosterone
but seriously though
so much manliness in one weekend
im ready for my oestrogen thanks
and it wasnt just watching the manly sports either, i mean, at sairs we fully had a bbq for dinner, and really, is there any food that is more manly than a bbq, if there is then i havent found it yet, and neither has anyone else because there is no such thing
so shut up
but i think the thing that cancelled out a little of the manliness was the fact that they all cried when the lost
the butch men sport manly men sport players i mean
like one guy was actually sobbing on the ground
theres nothing like seeing a 300 kg manbeast that could kill a normal sized person just by looking at them reduced to a teary mess on the ground
and ive gotta tell you
im feeling the testosterone
but seriously though
so much manliness in one weekend
im ready for my oestrogen thanks
and it wasnt just watching the manly sports either, i mean, at sairs we fully had a bbq for dinner, and really, is there any food that is more manly than a bbq, if there is then i havent found it yet, and neither has anyone else because there is no such thing
so shut up
but i think the thing that cancelled out a little of the manliness was the fact that they all cried when the lost
the butch men sport manly men sport players i mean
like one guy was actually sobbing on the ground
theres nothing like seeing a 300 kg manbeast that could kill a normal sized person just by looking at them reduced to a teary mess on the ground
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)